No...No...No

Instead of banging my head against the  wall each time I spoke to my porcupines, I decided to look up for some answers to why they derive so much pleasure(?) by being so bull-headed.  This is what I found.

Negativism is a behaviour charaterised by the tendency to resist complying to suggestions and directions...something which happens I think 95 % of the time.  Make a polite request, and you'll get a direct no in return...No amount of cajoling, or even appeal to good sense will make the person change the fixed mindset.

According to studies, negativism appears and wanes at various stages of a person's development. Active negativism, that is, behavior characterized by doing the opposite of what is being asked, is commonly encountered with young children. I think we think of this stage as the 'terrible two and three' when a child tries to exert his automony..."No,No,No."...is the automatic response that has exasperated many a befuddled parent.
Studies have revealed that negativism develops during the first year of life, and resurfaces during toddlerhood and again during adolescence. Yup...the teenaged years is sometimes punctuated with either sullen sulky silence, or loud outbursts.  Yes...all teens feel that the world is against them...that they are at the receiving end of all the actions of their forefathers. So they shut their eyes and ears from whoever they think have contributed to their pathetic lives...and somehow revel in an amount of self-pity.

Negativism is often used by adolescents as a way to assert their autonomy from their parents and to control their own behavior. But here lies the danger.  It is not something that you can easily snap out off. It is almost cancerous in nature, for it takes over the whole being. When negativism does not diminish, it becomes a characteristic of the individual's personality. Negativism is an aspect of one of the essential features of oppositional-defiant disorder, characterized by a pattern of behavior that is defiant, negativistic, and hostile toward authority figures.  People like this do not trust anyone, except themselves, and will always be suspicious to people and their motives.  They do not appreciate kindness, and find it difficult to accept, when good is done to them.

*** I suppose I will have to keep on learning in order to understand.

Dear God,
Please preserve my sanity for if I do understand,
I need to keep on going despite the odds.
Ameen.

A funny thing called Love

This entry is for someone who is feeling rather confused right now.

I have watched you grow the past few years, and I do think that you are one of the most sensible persons I know.  Most of the time, you have your feet planted firmly on the ground, and you are clear about your goals.

But what has happened?
All of a sudden, you turned into a bowl of mush.
For someone who once vowed "No girl shall ever distract me from achieving what I want in life,"...you now seemed to have lost your sense of direction.

I warned you it was coming, but you had been so sure of yourself.
I have seen far too many of what cupid's arrow is capable to doing to a person's logic and reasoning, and more importantly, the havoc it wrecks on an unsuspecting individual.

I am not saying you are wrong...
But love is indeed a 'funny' emotion.
At your stage now, it has reduced you to a wreck.

Love is supposed to be positive...It is actually.
But I guess to you, it is something so unpredictable and irrational.
It is supposed to make you feel happy and contented, yet it robs you of your confidence and a peace of mind.

Love happens...
There is no 'timetable' when it will happen, or how it will happen.
It can strike at the most unpredictable and unexpected time,under circumstances which you probably cannot justify.

To you , all these emotions are new...
It  can be exciting and yet frustrating...a bliss and yet gut shattering. 
It has made you so unsure...so weak.

I do not have the answers for you...
It is sad...but you have to go through it yourself.
But I believe that if you get through this, you will emerge better and stronger.
It may not work out the way you want it to, but keep on believing in yourself.

Good luck,,,
If she does not accept you, then, it is she who does not know the value of a gem...
You are precious.

Spreading Your Wings

For the past few days, everyone at home (ya...everyone) has been busy helping Zafran pack. He will be leaving on a school trip to Tokyo, Japan with his peers from SRJC. He will be away for a week. I should say that he has been very lucky this time round.  The 22 students who are going are those considered with leadership potential, and he being the only Malay student chosen.

I step back for a while to reflect on how much he has grown.
I am a proud mother, and blessed to have such a son.
I know he gets  by in school, by sheer hard work and determination...driven by an instrinstic motivation to make his family proud.  (This is not a boast, for I think he gets that from me)...We both are not academically outstanding...but we survive and reach our goals quietly and steadily.

I am gratified each time I hear positive comments from his teachers.
"You have a well-mannered, pleasant child."  That makes any mother's day. 
Oh I am sure he has his naughty side too...but he seems well-adjusted.  I am blessed because my child still wants to speak to me, and tell me things...(haha...I know...not everything though)

I celebrate the milestones in his life...and support him during his struggles...
I shed a tear when he received his SPDF badge.
It was a leap of faith...to go to Haj, and not hear from him...as he trekked up the mountains in Kinabalu.
As he grew, he began seeing more and more of the world on his own...to HK and other places.
Two weeks ago, I saw a new side, a young man exploring possibilities in the world as he did his job attachment at Rajah and Tann, a prestigious law firm.

One day...he will leave the nest...
But I will pray...that as he spreads his wings, and finds his destiny,
he will be anchored by his values...and love.

Mama loves you Zafran.
As much as I love Iffah and Akmal...for each of you is unique and special.

Dear God,
Watch over my first-born as he goes on his trip.
Open his eyes wide as he sees the world, so that he will have a deeper appreciation of You and
Your Blessings.Ameen

Have a safe journey, Zafran
(and bring back a Hello Kitty for me)
Love, Mama

Kebobrokan

Yesterday, I was stumped by the word above when I read the Malay papers. I mean, a cursory glance of the headlines first left the impression that the word was 'keburukan' (the vices).  Well, while I am not proud of the fact that my competency in my own mother tongue language is far below my proficiency in English language, I guess my prediction was not too far off the mark.

But seriously...
Look at the ills of my community.  It has long been an issue that the Malays are not only lagging behind academically, but now, the main concerns is that we are even widening the gap socially.  The point is not just to do some finger pointing, or go deep to analyse the root cause of all these un-Malay behaviour...But then again,...really un-Malay? Or, have the recent ugly cases highlight the heart of the Malays themselves?

It is a vicious cycle, and no matter how we look at it, something has got to be done.
How many more little children have to suffer at the hands of thoughtless 'adults'? Al-fatihah for the souls of the late Edy, and Nonoi...and many others who lost their lives through cruel abuse...and a pray for those who have fallen prey to incest and senseless crimes committed by non-other by those who are 'family.

I know I will be guilty of making the worst assumptions and flawed reasoning...but look at things this way.

The Malays...
We still have the highest number of teenaged marriages. (No, I have nothing against marrying young). But a) a lot of these marriages are 'cover-ups' or shot-gun marriages arranged to cover the 'shame' of pre-marital liaisions b) a legal way some parents view to end the 'gatalness' of their children.  c) a quick way to gain 'freedom and independence'

But...
who are those who marry early or young?
Mainly those, who belong to the lower social strata...Not likely those who are pursuing higher education and or establishing themselves in more stable careers.
Are we really a community who think that 'asal cukup makan'?...that we are easily satisfied with our lot?
How far sighted are we as a community?
A lot of the young people naively think that LOVE is the most crucial ingredient to a long lasting and stable marriage.  Love alone is never enough.

The numbers do not lie.
While we are the minority group, how come statistically, we hold the highest number of divorces and re-marriages?  Why are we still the group producing the largest number of children?  How many of these children fall victims to broken , dysfunctional, multi-families?

Education has come far in Singapore.
That is one area where as a people, we stand an equal chance to prove ourselves and capability.  Yet, again, I see the high number of my people in the 'less-academically inclined streams'.  For years, we tried to push up the academic grades at all national levels, yet...we have the highest number of mainstream school leavers.  It is so so so sad.

There is just too much to think and reflect about.
We have a critical problems on our hands...
The question now is...what are we going to do about it?


Prayer for the day:
Dear God,
I thank you for Your Blessings.  I am the lucky one.
and I pray for your continued Love and Protection.
Ameen

Is this really the best of all possible worlds?

I have been trying to understand some of the philosophical arguments put forth through the years.  Maybe it is a part of my own journey into discovering my self and my own existence.  Yes, there are things which, as part of my faith, I believe, but occasionally, it is good to question.

Leibniz was a famous rationalist philosopher, who tried to make sense of the sufferings and injustices in the world...for if God is omnipotent and omnibenevolent, all that would not exist. As a rationalist, he thinks that reason take precedence over other ways of acquiring knowledge.

I think it is a little hard for me to swallow all that wholesale...
According to what I have read, this is how he derived that line of reasoning.

a) It is God who has chosen to create this world, otherwise, nothing would exisit.
b) There is such a thing as the 'principle of sufficient reason'...which would seem to show that there has to be an explanation why God has chosen to create this world rather than another.
c) God choice of creating this world must be then found in His attributes, since there was nothing else around then.
d) And because God is the Almighty who is perfect, he then created the best possible world....It is the only possible world...for he would not create a world that is not.

Ahhh...the Rationalist...
To him..the world is simply what it is...

There is this rather interesting analogy that follows
The optimist says." The glass if half full"
The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
The rationalist says, " This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

hahaha...no wonder I sigh over that.

Dear God,
Guide me through my journey,
to re-discover You and Your Greatness.
Ameen.

I thought of someone...who is not around.
The feeling of loss struck hard and deep.



The words of comfort I found are these:

When someone you love leaves you, or goes away forever, weep not.

Do not repress the grief by trying to forget; revel in the joy of remembering.

Take comfort, that the person means much, and loved you much,

And that you too, have loved in return.



I will try...
to remember you...

Dear God
Watch over...please
Ameen

Voices... prayers for you.

I had a strange dream last night.
I was by the water, twirling ringlets with my finger.  I cannot figure where I was, but just aware that I was surrounded by colours. Not vivid nor bright, mutedly quiet as they went through the entire colour wheel.

I felt was I was searching for something that was in the water.  I think I must have dropped something, yet I was not frantic...as if I was certain that the object would surface in the little whirlpools I was creating.  But when the water stilled, and the ripples calmed, something surreal happened.

From somewhere, the Voices came...
Some familiar, some stilted, some soft; others loud and jarring.
All wanted to say something to be me...I heard them all, and yet, it was like being in the tower of Babel.  I understood, and yet I could not catch the message.

But one line stood out.
"Find me...help me."
It was like a bolt out of the blue...and with a start, I woke up.

Whoever you are...I will try.

Dear God,
If it is Your Will...lead the way.
Ameen.