Shaken & Stirred

Within a short space of 3 days, many things happened.
And since I know that you will be reading this, I hope you will understand some of my references here.

Firstly, I am still on the topic of the DISC.
I am reflecting on how I perceive my environment, and how I respond to it.
Ok...

I am the high S, high C.(at the other extreme, comes the low D. low I)
Technically, this profiling all came about from choices...both the positive and negative choices I have made, and how they now shape my outlook of things.
Positive psychology looks into areas where one must leverage on one's strengths in order to propel one towards achieving one's goals.  But we all have our cynical and skeptical sides right.

Why have I seem to 'reject' things I once used to enjoy?
I think I was outgoing, gregarious, fun-loving and enthusiatic.
I grew up around so many people, and the nature of my job makes me want to be around people.
Why have I allowed myself to grativate towards introverted tendencies?

Experiences can change a person, both consciously and unconsciously.
I have reached a stage in my life where I am comfortable with who I am..
I love being with my family, and my circle of friends are the selected few.  I touch base with people around me via other means.  There is no longer a great need to be a social butterfly...that is too stressful.
I understand my father a lot better now...while mum makes it a point to go around and physically meet up, abah finds comfort around those who really mean a lot to him.

So what have I become?
Lets see if any of these hit the nail on the head?
By being a low D, I am subservient and docile. I allow people to walk over me. (But for you: I hope you see now why I blew up...Both of us patience have their limits...so while I am used to your short explosions,...you need to understand that when I blow, the eruption is just short of a major catastrophe).I have learned many bitter lessons in the work place, and thus, I am less trusting.  When I remain quiet and observant, others are not sure what I am thinking. Pragmatism has its merits, but I seem to have lost my spirit and my drive.

I want to quote something from my personal profile:
"Your tendency to follow procedures and rules in both your personal and professional life means that you are usually restrained in my emotions. In fact, an aura of cautious deliberation may often surrond you.  Even under pressure, you are likely to remain tactful and diplomatic."

Yes...I have chosen that.
I have chosen to, on many occasions hold my tongue and not say what I truly feel.
I have chosen to remain rational and in control....for I fear that when I don't do that, I will be utterly lost.
I have learned to think before I speak, and always be mindful of others.
And in the end, I end up being a very frustrated person, channelling all the negative energy elsewhere.

Saturday....
I guess it was a day of reckoning.
And I hope that we both learnt important lessons from that incident.
"You are likely to fear antagonistic behaviour, which may be because your sense of self-worth is not as high as it could be. it might help you to realise that you tend to define your value too much by what you accomplish, rather than by who you are as a person."
We are similar, and yet different.  What holds us together are the values and beliefs.
I fear that when fire is fought with fire...we both get burnt.
It's a hard lesson we learnt
One I will not forget easily.

Really shaken,
Really stirred
Really on the rocks.

DISC Prolifing & Revelations

I attended an interesting workshop on Friday. As a part of the effort to move forward, members of the SMC got ourselves profiled with the DISC tools.  By doing this, we got to gather a few insights on what kinds of personalities we are intrinsically, what we can become at work, and what drives or pressurise us at work.

I have done StrengthsQuest, and the 360 Feedback, and as far as I know, they both have revealed why I do the things I do, and what causes me to feel lacking in the things I do.  I recognise my plus points, and no matter how much I try, when I simply concentrate on overcoming my weaknesses, I end up being mediocre. Why? Simply because in the way things are run now, I am not able to leverage on my best aptitudes.  Positive attitude alone will not work, and in the long run, if there is no equity, I find myself in a rut.

Back to DISC.  What did it reveal?
Nothing new...that I am indeed a High S, High C....in short, the one who keeps peace at all costs to the point of being anal retentive! Hahahahaha.
I am the steady and compliant.  In the given grid, I fall under the Receptive category."These people are retiring and unobtrusive, and are reluctant to act unilaterally. They may be amiable in approach, or simply reserved and unresponsive, depending on their particular circumstances."

Is it really me? Has age mellowed me so much?
I used to think of myself as a firebrand; a tempest.  While growing up, I was gregarious and outgoing.
Mr Hyde has overwhelmed Dr.Jekyll.....Bruce Banner has tamed the Incredible Hulk.

Hence the stress factors.
While I used to get high out of socialising and meeting people,...I am on my way to becoming a recluse?
And that is why, I am getting stressed lately.  I used to think  I would easily work  with people and get along with them...by driving them forward.
Now?  My profile says..."Hey, let me do my work...alone, and I will do it well."
So what kind of leader am I now?....a pretty isolated and terribly closed-up one.

True...I am a planner. I got lots of ideas and want to do them well.
Haha...see how I colour coordinate my clothes and things at home.  I am loyal to a fault.
Changes upset me (haha...and I thought I was impulsive and flexible)
The truth out there shows...because I think and think and think and think...sometimes, I never get things done.

Well, I know that my strengths is that I am tactful and diplomatic.  Avoid confrontation at all costs...and sadly, it cost me ...for being assertive is not my forte.  I will need to work on this, and not be too willing to try to save the situation.  I need to learn to ask for help.  When confronted with a problem. I am the sponge that aborbs everything, and then when the burden is too much, I crumble under the weight, and ignore the problem altogether as if it does not exist.

Whoa...this is tough, but the insights give me certain clarity.
I am now certain, that my current position is not suitable for me....I am not the main player,,,but an excellent team player...Give me a supporting role, and I make sure, I will make sure I give the best of my knowledge and strength.

The combine profiles now lie with one person.  I hope she has the insight too...to do the reflection and see the bigger piece.
So please please understand...
I want to stay....I like being where I am, but not with what I do.
But I will be more effective when I am able to do the things I love.

Dear God,
I am learning to  accept what I am now, and how I have come to this stage.
Please help others to accept me too.
Ameen

DISC Prolifing & Revelations

Gandhi - 7 Blunders of the World

Wealth Without Work

Pleasure Without Conscience

Knowledge without Character

Commerce without Morality

Science without Humanity

Worship without Sacrifice

Politics without Principle


He was indeed a wise man.

Short Work & Tall Orders

It has not been a good start of the week.
Though I have cleared a lot of physical stuff, I need to get rid of emotional and mental baggage too.
They are the heaviest ones to shoulder.

Aound me, tempers are running short; including mine.
We are all snapping and barking.
Nothing seems to make us happy. 
And when we are unhappy, we make others unhappy too.

What's causing all these?
Misperceptions, miscommunication, (lack of it too) and one thousand and one things under the sun)
Things done, not done, not done properly, cannot be done....done for?

Arrrrgh...
Not good...not good.
The way to go is to snap out of this.

Dear God,
Keep me calm and sane.
I will survive this.
Ameen.

When love dies

It was strange.  This past week, a few people fielded me with questions about 'Love'.
I am no expert, and am still at times, pondering over it's significance.  This is one topic that lends itself to a whole spectrum of responses, and I must say, it really depends on the individuals.

The ancient Greeks, have 4 different words for love.
Agape - the traditional form of love - of happy thoughts and good feelings {Charity)
Eros - more of an attraction of desire, of passion and romance
Philia - the kind of comfortable feeling ...maybe between friends (Friendship)
Storge - affection ...like that of a parent for a child.(Affection)
(do read it up for yourself if you are interested)

But the one that really took me off guard, was this one.
The message was not one of hope.
"What happens when love dies?"

As it is, Love is such a complex emotion that it may , on the surface, seem easy to get rid of once it is no longer there.  But because love starts and grows from a certain point, it may have rooted deep within a person, and it is not easy to just let go.  We cannot switch on and off our emotions that easily.

Sadly, many a times, people get involved in relationships, or friendships, or even get married because they think they are 'in love'.  For some, it is the idea of falling in love with that idea itself that adds on to the confusion. Plus different perceptions of what love ought to be...we see now why, in an age of instant gratifications, marriages break down, and people are cynical about the idea.

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."- Anonymous

I know this is getting mushy.
But back to the question again...what does one do when love dies?

Again there are no answers.
You choose...
a) to allow it to die, and move on
b) to try and re-ignite the spark
c) do a lot of soul searching
many,many options.

But don't forget one sad fact.
Yeats said, "Hearts are not had as a gift.. Hearts are earned.."
You must have one loved the other person, and now, search deep within yourself to keep just a tiny portion of that...so that they will not be replaced with strong, intense hate instead.

Be strong, dear one.
May god be with you.

Happy Birthday, Mak

Today, my mother reached a new milestone in her life.  She turns 70.  And like my sister puts it, "She looks damned good for her age." Alhamdulillah.

I think mak is enjoying herself at the moment. I am grateful for that, and she is certainly blessed.
Her growing years were difficult, because she was raised in a family of 10, with her as the youngest girl at no 7. (there would have been about 14 altogether, though 4 died at birth or childhood).  Her father, my grandfather whom I never got to meet, drove a 'casket' bus: - something convenient looking at the number of his brood.  My late grandma was a smart but tight-fisted woman who raised her brood somehow when she became a widow shortly after the birth of her youngest son.

Mak came under the care of Tok Hamid, (her mother's brother) who was one of the rare Malays who managed to get some education, and was a clerk at a government office. His own family was small (3 kids - rarity then), and he ensured that she too had some education.  So mak went to school and made it far enough to become a teacher.  But in general though, her life was still very very hard.

Mak was (and still is), a pretty lady.  (haha...yes, only my sis inherited those genes).  She was particular about the way she carried herself..."never mind if you are poor...but never be poor in values". That is one of her beliefs.  And she is such a people-person, that she goes around making friends to anyone she meets.

She met Abah...and in this area of love, she is one of the luckiest women in the world.  He adores her, and till today, panders to her whims and fancies.  I know of many other couples who envies their closeness.  Mum can sometimes be hard to please, but Abah has the patience of a saint when it comes to the idiosyncracies of his wife.

I grew up with a mother who worked...unlike so many of my Malay peers who had stayed home mothers.  The house ...er...just like mine right now...was perpetually in a state of mess, but that did not matter.  Sometimes there was no home cooked meals waiting, but we got by. 

Dare I say that I had always been the good, obedient child?
Somehow, she had drummed into me not to be wilful, though I picked up her sensitivities and impulsive nature.  I rarely had those clash of personalities arguments.  My sis says it is because I tend to take after my dad, in allowing things to slide.  Sis and mum though, are so alike that sparks fly when they disagree.

But mak made a lot of sacrifices.
And I see it so clearly now.  She was 'not there'...while I grew up, so now, she throws her energies into my kids.  She is their teacher, guide, friend, nagger, and grandmother.  She showers them with so much, and practically takes over some of the parenting role when I am not around.

I am so lucky and blessed.
Happy Birthday Mak.
May Allah Bless you always.  I pray for your good health, and that you will have a long, serene and contented life.  May you always be surrounded by love and happiness.
Ameen.
Love, Dibah