What is God's challenge to me this year?
It comes in the form of a child...But unlike the other children, my struggle with this one is unique.
I do not want anything to do with this individual.
He is not a prickly porcupine, nor is he spineless sap.
He exists in a world where he thinks that only his needs are important,
I have tried the soft approach, I tried pity and compassion.
I tried scoldings and nags...but the effort has been futile.
He does not care about the rest of the world...and sadly, I feel he does not care about himself.
Never had I gotten a child that I ... dislike.
Hmmm...God...
Show me the way...
Tell me what I should do.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thaw...
I once could touch
a fragment of a soul.
It sets the whole being afire.
There was awe and childlike wonder
for the passion of life.
There was calm and serenity
in the quest of unfulfilled destiny,
I once could reach
the essence of a mind.
It blazes with a spirit so strong.
But,
a wintry wind of change blew
and left in its wake
A chilled denizen of time unrecorded
a hardened shell of existence.
Cold...
I cannot no longer find a spark
to break the icebergs.
Glaciers are mountains...
I cannot thaw.
a fragment of a soul.
It sets the whole being afire.
There was awe and childlike wonder
for the passion of life.
There was calm and serenity
in the quest of unfulfilled destiny,
I once could reach
the essence of a mind.
It blazes with a spirit so strong.
But,
a wintry wind of change blew
and left in its wake
A chilled denizen of time unrecorded
a hardened shell of existence.
Cold...
I cannot no longer find a spark
to break the icebergs.
Glaciers are mountains...
I cannot thaw.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Reality TV: When real life is worse than soap operas...
Being ill, I spent the past two days at home...and whiled away the time catching up with the idiot box. Usually I would rather read, but have been told to take things easy, and really rest...something that has eluded me for quite a while. But the medication has helped to make the body relax, and I vacillate between a fuzzy brain-fogged state, and that of a "why-on-earth-am-I-doing-nothing" panic moments.
But back to TV, and the programmes being shown.
When I was growing up, there were plenty of action drama with often incredulous and implausible plots. (hmmm...actually the Bollywood movies are still like that). The convoluted stories ended up as soap operas and yet, they keep their audiences glued; waiting to be satiated of their fascination for the all the negative human values that can ever be described. It seems that the portrayal of all the 7 unforgivable deadly sins were captivating...people oohed and aahed...but somehow knew that what happened on television, remained on TV. The compelling story lines had seemed so 'unreal'...real people do not really behave that way...really?!
Enter the age of 'Reality TV".
I am not talking about the Amazing Race, or Survivor, or the Bachelor. When Survivor was first shown almost 20 years ago, people were 'surprised' at how dishonesty, cruelty, antipathy and selfishness reign in human nature. It caused quite a stir because it seemed to go against the idea of how much humanity prevails in society.
We have come a long way.
Today, no one bats an eyelid when families allow their private lives to be telecast live on national television. TV has become a convenient platform where individuals come freely to air their deepest, darkest secrets, and air other people's dirty linen in public. They fight and do condescending things - all in the name of money; or for a few minutes of fame....and sadly, the 'uglier' the character one has, the more compelling it becomes.
What has become of society? Does TV mirror society, or has society mirrored TV? Nothing becomes sacred anymore...it has left morality in shreds. It is teaching the younger generation that it is so easy to be so self-absorbed...and that to get on in life today, it is ok to scheme, lie, and do every unscrupulous thing. Integrity is a relic of the past...the new values in life are driven by greed, egoism and self-indulgence.
I could have easily switched off the TV if I did not like what I was watching.
But I did not....It's not about voyeurism...It's about thinking what I have seen, and thinking now...how best, I can do my little bit...to still hang on to our values and morality which keeps us sane.
But back to TV, and the programmes being shown.
When I was growing up, there were plenty of action drama with often incredulous and implausible plots. (hmmm...actually the Bollywood movies are still like that). The convoluted stories ended up as soap operas and yet, they keep their audiences glued; waiting to be satiated of their fascination for the all the negative human values that can ever be described. It seems that the portrayal of all the 7 unforgivable deadly sins were captivating...people oohed and aahed...but somehow knew that what happened on television, remained on TV. The compelling story lines had seemed so 'unreal'...real people do not really behave that way...really?!
Enter the age of 'Reality TV".
I am not talking about the Amazing Race, or Survivor, or the Bachelor. When Survivor was first shown almost 20 years ago, people were 'surprised' at how dishonesty, cruelty, antipathy and selfishness reign in human nature. It caused quite a stir because it seemed to go against the idea of how much humanity prevails in society.
We have come a long way.
Today, no one bats an eyelid when families allow their private lives to be telecast live on national television. TV has become a convenient platform where individuals come freely to air their deepest, darkest secrets, and air other people's dirty linen in public. They fight and do condescending things - all in the name of money; or for a few minutes of fame....and sadly, the 'uglier' the character one has, the more compelling it becomes.
What has become of society? Does TV mirror society, or has society mirrored TV? Nothing becomes sacred anymore...it has left morality in shreds. It is teaching the younger generation that it is so easy to be so self-absorbed...and that to get on in life today, it is ok to scheme, lie, and do every unscrupulous thing. Integrity is a relic of the past...the new values in life are driven by greed, egoism and self-indulgence.
I could have easily switched off the TV if I did not like what I was watching.
But I did not....It's not about voyeurism...It's about thinking what I have seen, and thinking now...how best, I can do my little bit...to still hang on to our values and morality which keeps us sane.
Disturbed...
I am a little perturbed by some things...
I actually should not..because I realise that the lack of experience, and especially, a deficit of self-awareness, can make some people take things for granted.
It has happened over and over again...
and I find myself disappointed...
But what do I expect?...how could I expect anything...if the bottom line has been that I had really wanted to help out of sincerity.
Do not expect gratitude in return...for that is never the intention.
So let it go...
Just shake off the uneasiness...
I can't change the world.
I actually should not..because I realise that the lack of experience, and especially, a deficit of self-awareness, can make some people take things for granted.
It has happened over and over again...
and I find myself disappointed...
But what do I expect?...how could I expect anything...if the bottom line has been that I had really wanted to help out of sincerity.
Do not expect gratitude in return...for that is never the intention.
So let it go...
Just shake off the uneasiness...
I can't change the world.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Where do I go from here
It's another long break from writing...and now coming to a point where I wonder if I should really keep this blog going. Writing used to be a cathartic exercise - a focal point of release for the deepest thoughts and feelings. Yes, of late, the words refused to flow in momentum with the jumbled thoughts. I would start something, and then, find my senses clogged...and like a drainpipe that is choked to the brim, it would take a great amount of de-cluttering to get it flowing freely again.
Which makes me wonder...I am up at this ungodly hour; wide awake because my mind is still active while the battered body craves for respite. I am weary; more ever than before. The practical side would tell me to just close my eyes, and try my best to will my brain to stop thinking...and perhaps remind the 'whatever sense' to stop picking up other people's vibes. I do need to be stop being a sponge...for negativity is not productive.
'Will the brain to stop thinking'...why would I ever want to wish that to happen?
It's very scary thought...and one that I have tried to brush aside in case I open that pandora box - but how can one really avoid this?
A few years ago, I wrote a poem, "If I should forget to remember you"... a tribute to my maternal grandma who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, and my Nek Tor, whose trauma caused her to succumb to selective mutism, and had her memories swallowed by time...Now, it looks as though, that defective gene has reared its ugly head again.
My siblings and I had managed to persuade mum to go for testing, and the results have shown the onset of dementia. It merely confirmed what we had suspected. She was always misplacing her things; and of late; forgetting dates and even whether she has eaten or not. We understand that old age does that to people - as the chemically and structurally, the brain changes and slows down.
Perhaps now, the worry strikes at two levels...because there is a genuine terror that her memories will give way completely...and secondly, I have to come to terms with this real possibility: Am I predisposed to this condition too?
Dear God...
I can only pray...and seek solace in you.
Which makes me wonder...I am up at this ungodly hour; wide awake because my mind is still active while the battered body craves for respite. I am weary; more ever than before. The practical side would tell me to just close my eyes, and try my best to will my brain to stop thinking...and perhaps remind the 'whatever sense' to stop picking up other people's vibes. I do need to be stop being a sponge...for negativity is not productive.
'Will the brain to stop thinking'...why would I ever want to wish that to happen?
It's very scary thought...and one that I have tried to brush aside in case I open that pandora box - but how can one really avoid this?
A few years ago, I wrote a poem, "If I should forget to remember you"... a tribute to my maternal grandma who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, and my Nek Tor, whose trauma caused her to succumb to selective mutism, and had her memories swallowed by time...Now, it looks as though, that defective gene has reared its ugly head again.
My siblings and I had managed to persuade mum to go for testing, and the results have shown the onset of dementia. It merely confirmed what we had suspected. She was always misplacing her things; and of late; forgetting dates and even whether she has eaten or not. We understand that old age does that to people - as the chemically and structurally, the brain changes and slows down.
Perhaps now, the worry strikes at two levels...because there is a genuine terror that her memories will give way completely...and secondly, I have to come to terms with this real possibility: Am I predisposed to this condition too?
Dear God...
I can only pray...and seek solace in you.
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