There is a quote that I love from Harper Lee's classic," To Kill a Mockingbird." In it, little Scout learns the meaning of empathy and acceptance when she was told, "•You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."
We all know that no two people are alike. And from there, many problems arise.
We all have our own beliefs, views, perceptions, values, philosophies of life; whatever. Very often, as humans, we find it difficult to really see eye-to-eye over many issues. Man go to war over differences like these today.
Why is it so hard to walk in another man's shoes?
For one, it does not fit. It does not feel right, nor does it seem right.
Yet if we make the effort and try, things may be a little different.
As a teacher, sometimes I think what it means to sit on the other side of the table.
From there, I learn about challenges , fears, frustrations and the need to have someone to keep believing in me.
I remind myself to have fun...for as I grow older, I seem to do that less and less.
As a mother, I remember what it was like being a giddy teen, wanting to make my mark in the world, or as the insecure teen who worries over friendship , and school, and self-image. Or as a tween...not an adult, and not so much a baby either, and not knowing when to behave as which.
As woman....hahah...shall I even discuss this?
Like a colleague once remarked to his male friend the other side, "Hey, can you please move back downstairs? There's too much estrogen talking in the room!" Hahaha.
Short of sparking off a gender war, I do make the effort to sense and reflect how men would feel and react (or is it the other way around?!)
But, walking in another person's shoes is an art by itself.
It is always very challenging. It is never easy.
If you want to do it, you really have to leave your mental, emotional and intellectual baggage behind.
And prepare yourself to embrace a whole new world sometimes...and it may not be something that you are ready for.
The art of walking in another person's shoes...seriously, means not using your head to rationalise things.
Because when you do that you are still measuring the other person by your own yardstick.
You cannot really question and shoot it down. You have to suspend beliefs and hold your tongue.
The art of doing so means;-
You have to FEEL like that person...to eat, breathe, think, react, communicate...in short, BE that other person for a while.
And when you finally SEE things through his eyes , sensations and experiences, hopefully , the understanding will come in.
So if there is any amongst you, who have attained such wisdom,
Teach me so I can learn.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
In Full Bloom
I am home today...
It is the blessing I find; though being sick is not fun.
And yesterday's traumatic experience is something I do not wish to repeat.
As I scanned the papers this morning, something in the Forum Page of the Straits Times caught my eye. All the hullabaloo over the PSLE exam papers was put into perspective by a reader, Mr Ee Teck Tee.
I would like to quote these lines:
What is unfortunate is that in Singapore, a student's future is so often determined by just one examSome flowers which blossom late can also be of matchless beauty. Not doing well in any exam does not mean a student is inherently poor in that subject
His metaphor of the late bloomers remind us that it is high time that parents themselves stop pushing their children into the direction of academic success alone. Good results do not necessarily equate to a better future in today's context; neither do they reflect the 'quality' of the individual.
I will not be in school today to face parents. Like I once wrote on my updates on FB, "Red marks, red eyes & red faces - I hope that parents will not equate failure in exams to mean that the child is a total failure!"
I have seen my fair share of 'late bloomers'...and by God's will, how beautiful that can be. A child who was dogged with mediocre marks came to see me; head downcast and parents who could not understand "how come this one is so different...big brother and sister are university graduates...blah..blah.." This child however, had a gift. Give him a sketch pencil and a paintbrush, and caricatures come alive. He had a 'wicked'sense of humour, and I enjoyed many an afternoon listening to his ascerbic and witty exchanges with his peers. Today, he is a copywriter for one of the newspapers, and I am confident that he will make his way up.
I cannot speak enough of KC...who till today sometimes find it hard to shed his "I am just poly while they are high-fliers from top JCs."...For the umpteenth time, let me tell you, you earned your place there. By your own merit. What you may lack in terms of IQ, I am confident you will get by with your EQ and AQ.
The year end brought a mix bag of results from my own children. It was not the numbers of As scored, nor was I terribly upset by the U grades that appeared. It does not mean I am laid-back or not concerned. It meant that I value the effort and determination I saw behind those marks. I do try to accept the aptitude of each child,and understand appreciate that that the attitude in their approach will hopefully mean that there are in good stead to face the challenges of the future.
One of the plus points of staying in my school...is that I do get to see my true gems shine.
And I hope, that many more will continue to do so.
God,
A prayer of hope today for the many many buds which have yet to bloom.
Show the world that they too, can be spectacular someday.
Ameen.
It is the blessing I find; though being sick is not fun.
And yesterday's traumatic experience is something I do not wish to repeat.
As I scanned the papers this morning, something in the Forum Page of the Straits Times caught my eye. All the hullabaloo over the PSLE exam papers was put into perspective by a reader, Mr Ee Teck Tee.
I would like to quote these lines:
What is unfortunate is that in Singapore, a student's future is so often determined by just one examSome flowers which blossom late can also be of matchless beauty. Not doing well in any exam does not mean a student is inherently poor in that subject
His metaphor of the late bloomers remind us that it is high time that parents themselves stop pushing their children into the direction of academic success alone. Good results do not necessarily equate to a better future in today's context; neither do they reflect the 'quality' of the individual.
I will not be in school today to face parents. Like I once wrote on my updates on FB, "Red marks, red eyes & red faces - I hope that parents will not equate failure in exams to mean that the child is a total failure!"
I have seen my fair share of 'late bloomers'...and by God's will, how beautiful that can be. A child who was dogged with mediocre marks came to see me; head downcast and parents who could not understand "how come this one is so different...big brother and sister are university graduates...blah..blah.." This child however, had a gift. Give him a sketch pencil and a paintbrush, and caricatures come alive. He had a 'wicked'sense of humour, and I enjoyed many an afternoon listening to his ascerbic and witty exchanges with his peers. Today, he is a copywriter for one of the newspapers, and I am confident that he will make his way up.
I cannot speak enough of KC...who till today sometimes find it hard to shed his "I am just poly while they are high-fliers from top JCs."...For the umpteenth time, let me tell you, you earned your place there. By your own merit. What you may lack in terms of IQ, I am confident you will get by with your EQ and AQ.
The year end brought a mix bag of results from my own children. It was not the numbers of As scored, nor was I terribly upset by the U grades that appeared. It does not mean I am laid-back or not concerned. It meant that I value the effort and determination I saw behind those marks. I do try to accept the aptitude of each child,and understand appreciate that that the attitude in their approach will hopefully mean that there are in good stead to face the challenges of the future.
One of the plus points of staying in my school...is that I do get to see my true gems shine.
And I hope, that many more will continue to do so.
God,
A prayer of hope today for the many many buds which have yet to bloom.
Show the world that they too, can be spectacular someday.
Ameen.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
When they all break down
One by one...
The signs are telling me something, and that I really need to watch out.
I know what I should be doing.
Yet, why do I chose to put them aside?
Have been up all night.
My threshold of pain is lower now.
Up there, something hammers incessantly
while the nerves get stretched to taut fragile lines.
Pain...is not good for sanity.
The signs are telling me something, and that I really need to watch out.
I know what I should be doing.
Yet, why do I chose to put them aside?
Have been up all night.
My threshold of pain is lower now.
Up there, something hammers incessantly
while the nerves get stretched to taut fragile lines.
Pain...is not good for sanity.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Child - Sylvia Plath
Child
Your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing.
I want to fill it with color and ducks,
The zoo of the new
Whose names you meditate ---
April snowdrop, Indian pipe,
Little
Stalk without wrinkle,
Pool in which images
Should be grand and classical
Not this troublous
Wringing of hands, this dark
Ceiling without a star.
Her poems are sometimes dark and troubled, mirroring the inner recesses of her own mind. But dig deeper, and you will see the beauty in her style and the creativity of her imagery.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Does everything come with a price?
Over the past months, I have been following the progress of someone whose outlook on things sometimes run counter to my own beliefs and thinking. I have found myself wavering between hope and despair, with many many moments of exasperation in between.
Some asked me point blank why I even bother. Why would I allow someone, who clearly has an extremely strong will, affect me...It is most likely that he does not even realise that he has that ability to rattle me. Nor does this person seem to care about the way I feel.
I cannot answer that.
I know, that in God's grand scheme of things, somehow, this person is the one whom He entrusted upon me.
Yes, I know I speak of 'choices'...but even when I made the decision to draw the line, the chain of events that follow will ultimately lead me back to square 1.
So I accept my challenge, and I will follow through.
By right, this child is no different from the rest.
All have their stubborn streaks and moments of wilfulness. All caused heartaches and heartbreaks along the way. I have learnt to pick up the broken pieces and move on. Though I do not know if I will survive this one...or will be around long enough to follow through.
This child is a bundle of contractions if I may say so.
Detached, pragmatic and such a realist...that he unwittingly and silently screams for attention. Short of being cold and callous...he behaves in a manner as such because, he thinks is such - devoid of any capacity of feeling.There are times when I feel that my presence in his life must be likened to that of an annoying mosquito, buzzing around, trying to suck blood out of him. And yes, I have been felt the sensation of being smacked to death and flicked away.
But interestingly, nothing is ever good enough.
If you go deeper, it means that at least this person is capable of feeling albeit seemingly negative ones. And what follows, I see, is someone who is so scared of feelings that all are suppressed, never to be opened. It is so much safer that way. So "kill..or be killed".
To him, things that happen come at a price. Consequences of actions all reflect a cost; and the scales of the balance fall into disfavour because of one shortcoming, a flaw, or just plain bad luck. The actions of the future are all governed by what is done badly or not done in the past.
I find that very sad. A 'cost' deemed as the price one pays for actions; the toll, the sacrifice, the loss, the penalty, the damage incurred.
There is nothing I can do at the moment to change this. Even if I were to drop dead tomorrow will likely not have an impact.
But...I look up above, and I remember my amanah.
I will not give up on this child...at all costs.
Cost of being there for a child,any child , is priceless.
This is my duty, and I chose to do it willingly.
Dear God,
There are days...you know what I mean.
Do not let my own fears and insecurities overwhelm me.
Guide me.
Ameen.
Some asked me point blank why I even bother. Why would I allow someone, who clearly has an extremely strong will, affect me...It is most likely that he does not even realise that he has that ability to rattle me. Nor does this person seem to care about the way I feel.
I cannot answer that.
I know, that in God's grand scheme of things, somehow, this person is the one whom He entrusted upon me.
Yes, I know I speak of 'choices'...but even when I made the decision to draw the line, the chain of events that follow will ultimately lead me back to square 1.
So I accept my challenge, and I will follow through.
By right, this child is no different from the rest.
All have their stubborn streaks and moments of wilfulness. All caused heartaches and heartbreaks along the way. I have learnt to pick up the broken pieces and move on. Though I do not know if I will survive this one...or will be around long enough to follow through.
This child is a bundle of contractions if I may say so.
Detached, pragmatic and such a realist...that he unwittingly and silently screams for attention. Short of being cold and callous...he behaves in a manner as such because, he thinks is such - devoid of any capacity of feeling.There are times when I feel that my presence in his life must be likened to that of an annoying mosquito, buzzing around, trying to suck blood out of him. And yes, I have been felt the sensation of being smacked to death and flicked away.
But interestingly, nothing is ever good enough.
If you go deeper, it means that at least this person is capable of feeling albeit seemingly negative ones. And what follows, I see, is someone who is so scared of feelings that all are suppressed, never to be opened. It is so much safer that way. So "kill..or be killed".
To him, things that happen come at a price. Consequences of actions all reflect a cost; and the scales of the balance fall into disfavour because of one shortcoming, a flaw, or just plain bad luck. The actions of the future are all governed by what is done badly or not done in the past.
I find that very sad. A 'cost' deemed as the price one pays for actions; the toll, the sacrifice, the loss, the penalty, the damage incurred.
There is nothing I can do at the moment to change this. Even if I were to drop dead tomorrow will likely not have an impact.
But...I look up above, and I remember my amanah.
I will not give up on this child...at all costs.
Cost of being there for a child,any child , is priceless.
This is my duty, and I chose to do it willingly.
Dear God,
There are days...you know what I mean.
Do not let my own fears and insecurities overwhelm me.
Guide me.
Ameen.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
When Words Fail...
When the words fail...
Music speaks
and sends a message of harmony within
with its soothing or uplifiting melodies.
When words fail...
A hand declares your frustrations, anger or despair
And reaches out for comfort, assurance and hope.
When words fail...
A face voices the myriad of emotions
Of your fears, hurt or joy.
The eyes mirror quiet thoughts
through the tears that fall.
When words fail...
A head is bowed in soundless prayer
What matters, is that you are 'just there'
Saying nothing... yet doing so much.
What words fail...
Pictures of the mind can
Dance with the pen to utter it all.
When words fail...
You don't.
Silence…is power.
Music speaks
and sends a message of harmony within
with its soothing or uplifiting melodies.
When words fail...
A hand declares your frustrations, anger or despair
And reaches out for comfort, assurance and hope.
When words fail...
A face voices the myriad of emotions
Of your fears, hurt or joy.
The eyes mirror quiet thoughts
through the tears that fall.
When words fail...
A head is bowed in soundless prayer
What matters, is that you are 'just there'
Saying nothing... yet doing so much.
What words fail...
Pictures of the mind can
Dance with the pen to utter it all.
When words fail...
You don't.
Silence…is power.
I Salute You,My Esteemed Friend
Over the past months, I have suspended my writing for some many reasons. Instead, I spent my time trawling other blogs; in particular, one which belonged to a very special individual. She is relatively new to the blogging world, and yet, she has managed to fill it up with so many beautiful and interesting things. And I just love the way she puts things into perspective.
Her style is definitely different. Yet most of the time, the topics we touch on are quite similar. We share a common passion...a love for the kids. But she works wonders with them.
She gives her all...and I am nowhere a fraction near her level of compassion and kindness.
Dear friend,
I know why you do the things you do...and what drives you.
And as for your latest decision, I respect you for being brave to take that extra difficult step. You have a lot more courage than I do...for I have been trying to do the same things for two years now but did nothing.
I'll be watching and praying for you.
That you remain strong and resolute.
Thank you.
Her style is definitely different. Yet most of the time, the topics we touch on are quite similar. We share a common passion...a love for the kids. But she works wonders with them.
She gives her all...and I am nowhere a fraction near her level of compassion and kindness.
Dear friend,
I know why you do the things you do...and what drives you.
And as for your latest decision, I respect you for being brave to take that extra difficult step. You have a lot more courage than I do...for I have been trying to do the same things for two years now but did nothing.
I'll be watching and praying for you.
That you remain strong and resolute.
Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
