These past two weeks, I took the kids in school on a journey on self-discovery...though I really wonder how many of them realised this fact. Many would have thought that it was just some language exercise they had to do, from writing testimonials, to finding out a whole range of new words that could use to describe people...and more importantly, themselves.
I really wanted them to make the connection between the things they are doing now, with what may happen to them in the 'real world'. My question to them is this...If you can't 'sell' yourself, how could you expect others to do it for you?
It is not about boasting, nor arrogance. Neither is it about self-glorification. It has a lot to do with one's level of confidence and self-assurance.
You really know yourself, and how to position your strengths. It is not about what you think you cannot do...it is more about how you acknowledge your weaknesses and flaws...and the steps you take to overcome them.
It's funny how we sometimes put a ceiling on our abilities...we think we are not capable of achieving something, and sooner or later, that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
"I think I cannot...thus I don't...and soon I really can't.." Why?
It takes hard work to hone in your skills...to be good at what you do. But alas, in a age of instant gratification, we do not allow ourselves the time, and space to sharpen and develop our talents; and thus we feel dishearten quite easily, and become envious of others...whom we think are more clever, more beautiful, more ______(fill in the blanks)...but really?
Learn to believe in yourself..in your gifts...in your own capabilities. The 'comparison game' is out there true..but it is for you to set a benchmark or a target to reach...not to wallow in self-pity or envy when we think we cannot get within our grasp...
I do hope that you have been able to discover yourself these past few days. I know I have...and I am also learning a lot more about how I want to go about finding my dreams again.
I really hope you dance ...(and not just in your dreams, like me)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
When One Door Closes,...another opens
Wow...wow...wow...
It has been a truly blessed day.
From the steady stream of smses on the handphone, to the big hugs at home, the flowers on the table (thanks ladies), the song in class (haha 4e1), the cake (Naz, Nisa & Rin)...and the long list of heartwarming messages on Facebook. Of course more cakes at home...and more chocolates coming my way.
Things happen for a reason.
How different my mood is now, compared to the feeling I had when I fell into the deep abyss last Monday. While there remains a tinge of sadness, and regrets...I realise how much strength I can draw from those who rally around me.
I may be on my way to leaving a deathbed legacy...in the idea of how so many of the kids out there have grown from strength to strength.
A special note to Namira...if I can borrow this phrase.."Positive reinvention"...those who dare to dream...and believe...and look for good and hope...will be able to pick themselves up faster. Thank you sweetiee, for alerting me to this.
Dear God...on this day...thank you for making me feel special...in your protection, and all those whom I love.
The one who lost the way...find the right door home...
It has been a truly blessed day.
From the steady stream of smses on the handphone, to the big hugs at home, the flowers on the table (thanks ladies), the song in class (haha 4e1), the cake (Naz, Nisa & Rin)...and the long list of heartwarming messages on Facebook. Of course more cakes at home...and more chocolates coming my way.
Things happen for a reason.
How different my mood is now, compared to the feeling I had when I fell into the deep abyss last Monday. While there remains a tinge of sadness, and regrets...I realise how much strength I can draw from those who rally around me.
I may be on my way to leaving a deathbed legacy...in the idea of how so many of the kids out there have grown from strength to strength.
A special note to Namira...if I can borrow this phrase.."Positive reinvention"...those who dare to dream...and believe...and look for good and hope...will be able to pick themselves up faster. Thank you sweetiee, for alerting me to this.
Dear God...on this day...thank you for making me feel special...in your protection, and all those whom I love.
The one who lost the way...find the right door home...
Saturday, January 17, 2009
As the Sand falls through the Hourglass
Val Chan passed a remark that reminded me of a truly great poem by Dylan Thomas...and again, it played on my mind as I move up a notch in terms of age.
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas -
Modern technology has done many things...but Man still has to grapple with Mortality. That is something that beyond our control. Time and tide waits for no Man...so what do I have to 'show' for my life, and what can I bring with me in the hereafter?
One question that I remember being posed to me was "What deathbed legacy do I want to leave behind?" I suppose my children whom I hope have been raised as decent human beings...and I just wish to be remembered fondly by those who lives have gently touched mine.
And when the sands of time run out...do not be sad, and there are no regrets...
(A little bd wish...can I find the lost sheep? Come back...come back)
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas -
Modern technology has done many things...but Man still has to grapple with Mortality. That is something that beyond our control. Time and tide waits for no Man...so what do I have to 'show' for my life, and what can I bring with me in the hereafter?
One question that I remember being posed to me was "What deathbed legacy do I want to leave behind?" I suppose my children whom I hope have been raised as decent human beings...and I just wish to be remembered fondly by those who lives have gently touched mine.
And when the sands of time run out...do not be sad, and there are no regrets...
(A little bd wish...can I find the lost sheep? Come back...come back)
What Teens Want
Today, while the Sec 1 students were busy being enticed by the various CCA groups, some parents stayed behind in the school hall to listen to a talk by Mr Roger Ho on "Riding the Storm of Adolescent." I sat in for a while to pick up a tip or two.
I had initially laughed at the rather dramatic title:- it was as if the moment children reached teenhood, we parents have a turbulent tempest on our hands who will turn our lives upside down. Yet, upon reflection, and based on the experiences with the many kids, many parents are unprepared to deal with the impending storm.
The adolescent years can indeed be trying - personal emotional upheavals brought on by puberty and raging hormones, a need to seek a personal identity, social pressures, responsibilities and obligations...a whole range. Not quite ready to be adult, and no longer a child, a teen wants to be understood and supported.
Here are some other things which I have read and observed about teens. (You can correct me if you want to). So here is an open letter from a teen to his parents. (It is created...but I hope it will drive the message home...for both the child, and parents)
Dear old-fashioned and uncool Mum and Dad,
Yo...I am so big now...not 5 nor 3. I have outgrown my Power Rangers underwear and my Spiderman pajamas. But that does not mean I want to wear hand-me-downs from Dad's wardrobe. No...I am not an Ah Pek in training...and there is nothing wrong if I want to dye my hair copper red and wear my fringe wrong...That is called 'style'. Even if my slippers do not match, and my jeans have holes, I still think they are a lot better Dad's striped boxers and singlet.
I live in an age where men and women are equals. So do not laugh if I decide to get my ears pierced or wear bangles and cuffs. I am not gay..hey , Scotmen wear kilts, so how come we never question their masculinity? Since we are on this topic, I may decide to also have a little tattoo...with both of your names engraved on my chest to show that I still love you.
I know retro music is in...but I really draw the line when you make me listen to Mama Mia for the nth time...and the only air supply I need is the oxygen to breathe. I think because you cannot seem to tolerate my choice of hip songs, I will buy both of you the huge headphones on your birthdays (provided you give extra pocket money).
I cannot understand why lately you are beginning to nag at me about 'growing up' and responsibilities. When I was little, you did everything for me...and you even made the maid carry my bag to school and wash my shoes. I have never even practised cleaning my own room. So why the big deal now when you yourself make poor aunty clean your car twice a day, and wash the window every week?
Dad, when I was younger, you said I must learn to be "a man". You said, a 'real man' never cries, and a real man must fight back if he feels he is victimised. So why do you get so uptight when I shout back at you? You are the one who told me to fight for my rights. So when it feels that you are being unreasonable and unfair to me, I am only defending myself. How can you scold me and tell me not to raise my voice, when you are yelling at me too? Where is the fairness?
Sometimes both of you confuse me. You want me to try and learn new things, but when I do, you react in shock and horror. One minute you want to be independent, the next it feels like you want to lock me up in the house forever. You want me to explore all possibilities in life, but suffocate me with all the ultra-strict rules and regulations. You say all the things you do for me is because you love, and yet...why is it that lately, you want to drive me away with your condemnation and lack of understanding?
Well, here are the more serious stuff I wish I can tell you.
I wish you would encourage and support me...instead of telling me "I told you" when I make mistakes. If you do have to reprimand me, please do it in private, or one-to-one. Do not let announce to the whole world about 'my stupidity'
I wish you would listen to my opinions too instead of forcing yours down my throat. Do not complain when I learnt to do the same to you. I pick up my values from you.
I wish you would spend some time for me...you keep telling me that you are always busy with work...to support and give me things...but I rather have some of your personal time...so I know I am important in your life.
I wish you would accept me for who I am ... and what I am...instead of trying to turn me into what you had dreamt for yourself. And please do not compare me with others...for I feel very small when I realise I cannot live up to your expectations.
I wish you would talk to me about the things I do right or wrong, rationally, because I respond better without the naggings and hurtful comments.
I wish you will always never stop saying "I love you", and that you are proud of me -for no matter how old I grow, I want to be assured of that.
Love from
Your tired and confused teenaged child
1.
I had initially laughed at the rather dramatic title:- it was as if the moment children reached teenhood, we parents have a turbulent tempest on our hands who will turn our lives upside down. Yet, upon reflection, and based on the experiences with the many kids, many parents are unprepared to deal with the impending storm.
The adolescent years can indeed be trying - personal emotional upheavals brought on by puberty and raging hormones, a need to seek a personal identity, social pressures, responsibilities and obligations...a whole range. Not quite ready to be adult, and no longer a child, a teen wants to be understood and supported.
Here are some other things which I have read and observed about teens. (You can correct me if you want to). So here is an open letter from a teen to his parents. (It is created...but I hope it will drive the message home...for both the child, and parents)
Dear old-fashioned and uncool Mum and Dad,
Yo...I am so big now...not 5 nor 3. I have outgrown my Power Rangers underwear and my Spiderman pajamas. But that does not mean I want to wear hand-me-downs from Dad's wardrobe. No...I am not an Ah Pek in training...and there is nothing wrong if I want to dye my hair copper red and wear my fringe wrong...That is called 'style'. Even if my slippers do not match, and my jeans have holes, I still think they are a lot better Dad's striped boxers and singlet.
I live in an age where men and women are equals. So do not laugh if I decide to get my ears pierced or wear bangles and cuffs. I am not gay..hey , Scotmen wear kilts, so how come we never question their masculinity? Since we are on this topic, I may decide to also have a little tattoo...with both of your names engraved on my chest to show that I still love you.
I know retro music is in...but I really draw the line when you make me listen to Mama Mia for the nth time...and the only air supply I need is the oxygen to breathe. I think because you cannot seem to tolerate my choice of hip songs, I will buy both of you the huge headphones on your birthdays (provided you give extra pocket money).
I cannot understand why lately you are beginning to nag at me about 'growing up' and responsibilities. When I was little, you did everything for me...and you even made the maid carry my bag to school and wash my shoes. I have never even practised cleaning my own room. So why the big deal now when you yourself make poor aunty clean your car twice a day, and wash the window every week?
Dad, when I was younger, you said I must learn to be "a man". You said, a 'real man' never cries, and a real man must fight back if he feels he is victimised. So why do you get so uptight when I shout back at you? You are the one who told me to fight for my rights. So when it feels that you are being unreasonable and unfair to me, I am only defending myself. How can you scold me and tell me not to raise my voice, when you are yelling at me too? Where is the fairness?
Sometimes both of you confuse me. You want me to try and learn new things, but when I do, you react in shock and horror. One minute you want to be independent, the next it feels like you want to lock me up in the house forever. You want me to explore all possibilities in life, but suffocate me with all the ultra-strict rules and regulations. You say all the things you do for me is because you love, and yet...why is it that lately, you want to drive me away with your condemnation and lack of understanding?
Well, here are the more serious stuff I wish I can tell you.
I wish you would encourage and support me...instead of telling me "I told you" when I make mistakes. If you do have to reprimand me, please do it in private, or one-to-one. Do not let announce to the whole world about 'my stupidity'
I wish you would listen to my opinions too instead of forcing yours down my throat. Do not complain when I learnt to do the same to you. I pick up my values from you.
I wish you would spend some time for me...you keep telling me that you are always busy with work...to support and give me things...but I rather have some of your personal time...so I know I am important in your life.
I wish you would accept me for who I am ... and what I am...instead of trying to turn me into what you had dreamt for yourself. And please do not compare me with others...for I feel very small when I realise I cannot live up to your expectations.
I wish you would talk to me about the things I do right or wrong, rationally, because I respond better without the naggings and hurtful comments.
I wish you will always never stop saying "I love you", and that you are proud of me -for no matter how old I grow, I want to be assured of that.
Love from
Your tired and confused teenaged child
1.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Preparing for War...Again
I once said, if we lose a battle, it does not mean that we will go on to lose the war. That is a lesson I hope I am able to re-learn.
Yes, I got beaten...but I am yet to be checkmated....but only if I learn to pick myself up again. I may have to retreat for a while, lie low, and allow the wounds to heal. And while I try to recover, it is the time to reflect and re-think of the next moves.
A defeat is never sweet...
I read somewhere that within each and everyone of us, there is a pain thermometer with a scale of 1-10. Each trauma will hit a certain number which can leave us despondent, and anguished. But many a time, we will not do anything about the pain because of fear. We try to tolerate...and we try to bear...as long as we can. However, if the pain hits a 10...only then will we be able to shake off the paralysing fear, and do something about it.
Did I hit a 10? I think so.
All the years of hard work, and sweet success had come undone...It did feel like being jolted by a quake and then engulfed by a tsunami. And the natural instinct was to take flight...or find a hole and hide.
But I am not a coward...I think I am not one to jump ship or bail out. A captain can go down with an ailing ship...or he can roll up his sleeves and start bailing the water...whatever it takes.
I have stood up, and be held accountable.
But to be fair...I have not been offered the sword...so there is still shreds of hope and faith left.
The Samurai code...and now...I am learning something new too...Ji (from Sun Tzu's Art of War). I am preparing to go for many uphill battles...so with 'Tao'. 'Tien', 'Di', 'Jiang' and 'Fa'...I may learn to be ready.
Dear God,
Please give me strength of mind and spirit, and the moral courage to go on.--Ameen
Yes, I got beaten...but I am yet to be checkmated....but only if I learn to pick myself up again. I may have to retreat for a while, lie low, and allow the wounds to heal. And while I try to recover, it is the time to reflect and re-think of the next moves.
A defeat is never sweet...
I read somewhere that within each and everyone of us, there is a pain thermometer with a scale of 1-10. Each trauma will hit a certain number which can leave us despondent, and anguished. But many a time, we will not do anything about the pain because of fear. We try to tolerate...and we try to bear...as long as we can. However, if the pain hits a 10...only then will we be able to shake off the paralysing fear, and do something about it.
Did I hit a 10? I think so.
All the years of hard work, and sweet success had come undone...It did feel like being jolted by a quake and then engulfed by a tsunami. And the natural instinct was to take flight...or find a hole and hide.
But I am not a coward...I think I am not one to jump ship or bail out. A captain can go down with an ailing ship...or he can roll up his sleeves and start bailing the water...whatever it takes.
I have stood up, and be held accountable.
But to be fair...I have not been offered the sword...so there is still shreds of hope and faith left.
The Samurai code...and now...I am learning something new too...Ji (from Sun Tzu's Art of War). I am preparing to go for many uphill battles...so with 'Tao'. 'Tien', 'Di', 'Jiang' and 'Fa'...I may learn to be ready.
Dear God,
Please give me strength of mind and spirit, and the moral courage to go on.--Ameen
Thursday, January 15, 2009
When One Door Closes...
I am not quite ready to write long entries. I know I am going to stand by the things I have said, and written on this blog. I must remember the things I have said about being resolute, and resilient...and how life does go on despite the setbacks we face.
I am so glad, and gratified, by the numerous messages of hope and encouragement my kids out there have given me when times became difficult. I am touched by the concern and kindness bestowed. They really have given me some strength, and restored some self-esteem.
A lot of my kids have grown into beautiful young people, of great hearts and minds. Thank you...thank you....thank you...
I am so glad, and gratified, by the numerous messages of hope and encouragement my kids out there have given me when times became difficult. I am touched by the concern and kindness bestowed. They really have given me some strength, and restored some self-esteem.
A lot of my kids have grown into beautiful young people, of great hearts and minds. Thank you...thank you....thank you...
Monday, January 12, 2009
Accountability on Judgment Day
I finally understand the way of the samurais: - their ethics and code of honour. I also understand the act of harakiri practised in the ancient rituals. Seppuku was seen as a noble act...to 'die' with honour, and to atone for one's unforgivable acts.
Of course, nothing meant more to these special group of men who upheld "Bushido" - a special code of conduct. Values like integrity,loyalty, courage and wisdom are all part of their make up. In short, they are bound by these values and are made to be accountable for their actions.
What does the above got to do with the event of the day?
Plenty.
It has been a day of great reckoning...of personal responsibilities and whether or not I have been able to carry out the 'amanah' placed upon me. I fell short...and now, I think there is a price to pay.
Yes...I bear the consequences. There is no running away from it. I will be held accountable. I apologise for all the shortcomings, and I will pay the heavy price...which I readily accept...
Shock does strange things to a person. That would explain why, when the scarf came off, I found a streak of white on my head. I literally aged upon hearing the news. But that is still nothing. More will be needed. But before I leave, I promise, that I will do my very best to make up for my folly, and that the mistakes will not be repeated.
I am sorry that I have let you down.
Of course, nothing meant more to these special group of men who upheld "Bushido" - a special code of conduct. Values like integrity,loyalty, courage and wisdom are all part of their make up. In short, they are bound by these values and are made to be accountable for their actions.
What does the above got to do with the event of the day?
Plenty.
It has been a day of great reckoning...of personal responsibilities and whether or not I have been able to carry out the 'amanah' placed upon me. I fell short...and now, I think there is a price to pay.
Yes...I bear the consequences. There is no running away from it. I will be held accountable. I apologise for all the shortcomings, and I will pay the heavy price...which I readily accept...
Shock does strange things to a person. That would explain why, when the scarf came off, I found a streak of white on my head. I literally aged upon hearing the news. But that is still nothing. More will be needed. But before I leave, I promise, that I will do my very best to make up for my folly, and that the mistakes will not be repeated.
I am sorry that I have let you down.
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