A Lesson In Building A Fire

In times of economic hardships, it looks like it is a boom for the educational sector to attract people into the service. And with the lastest news that more graduates are currently unemployed (one of the highest number ever), it looks like the target of getting even the support staff would be easily met.

Yet I wonder...
I hope those who do come into the service, know the challenges of the tasks ahead.
...that they will not be thinking about the job security alone, for the reality is that, to last in the job takes determination, guts, and that drive to reach out to others must be there.

Parker Palmer, in "The Courage to Teach" talks about the "fire within." It is the fire that must be able to sustain a person in this line...when we lose hope, the fire will still keep us alive.

But...
it is also hard work to keep the fire burning.
I remember a poem that talks about how one should go about keeping this fire burning steadily...and not burn out.

The best example of this analogy I can think of is that of how we try to start a bbq. A few years back, at the class bbq, two of the kids were given the task of lighting up the pits next to each other.

Both had the same materials. Both pits were similar, and because the pits were adjacent, they were subjected to the same wind condition.

I watched one child carefully arranging his coals, spacing them out, and placing only a few fire starters. The other child used more coals, closed together...and even added some oil "to get it started faster"

Lo and behold...
The second pit caught fire first, but the child was covered with thick smoke, and had to keep on fanning constantly to keep his flame steady, and allow the other coals to burn too.

The other child held is ground, fanning only when necessary at a constant, even pace. His took longer to start...but then Whomps. The whole bunch of coals burnt merrily, and he even got a little mini campfire going. And throughout the nite, he kept his pit going at a good pace, and the food that was cooked over it was somehow more even.

What is the lesson I learnt there?
To start a fire,, you need all the right things. But both had the same items.
Then there was the arrangement.
It is how you arrange the coals, where you place them. "Too much of it will not help" I was told.

The spacing between the coals was also important. At the beginning, you need to focus on getting the fire started, and all it needed was to make sure you find the best leverage....and when you need to keep it going, it is the effort that you make at the start that will keep it steady. Just because it starts burning a little...does not mean it will burn forever.

The passion for the job is like the fire.
And we need to keep that passion alive is we are to carry on for many many many years.

We need to then be able to find out our space too...without giving too much or too little of ourselves. We cannot afford to burn too quickly either...or too slow.


...Remember...remember...remember...
Do not let the light be snuffed out...
There is still a flicker...protect
and believe again.

Lost Generation

Please read,understand and choose.

The Broken Pieces...

It was uncanny.
It all started last Tuesday when I decided to come home early (well, earlier than usual) and it was then that the feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. So with that, I changed the tagline on the msn.

Of all the people, He was the last one I expected to respond. "Are you ok?" he typed..."By the way...I am in Singapore."

Many, many, many years ago, He used to be one of the most important persons in my life...But because ... He became a person I wanted to know nothing about...because...He...was a thief of heart.

Hahaha...
Time does heal...and I realise that time does allow me to forgive (?!)After all, I think I am the lucky one...and that God, in his Great Design, has left me much richer because of that experience.

Wow...how long has it been?
What was it like then...to be young and so giddy in thinking that the first person I liked would be the person I would live forever with.

Yes...separation...the physical distance became the challenge...I was the naive one...for I believed that promises made would be kept.
But...He felt otherwise. It was an exciting time...doing new things, meeting new people...and having her in front of him daily...while I waited patiently far, far away.

Back then...I 'vowed' never to forgive...for his 'cruelty'...and with a prayer that God is benevolent...

Fast forward to the present...
Facebook is a funny thing...of how it can connect you to people that you thought is long gone.

Like I said, time does heal...so why make a big fuss of being friends again? I do not bear grudges...and it is with a tinge of sadness that I realised He was no longer with the Her that caused so much grief.

I think He assumes too much...
Because I don't even dig up the past, does not mean that I have water under the bridge.
So what gave him that right...to call and then say, "Hey, you sound so different!" I was flabbergasted. When was the last time He spoke to me over the phone?

I have erased the number from my list...but nah...I still have him as a friend...and I know some of my sweet, sweet friends are all ready to take a swipe at him...for all the injustices years ago.

What is the point of this?
Right now...I know of two young people who are hurting very badly.
I do not understand what went wrong, or why things went wrong...but the hurt is there.

Here is something that I hope you will learn from my experience.
Yup... the First One...is the most beautiful...the most precious...and the most memorable.

If you want the relationship to work...then you will have to work hard at it...and it cannot be the effort of just one party...the physical distance and time constraints are there...but hey...how badly do you want this to work?

My advice...well...keep on being good friends.
Don't throw the friendship away because things do not work out.
Maybe...maybe...there is still hope yet...both of you are still so young.

Take care both of you.
And to 'He'... I wish you well.

On a wing and a prayer

Dear Child,

It has taken me a while to pen the right words to write this to you. I am not even sure that these are even the appropriate things to say. But tell to you I must.

It is a time of change...
Who changed, what changed, why things have changed...I think those things are secondary. But the main thing is I wonder if you realise how much you have changed.

Are those changes good or bad? I don't really know.
Since I have been saying that nothing remains the same forever, I should then be able to embrace the shifts in your perceptions and self-beliefs. It means you are growing...questioning...thinking...reflecting.

You assert your independence, you make known your stand. You challenge certain mindsets. At times it feels as though you found your wings...all set to fly just by the passion of the spirit. But then...there are also days...when I seriously doubt your readiness.

New knowledge gained...does not immediately equate with wisdom. That will come with experience and in some cases, the school of 'hard knocks'. When you realise that in life, the journey is rarely smooth, where the trials and tribulations that life has to offer leaves you wondering a lot about yourself at times. Beliefs get shaken too...and values are questioned...over and over again.

I know that you are thing to find yourself...trying to find your way to the things that you value. But in the process, there are times when self-doubts set in...and it reins you in. But most of the time...it is the internal monologue within you that can be critical and harsh...as the focus is on the self-judgement. Self-evaluation ia bench-marked by the high standards of expectation that is set upon by the self.

Change is really something very hard, but not insurmountable.
The restlessness...the sense of uneasiness are things which are to be expected.The dilemmas faced will leave many unanswered questions.

I don't have the answers...I believe God is the only one who does.
So keep that spirit up...as your quests take you through many uncharted territories.
Let your internal compass keep you focused, and lead the way to where you want to go.

God...bless this child.
My prayers go with you.

The Hare and the Tortise - Who Wins Today?

I am currently reading a book entitled" Mindsets- the new psychology of Success" by Carol Dweck. In one of the chapters, she asks readers to evaluate the famous fable of the hare and the tortise. Is the adage of "Slow & Steady Wins the Race" applicable in today's world?

We live in an age of instant gratification...where people want actions and results almost fast...where tempers and patience are short. Where a split second is measured by that moment in time when the traffic light turns green, and the car behind honks at you.When even a 4-minute interval wait between MRT trains feel like an eternity.

The hare's downfall was because it was arrogant and complacent...It had the talent, it had the aptitude. While we applaud and respect the plodding tortise...who really wants to be the tortise ... today?

We all wish that the hare had been a little less impulsive in making decisions. We know that had the race been one of a certain short distance, the hare would have won hands down. Would the tortise stand a chance in a 100m dash to the finish?

What do I want to be?
I think a mixture of both...I will need the speed and agility of the hare...and the sheer persistence and resilience of the tortise...Effort counts too.
The celebrated genuises of the world did not make it on talent nor skill alone. Ours is such a complex, fast-paced world; and adaptability, and the ability of respond to changes that come our way are things which will put us in good stead today.

Life will always be filled with challenges...and nothing stays status quo. It will then mean that we need to constantly keep on learning, and building our on our experiences. The hare needs to learn maybe how to outhop and outjump other animals like monkeys and birds...for his competitors will never be the tortise only. And the tortise...perhaps, may need to find the 'correct race' to take part in...where his strength will be recognised and rewarded.

The art of becoming...lies in how and why we learn. It is not always about being the best; getting the straight As all the time, and outperforming everyone else. We all study, and go through experiences to learn...and to enjoy the learning process. Sometimes failing in tests or exams...do not make us a failure in life.

Both the tortise and the hare must be able to make their own choices, and see value in themselves. The new race that the tortise and the hare embark...starts with the race against self. They need to keep pace with things that are happening around them, and at the same time, think, plan and strategise how they can keep on moving forward and succeed.

No one wins all the time...and no one loses all the time either.
The important thing is that we never just give up on ourselves...and to keep on improving.

When life is blue...find other colours to make your day.

Someone asked me..."Do you wear the colours of your clothes to suit your mood?"
I did a quick double-take. Today, I was decked, from top-to-toe, in all shades of blue. Ya...ya...I looked like little blue riding hood. But did that mean that it was an indicator that the emotions were going to head south for the rest of the week?

I think some of you would remember me teaching the classic "Love is blue" song to show how colours have significance. And I did warn some of the kids that should I dress in a certain colour...they ought to watch out. Hah!...was it the class of 2004 who called me "Black Magic Woman" because the day I came into class in an all black-ensemble, I had a foul mood to match. Out of sheer coincidence, I was trying to keep my patience in check, but my mutterings under the breath were misinterpreted as me putting a hex on some of the recalcitrant ones. Did someone really fall off the chair and blamed me for my 'incantations'?

How I digress...
Once and for all, let me tell you that as a very vain person, I do have clothes of almost every shade...with scarves to match...Hmm...shoes...now that would be a bit much.

But perhaps, there is truth behind why certain colours call out to me each morning and say, "Wear me...wear me...I reflect how you feel."
It has been quite disheartening as I try to complete my marking...for instinctively, I think there is a co-relation between the way I teach, and the way some of the kids are writing. The natural reaction would always be..."what have I done wrong? How come, at this stage, I get products like these?"

I am learning to manage that...
Remember, it is not about who shoulders the blame, and which way the fingers shall point.
It is about...ok...here is the problem...so now what?

I want to share this letter which I wrote for my kids last year...and I also gave this to my current kids...

A Note from your teacher:

My dear kids,

You may wonder why I have attached this little love note you each of you. Almost one term has passed by, and I do not wish to hyper-ventilate as I watch you attempt the summary question.

If each time I mark your scripts, a strand of my hair turns white, then I guess I will look like Storm from X-Men pretty soon. Kindly help me from aging prematurely. I would also plead for mercy because I do not think my poor palpitating heart can take the stress, and if I do pass out in class, it is a sign that my blood pressure has risen through the roof.

I think most of you are also suffering –from an affliction called “Summaricitis.” Here are the following symptoms. Please read over carefully and put a tick against them if you think the malaise I describe fits you.

Health Alert : Changkat Summaricitis (Hazard Level: Code Red)

1. Forget to break down the questions into manageable chunks.
2. Underline stuff that may look what the question wants – only because my teacher is anal.
3. Underline chunks from the text (why waste time listing right?)
4. Copy chunks as part of listing 15 points (geez…my teacher is really anal)
5. Come across big words and mentally substitute the word even though the meaning may change.
6. Write down the summary without noticing the connection between the opening lines.
7. Write in a handwriting that decreases in visibility. My teacher can afford glasses anyway. Better still, be illegible, cos I am a doctor in training.
8. Write one draft…oops…too many words…cancel…cancel…
9. Write one draft….oops…too little words…(my teacher cannot count right?)
10. Write one draft only…It is part of my effort to save the trees and ink.
11. Cut and paste (drag and drop)…never mind if my sentences do not connect.
12. Ignore all conventions of spelling, punctuation and grammar…(I alws rite tis way. Gr8)
13. Litter the summary with connections…never mind if they cannot connect anything…at least I sound impressive.
14. Ignore the tenses. (As long as I make my teacher tense, it is enough)
15. Pray that a miracle will happen.


So if at least 8 of the above fits you, I will be the one who is going to do lots and lots of praying for divine intervention.

Through my laughter and tears,
Me

Dear God
Thank you for filling my days with colours...and keep my sense of humour intact please. Ameen

The Growth Mindset: When Becoming is better than Being

I want to thank those who left me a note and wished me luck when last wrote about about wanting to re-define my values. I am glad for the intellectual responses.
Today, I want to share about what I have read about mindsets.

My long experiences with the kids have shown me something.
Self-beliefs are powerful, and that the mind, is the strongest organ we possess. Our mind is able to grow. Intellectual capacity and skills, can be honed through effort and constant use. When you keep on learning, and picking up new skills, you develop..no matter what age you are.

So it is back to the aptitude working very closely with the attitude.
True, some people are blessed with more grey matter, but with experience, training, learning and perserverance, we can push ourselves up. If we want to, that is...if we continue believing that we can.

"People who start out the smartest, do not necessarily end up being the smartest."
How many of you out that are living proofs of that?
Yes, at one point of your lives, you were 'measured' by how you performed in the tests and examinations...but life is more than just exams alone. Life goes beyond proving yourselves by academic qualifications alone.

When the last set of results came out, I was shattered. For days, the sense of failure struck deep in my sense of being. I saw what happened as the only direct measure of my own competence and worth. And for days, I allowed myself to be paralysed by regrets and self-censure.

It is taking time to re-orientate my thoughts. It does take time to pull oneself up again. I have to keep telling myself that failure is just one setback in life...we do really have to learn to pick ourselves up, brush off the dirt, focus, and start all over again if the need arises.

Success is not all about proving to the world that you are intelligent, gifted or talented. In a paradigm shift, success is seen as stretching yourself to learn something new, or un-learning and re-learning something old...only from a different perspective. It is driven by a need to keep on growing and growing by developing yourself.

So here I am...at the next point of discovering myself.
I have made my choice. I want my mind to grow.
So...for the next few days, I am going to think deeply and reflect on where I would like to go...and I will allow my mind to take me there.


Dear God,
Again I pray, for the strength of my Iman, and for Guidance.
Bless me with your Nur of Knowledge. Ameen