Last Thursday evening, after the orals were done, I crawled back (hmmm...been doing a lot of crawling lately) to the meeting room. This was one meeting that cannot be missed. You see, we had guests that afternoon; several high-ranking educators from other institutions, who would sit in for a few hours and assess us individually as we conducted our meeting.
You would imagine the amount of 'role-playing' that could have taken place in that room. But true to the spirit, my friends and colleagues were not out there to 'out-do' each other. We closed ranks, and rallied behind one another, unafraid to show our true selves. ( I salute you my friends). We may not be openly vocal, there were no power-hungry individuals who decided that this would be the best moment to shine.
My sleepy, weary mind was jolted when the esteemed school leaders invited us for an open dialogue. Prior to the meeting, we were given an article to read : "Critical Thinking and the Asian schools." It was not an academic paper; just a commentary in a foreign newspaper about how schools in Asia is coping with this challenge.
You know, here was were the irony unfolded. I wonder how prepared the facilitators were to handle the intellectual discussion that ensued...cos , the more the topic was discussed, the more boxed in I felt...and it went against the spirit of what critical thinking is all about.
Without a doubt, schools must 'teach' critical thinking skills...MOE has long identified it as a necessary 21st century skill ; to prepare one for the unknown challenges of the so-called globalisation and new economy. We see the various efforts made at the various levels.
But we take a step back...and question.
How much do the real implementors...the teachers and its fraternity, truly understand the meaning of critical thinking, and its underpinnings? How prepared are we not only to deliver the content knowledge, but nurture that hunger for mental curiosity and discovery?
The gaps are obvious.
For one, teachers are the products of the 20th century-kind of education system, and yet made to bear this great responsibility. Add the pace of technology , and all its mind-boggling complexities, it is clear that the teachers themselves are in dire need to a greater paradigm shift than their charges. And what holds us back sometimes? 2 things....FEAR and CHANGE...we are so afraid of challenges.
Obviously, this topic is too wide to be discussed in just one entry alone here.
But this is my first takeaway from that discussion...where we spoke sincerely (and critically) about the challenges ahead.
Critical thinking does not necessarily equates itself to raising a new generation of people who will be questioning just for the sake of questioning....It does not mean developing the minds to be rebellious. There is an apparent fear that being critical means having to criticise negatively to what is presented to the individual.
The end goals of critical thinking is to have individuals who will be able to be flexible and respond well to challenges. He is able to think through carefully, suspend his own judgements, accept and listen to the views of others, give critiques based on facts and make rational decisions...all for the greater good of the community. He is able to analyse things at the micro level, without losing sight of the bigger picture....and of course, being anchored not only by 'the god of reason', but also by universal values that are good.
That...is worth thinking critically about.
How prepared am I for this?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
When the other shoe dropped...
A day of reckoning...
Isn't life strange? You can have the best laid plans, the most careful strategies rehearsed in your mind, but when it comes to the execution, you wonder how much hand you actually have in deciding your fate. Afterall, He knows best.
Anyway, I think I can exhale..
I have finally walked up to (more like crawled to) the office, and told them of my intentions/
I relinquish my position by the end of the year. There....done....
I had thought I would be doing cartwheels and backflips when I was able to do that.
Over and over in my mind, I had envisioned myself thumping my fists in the air, in joy.
But as I sat there, I felt hollow; very much like a deflated balloon.
I am sure I have made the right decision, but ....
...... ...... .....
On a different topic.
Is it ever written somewhere , in black and white, the things a mother ought or ought not to do?
Or what falls within the realm of motherly duties, and what does not?
Let me put one thing straight....
A mother...
reacts instinctively...rationally...
governed and motivated
by an unconditional love for her child.....
Isn't life strange? You can have the best laid plans, the most careful strategies rehearsed in your mind, but when it comes to the execution, you wonder how much hand you actually have in deciding your fate. Afterall, He knows best.
Anyway, I think I can exhale..
I have finally walked up to (more like crawled to) the office, and told them of my intentions/
I relinquish my position by the end of the year. There....done....
I had thought I would be doing cartwheels and backflips when I was able to do that.
Over and over in my mind, I had envisioned myself thumping my fists in the air, in joy.
But as I sat there, I felt hollow; very much like a deflated balloon.
I am sure I have made the right decision, but ....
...... ...... .....
On a different topic.
Is it ever written somewhere , in black and white, the things a mother ought or ought not to do?
Or what falls within the realm of motherly duties, and what does not?
Let me put one thing straight....
A mother...
reacts instinctively...rationally...
governed and motivated
by an unconditional love for her child.....
Monday, July 12, 2010
"Dreams" - for reflection
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes -
How do you go about defining dreams?
Is it a vision, a goal with a definite target in mind?
Or is it some fuzzy, feel-good feeling wrapped around ideals?
A dream, to me, is the fuel that drives my internal engine.
With it comes hope, motivation, and desire.
But the reality is...as human beings,
We get dragged down by our past hurt and experiences,
We cannot let go of the past and we want to guard against future disappointments.
I do ask if my dream is truly mine sometimes.
Or am I living the dream for the sake of someone else. I know that unless there is shared ownership of that someone else's expectations, I will forever be shackled; letting down both the other person, and myself.
A dream is best mine...
Yes, dreams do 'die'...but only if we let it be so.
The odds, circumstances, inaptitude, luck...we find reasons to blame why we no longer pursue our deepest longings. But in the end, we know that it is us...because we let go, and give up.
Can dreams change?
Yes they can, they do, and they will.
Can dreams die?
...it is up to you.
No ands,ifs or buts...
If you do not hold on to your dreams...
You will break....
"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world." - Joel Barker
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes -
How do you go about defining dreams?
Is it a vision, a goal with a definite target in mind?
Or is it some fuzzy, feel-good feeling wrapped around ideals?
A dream, to me, is the fuel that drives my internal engine.
With it comes hope, motivation, and desire.
But the reality is...as human beings,
We get dragged down by our past hurt and experiences,
We cannot let go of the past and we want to guard against future disappointments.
I do ask if my dream is truly mine sometimes.
Or am I living the dream for the sake of someone else. I know that unless there is shared ownership of that someone else's expectations, I will forever be shackled; letting down both the other person, and myself.
A dream is best mine...
Yes, dreams do 'die'...but only if we let it be so.
The odds, circumstances, inaptitude, luck...we find reasons to blame why we no longer pursue our deepest longings. But in the end, we know that it is us...because we let go, and give up.
Can dreams change?
Yes they can, they do, and they will.
Can dreams die?
...it is up to you.
No ands,ifs or buts...
If you do not hold on to your dreams...
You will break....
"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world." - Joel Barker
Air dicincang tak akan putus..
Literally translated, the phrase means, "Water, even when chopped with an axe will not break/split."
That is a Malay proverb that deals with family ties.
Very often, no matter how bad the relationships may sour, somehow, blood ties will prevail.
The past two months have been a time for family...
to meet new challenges, to mend frail ties, to welcome new kin and also to celebrate, and at the same time cry. It is also a time where we put aside differences, and embrace each other's individuality.
Above all, it reminds me that family, kith and kin, are important.
We celebrate...
with weddings and births....
I would like to think of how the family has expanded. I feel that nenek would have loved to have seen these moments when her clan are drawn together.
I saw in my cousin's Dinah's eyes...the elation of a new-bride. I am sure that her late mother would have finally approved. Twenty-years ago, she had sacrifced her own happiness, for her mother, worried that she would 'lose' her daughter, had disapproved of the relationship. But 'kalau dah jodoh, tak kan ke mana.' Who would have thought that now, he reappeared in her life. This time round, the blessings flowed readily.
My cousin Azhari flew down from Melbourne. He has migrated to Australia, and that had brought a lot of heartache for his mother and sister. But the news of Kak Ani's illness brought him back on the first flight home...to ensure that he puts things in order. He does not shirk around from his responsibilities. And what a pleasure it was for me, to have been able to 'steal him away' for a short while:- this cousin who is as close as a brother to me. I miss him...
More weddings...
I watch with mixed feelings at the rows of my aunts and uncles who are getting on with age.
Why does it seem that with each rare gathering, we realise that there is someone missing...a loved one who has passed on?
Yes, the younger generation is there, but will they ever be able to build such strong bonds like that of their parents, or grandparents? Perhaps, there is always hope...as I introduce my children to the myriads of second and third cousins...I can hope and pray...
No family is without secrets, no family is picture perfect.
We have our fair share of black sheep, and skeletons in the cupboards.
I may have my ups and downs with them.
But I am assured, when it comes to the crux of the matter, my family....will rally around me.
In sickness and in health
In good and bad....
Allah, watch over the people I call family...I love them so.
That is a Malay proverb that deals with family ties.
Very often, no matter how bad the relationships may sour, somehow, blood ties will prevail.
The past two months have been a time for family...
to meet new challenges, to mend frail ties, to welcome new kin and also to celebrate, and at the same time cry. It is also a time where we put aside differences, and embrace each other's individuality.
Above all, it reminds me that family, kith and kin, are important.
We celebrate...
with weddings and births....
I would like to think of how the family has expanded. I feel that nenek would have loved to have seen these moments when her clan are drawn together.
I saw in my cousin's Dinah's eyes...the elation of a new-bride. I am sure that her late mother would have finally approved. Twenty-years ago, she had sacrifced her own happiness, for her mother, worried that she would 'lose' her daughter, had disapproved of the relationship. But 'kalau dah jodoh, tak kan ke mana.' Who would have thought that now, he reappeared in her life. This time round, the blessings flowed readily.
My cousin Azhari flew down from Melbourne. He has migrated to Australia, and that had brought a lot of heartache for his mother and sister. But the news of Kak Ani's illness brought him back on the first flight home...to ensure that he puts things in order. He does not shirk around from his responsibilities. And what a pleasure it was for me, to have been able to 'steal him away' for a short while:- this cousin who is as close as a brother to me. I miss him...
More weddings...
I watch with mixed feelings at the rows of my aunts and uncles who are getting on with age.
Why does it seem that with each rare gathering, we realise that there is someone missing...a loved one who has passed on?
Yes, the younger generation is there, but will they ever be able to build such strong bonds like that of their parents, or grandparents? Perhaps, there is always hope...as I introduce my children to the myriads of second and third cousins...I can hope and pray...
No family is without secrets, no family is picture perfect.
We have our fair share of black sheep, and skeletons in the cupboards.
I may have my ups and downs with them.
But I am assured, when it comes to the crux of the matter, my family....will rally around me.
In sickness and in health
In good and bad....
Allah, watch over the people I call family...I love them so.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Living with the choices you make
It's over....
The months we had spent preparing for EV came to a peak last week, and this weekend, I could breathe a little better..
Or so I thought.
True to their words, the EV team did not really come with the intention of fault finding.
But during the course of the 3 days,being interviewed by the different people with varying styles, the flaws in our systems became more than glaring. At one point, when the session turned out to be more of a tutorial session for us, it was apparent that we are below par....and that the members of the E, in a way, felt sorry for us.
Maybe that is my interpretation...
We are nowhere near our vision...something we need to reflect. Are they too lofty in the first place?
Maybe not..but it will have to take a lot of rethinking . Perhaps it was not clear in the first place.
Whatever it is, there is really a lot of work to be done.
I hate this actually.
Instead of being able to sleep once EV is over, why am I kept awake at night worrying about what needs to be done?
I have made up my mind...give up the position.
Can't I make a decision, without having to feel guilty about it?
Please, I can no longer put my job before my family. I simply can't.
and if the school cannot accept that...even if it means my resignation...
then , I will.
On another note...
Please child, don't open up your heart to me...
I am afraid...I cannot cope.
I am not the one to help you.
The months we had spent preparing for EV came to a peak last week, and this weekend, I could breathe a little better..
Or so I thought.
True to their words, the EV team did not really come with the intention of fault finding.
But during the course of the 3 days,being interviewed by the different people with varying styles, the flaws in our systems became more than glaring. At one point, when the session turned out to be more of a tutorial session for us, it was apparent that we are below par....and that the members of the E, in a way, felt sorry for us.
Maybe that is my interpretation...
We are nowhere near our vision...something we need to reflect. Are they too lofty in the first place?
Maybe not..but it will have to take a lot of rethinking . Perhaps it was not clear in the first place.
Whatever it is, there is really a lot of work to be done.
I hate this actually.
Instead of being able to sleep once EV is over, why am I kept awake at night worrying about what needs to be done?
I have made up my mind...give up the position.
Can't I make a decision, without having to feel guilty about it?
Please, I can no longer put my job before my family. I simply can't.
and if the school cannot accept that...even if it means my resignation...
then , I will.
On another note...
Please child, don't open up your heart to me...
I am afraid...I cannot cope.
I am not the one to help you.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Lessons from the World Cup.
For most part of the past month, I did not have a good night's rest...thanks to the World Cup fever.
Now, I am past the age of being soccer crazy, for I had more than my fill in my salad days. The men in my house have taken sides on which teams to root for, and have gone to a point to make everyone in the family choose their favoured teams. I was left with many of the 'default' sides...but to my amazement, at least 4 moved on to the quarterfinals...but then, that is a different story.
The matches are played at an unearthly hour, and I am in no mood to be awakened by frantic yells of 'Gooooal'. Nor do I appreciate the amount of expletives exploded for the missed opportunities. But my biggest bugbear today must be the vuvuzela...that 'thingy' which I deem fit for the pipe-pipers of dengue mosquitoes. The endless, mindless drone buzz incessantly in my head, and because I have always been tuned in to the slightest sounds, lets say it has been hard to even get a wink of rest. The result?....ggggrrrrr!
But when I am in one of my saner moods, I do try to reflect about the things I learnt.
a) There is something about men and balls (ooops...that sounds so wrong! Sorry)
No, lets make comparisons with teaching.
From the Pepsi ad:
a) As the players get closer to the target...the goal posts get shifted. Have I, as a teacher, done that to my students? I know the aim is to keep pushing them to aim higher...yet even before they can actually score a goal, I make the posts more elusive? Have I forgotten that many will get demoralised by it?
b) Stars do not make a team.
How the mighty fall fallen....Some of these stars earn more than many of the African nations annual GDP. Inflated pockets and egos do not necessary be the ingredients to victory. And it has been proven again and again, how tantrums, and diva-like behaviour are magnified at the World Cup. What has happened to the idea of team spirit and shared responsibilities? There is no 'I' in team.
c) Hopes and dreams
Some of the teams were lifted by their never-ending dream of achieving success. I have been impressed by the passion of the African teams, who, without the big names and sponsorship, gave their heart and soul into the games they played. It is not so much about winning, but about trying to make their dream come true. It is about the love for the game, played in the true spirit of sportsmanship, without the drama and theatrics. I hope that my students will never lose sight of their goals. Yes, we will stumble along the way, but do not give up. Try and try again.
d) The coach.
He is the main playmaker...and somehow, the victory and defeat of the teams are attributed to him. When a team wins, he is great. When a team loses, the trend seems to be that he gets sacked. Then, there are teams who mutineed, and go against his orders. The older players take the lead, and try to oust what they deem as an 'ineffective coach.' And when a favoured team loses, the entire nation calls for an excution of the coach. His head must roll.
What is the point here?
I see that the coach is not much different than that of a teacher. Sometimes, students wonder why we push them so hard, and 'make their lives miserable'. It goes back to that word 'responsibility'. A teacher is obligated to make sure the students do well. It is not a matter about results alone...though in most cases, we know that a teacher's worth is measured by the academic success of her charges. In terms of accountability, yes, our heads will roll when the performance is poor.
But then again...
What about other factors?
What about the condition of the pitch, the weather, short-sighted linesmen and refs?
What about distractions from the vuvuzelas?
What about the new unpredictable ball used?
What about the attitude of the players and team?
What about luck?
At the end, quantity seems to count...the team that scored the most goal in the match, wins.
The coach...his fate lies in that.
So is how an educator too, seems to be judged. (If my team is not even in the major league, what does it say of me?)
Hmmmmmm......
Now, I am past the age of being soccer crazy, for I had more than my fill in my salad days. The men in my house have taken sides on which teams to root for, and have gone to a point to make everyone in the family choose their favoured teams. I was left with many of the 'default' sides...but to my amazement, at least 4 moved on to the quarterfinals...but then, that is a different story.
The matches are played at an unearthly hour, and I am in no mood to be awakened by frantic yells of 'Gooooal'. Nor do I appreciate the amount of expletives exploded for the missed opportunities. But my biggest bugbear today must be the vuvuzela...that 'thingy' which I deem fit for the pipe-pipers of dengue mosquitoes. The endless, mindless drone buzz incessantly in my head, and because I have always been tuned in to the slightest sounds, lets say it has been hard to even get a wink of rest. The result?....ggggrrrrr!
But when I am in one of my saner moods, I do try to reflect about the things I learnt.
a) There is something about men and balls (ooops...that sounds so wrong! Sorry)
No, lets make comparisons with teaching.
From the Pepsi ad:
a) As the players get closer to the target...the goal posts get shifted. Have I, as a teacher, done that to my students? I know the aim is to keep pushing them to aim higher...yet even before they can actually score a goal, I make the posts more elusive? Have I forgotten that many will get demoralised by it?
b) Stars do not make a team.
How the mighty fall fallen....Some of these stars earn more than many of the African nations annual GDP. Inflated pockets and egos do not necessary be the ingredients to victory. And it has been proven again and again, how tantrums, and diva-like behaviour are magnified at the World Cup. What has happened to the idea of team spirit and shared responsibilities? There is no 'I' in team.
c) Hopes and dreams
Some of the teams were lifted by their never-ending dream of achieving success. I have been impressed by the passion of the African teams, who, without the big names and sponsorship, gave their heart and soul into the games they played. It is not so much about winning, but about trying to make their dream come true. It is about the love for the game, played in the true spirit of sportsmanship, without the drama and theatrics. I hope that my students will never lose sight of their goals. Yes, we will stumble along the way, but do not give up. Try and try again.
d) The coach.
He is the main playmaker...and somehow, the victory and defeat of the teams are attributed to him. When a team wins, he is great. When a team loses, the trend seems to be that he gets sacked. Then, there are teams who mutineed, and go against his orders. The older players take the lead, and try to oust what they deem as an 'ineffective coach.' And when a favoured team loses, the entire nation calls for an excution of the coach. His head must roll.
What is the point here?
I see that the coach is not much different than that of a teacher. Sometimes, students wonder why we push them so hard, and 'make their lives miserable'. It goes back to that word 'responsibility'. A teacher is obligated to make sure the students do well. It is not a matter about results alone...though in most cases, we know that a teacher's worth is measured by the academic success of her charges. In terms of accountability, yes, our heads will roll when the performance is poor.
But then again...
What about other factors?
What about the condition of the pitch, the weather, short-sighted linesmen and refs?
What about distractions from the vuvuzelas?
What about the new unpredictable ball used?
What about the attitude of the players and team?
What about luck?
At the end, quantity seems to count...the team that scored the most goal in the match, wins.
The coach...his fate lies in that.
So is how an educator too, seems to be judged. (If my team is not even in the major league, what does it say of me?)
Hmmmmmm......
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Life...
No, I did not stop writing. There are far too many entries saved as draft to support that conclusion.
Since jotting down my random thoughts can be highly personal, I was afraid what the recent outpourings would reveal. There are some things which are fresh, and raw...and I think sometimes, I need to take cover.
The first 6 months have been eventful.
When things happen, it is always good to be able to take one step back and reflect; instead of simply reacting to the situation. I think I am able to see the bigger picture, from consequences of past actions, to personal choices made, and of many things done and not done. Of opportunities not taken, of why things that I think I have planned will end up thwarted.
I have received one too many 'wake-up' calls.
God has given me many blessings; some of which come so naturally that I take things for granted. Life is one of them. It's true you know...when people say that you don't really know the good things you have, until you lose them.
When Iffah feel ill, there were so many unanswered questions.
It is easy to be consumed by feelings of guilt and remorse; over my own shortcomings as a mother. What have I done wrong? Have I been selfish in the pursuit of my own goals?
And when some of the deeper reasons were surfaced, the dilemma continues...Have I, in trying to protect my child from the harsh realities of the world, make her emotionally vulnerable when it comes to the crunch?
How much do I know of my own children?
This holiday too...well, it seems that holiday has become an elusive idea...that exists in the recesses of my heart and mind. I know...my responsibilities must not be taken lightly. But I have reached a point when self-denial and escapism become the modus operandi of my daily existence. I have forced myself to focus on work...getting things done, yet I am put off by the things I once used to love.
I have told myself countless times that I need to get my priorities right.
Yes...but do you know how much courage it takes to really get down to doing that?
The decisions have someone been put aside, because of circumstances and what nots....deep down, I know that they are mere excuses.
One reminder came over the weekend...
A dear cousin, someone I have grown up with, is gravely ill.
There...a logical person can triangulate the signs and signals.
The C markers....do run in the family genes....especially the females.
But instead of doing something about it, why do we seem to sweep this obvious reality aside?
What makes us run away in self-denial...and trying to put off things we which can do now, that would probably save our lives.
I've had my fair share of scares in the past...surgery is not an option that I want...
So is that why I throw myself into the job...(and allow it to consume me)...so that I can forget about another bigger issue?
Life is precious...life is fragile...life...is the grace of God that allows us to live for another day.
Choose to live...
Choose right...
Act now.
Since jotting down my random thoughts can be highly personal, I was afraid what the recent outpourings would reveal. There are some things which are fresh, and raw...and I think sometimes, I need to take cover.
The first 6 months have been eventful.
When things happen, it is always good to be able to take one step back and reflect; instead of simply reacting to the situation. I think I am able to see the bigger picture, from consequences of past actions, to personal choices made, and of many things done and not done. Of opportunities not taken, of why things that I think I have planned will end up thwarted.
I have received one too many 'wake-up' calls.
God has given me many blessings; some of which come so naturally that I take things for granted. Life is one of them. It's true you know...when people say that you don't really know the good things you have, until you lose them.
When Iffah feel ill, there were so many unanswered questions.
It is easy to be consumed by feelings of guilt and remorse; over my own shortcomings as a mother. What have I done wrong? Have I been selfish in the pursuit of my own goals?
And when some of the deeper reasons were surfaced, the dilemma continues...Have I, in trying to protect my child from the harsh realities of the world, make her emotionally vulnerable when it comes to the crunch?
How much do I know of my own children?
This holiday too...well, it seems that holiday has become an elusive idea...that exists in the recesses of my heart and mind. I know...my responsibilities must not be taken lightly. But I have reached a point when self-denial and escapism become the modus operandi of my daily existence. I have forced myself to focus on work...getting things done, yet I am put off by the things I once used to love.
I have told myself countless times that I need to get my priorities right.
Yes...but do you know how much courage it takes to really get down to doing that?
The decisions have someone been put aside, because of circumstances and what nots....deep down, I know that they are mere excuses.
One reminder came over the weekend...
A dear cousin, someone I have grown up with, is gravely ill.
There...a logical person can triangulate the signs and signals.
The C markers....do run in the family genes....especially the females.
But instead of doing something about it, why do we seem to sweep this obvious reality aside?
What makes us run away in self-denial...and trying to put off things we which can do now, that would probably save our lives.
I've had my fair share of scares in the past...surgery is not an option that I want...
So is that why I throw myself into the job...(and allow it to consume me)...so that I can forget about another bigger issue?
Life is precious...life is fragile...life...is the grace of God that allows us to live for another day.
Choose to live...
Choose right...
Act now.
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