Learned Helplessness

Learned Helplessness?
(personal refelction)

Okay...that's it. I have allowed myself two days to be buried deep int that deep blue funk, and wallow in self-pity. So Dee, get off your butt, and do something about it now!
Get fired up again. Focus, focus, focus!

Actually, it was a remark someone made that is making me burn...and burn...and burn.
I take offense that being stereotyped and pigeon-holed in such a manner. For every action that I do, whatever way I do it...all boils down to that concept of 'learned helplessness'? How did a genuine plea for help become so misconstrued? Is that the way people perceive us?

My response...
I'll rise to the challenge and prove you wrong. In fact, we will all prove you wrong.

My friends out there who understand my point, take stock of our situation. The gauntlet has been thrown...and we will respond. We will not fight with swords, or fists, or words...but with our hearts. We will hold our heads up...and never lose the vision we have in mind.

Lets do this...together.
I am ready...are you?

I can't hear the music

Where did the music go?

Where did the music go?
I really don't know.
Without the melody, tempo,
The existence of my soul...
Hollow

I close my eyes
There are no sounds in my head...
The song of the heart is gone.


A pray for today
Dear God...I need my music...let me dance in my dreams again. Please.....Ameen

Failure

Failure

Today...I failed...
for all the things I have said...
I have let me down....

Lullabye

Lullabye
(for Zafran and my other babies)

When Zafran was little, he loved this song to help him go to sleep.
Since he has so many sleepless nights lately, here is the song...to chase the scary monsters and nightmares away.

Close your eyes, go to sleep
As you dream of tomorrow
All of us, wish you goodnight,
As I gently turn off the light...

One more hug, one more smile,
Kiss you once, kiss you twice,
I'll be here for a while,
So close your eyes and say 'goodnight'.

I love you Zafran...( and Iffah...and Akmal...and my many many kids)
Each day is a new one...
Get your rest...You really need it.
"Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
~William Shakespeare, Macbeth

So even though you are all working so hard, and preparing for the exams...(and my friends who are furiously marking...kekeke..literally and figuratively, make sure you don't lose your sleep.

Fight or Flight

Fight or Flight
(random musings, or what happens what I talk aloud)

Ok...first do not be alarmed...
I talk to myself...out aloud. I do that so that I can remind myself to keep focus. It happens when I find that all the information I need sent by the various parts of my body does not get to the CPU ... my brain. Just like how emails and other technological what-nots get lost in cyber world...I experience an internal 'technical glitch.'...as simple as that.

So this entry is more to convince myself of the things I need to do, so that I can function as per normal...(wait...was I ever 'normal'?)

Checklist for ...stress (distress more likely)
1. Walking around like a citizen of the living dead ...ah...zombie - check
2. Eye-bags and sallow skin ( do I look like a panda?) - check
3. Unable to complete...what?..oh ...complete a sentence? - check
(Ah...4E1 a word - one, a phrase - more than one, without a capital and full stop, and a sentence is wedged between 2 full stops)
4. Cravings for chocolates, tubs of Ben& Jerry's, packs of M&Ms (oh no - melamine scare cannot!)...ok , just more Cadbury Duo? - check
5. Screaming at the scales because I am paying for my chocolate sins? - check
6. More strands of white hair and bald patches because I tug my head in despair? - check
7. Intermittenly mutters prayers and other incantations under my breath? -check
8. Porcrastinate? Procrastinate?Procrastinate? - check
9. Is irritating and iritable? - check
10. Makes no sense when I am talking to myself (like right now? ) CHECK!

Ok...where do I go from here?
Maybe should allow myself to relax and let go...(with more Ben & Jerry's)

The things you learn in school

The Things You Learn in School
(An open letter)

My dear kids,
For many of you,crunch time is close. The nightmares have begun, and no many how many hours you grind your noses into your books and notes, the brain seems not to be able to absorb and work in tandem. I understand your fears, I share your insecurites. No one can really make accurate predictions on how you are going to perform.

But I hope that what I am telling you here will provide some comfort, and the drive to keep on trying.

Do not let fear of the exams overwhelm you. You need to be able to have a clear mind when you go in. You are ready to meet your 'enemies' (the papers), because you can recognise patterns, questions types, and set expectations. Really, the whole thing is not just about memorising the facts and figure, and the information...for when you move on later, you will realise that it is how much you are able to understand, process , and make connections that these information become useful.

Success in life... is not measured just by numbers and grades. Yes, you do need to do well in order to move on to the higher institutes of education. But ask yourself...what is your current motivation to do well? Your parents? Your peers? Your own self? If you do not believe that you can do well, than you have already defeated your sense of self-purpose. So adopt a winner's mentality, and consciously tell yourself.."I can do it..I can do well...I am working for the best of my ability and more"

" A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought" - James Allen.

You know, you have run the long marathon...and now, you are coming into that last lap around the stadium. It seems like the finishing line is still so far away, and everyone around you has begun to pick up speed.
What is your strategy now?

Take stock of your actions...and keep your 'finishing line' clear in your mind. You are tired, but don't forget...so are the rest too...If you can pick up speed, then do so...if not, keep at an even pace. Even if you stumble...pick yourself up, brush away the dirt,...and push yourself forward.

Find your strengths...Concentrate on what you can do best...Remove 'mental and emotional' baggage like negativity, and self-doubts. Think what you can do...not about outdoing someone else.

Refuse to think that you are a failure...for I know most of you can do it...I believe.

Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground

Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground
(Confession of a pragmatic dreamer)

Today's entry...was inspired by a few people...
Thanks to Erickson first...who helped me conjure the image of the paradoxical "Pragmatic Dreamer"...then to Arif...the pure melancholic soul, and of course my "Sky"...for the sensible perspective of things.

As children...we had that marvellous gift...A sense of wonder...when everything in the world seemed to be some exciting things waiting to be discovered...We questioned, we wondered...we believed...and we hoped...we wished

How did we lose this along the way?
Why do we sometimes become so cynical?
When did we start closing our hearts and rationalise things with our heads only?

I do not want to ever lose that precious gift...even if I have to dig deep in my soul, or the recesses of my brain, I want to reconnect, and re-discover.
I want to be able to close my eyes, and conjure up the most colourful and delightful of images. I want to see, touch and feel...those dreams.

Dear God,
Today, you opened up a new door for me...and for that, I am grateful.
Never let me lose my sense of wonder.
Allow my rational being work harmoniously with my impulses and my feelings.
Please...let me be able to keep my eyes on the beautiful bright stars up there, but at the same time, keep my feet firmly on the ground.
Thank you...for I am blessed today. Ameen.