Where do you draw the line?

In my line of duty, one of the 'unspoken' responsibilities is to 'save as many lives' as possible. Nope, we are not as noble as doctors, nor heroic as the firefighters and the policemen...but whenever we come across a 'lost soul', we do try as much as possible to put the person back on track.

But where do you draw the line?
When do you realise that no matter what you do, there are among those, who
a) take advantage 'second chances' too many times and abuse your trust and belief
b) simply can't be bothered to be saved
c) are so 'lost' beyond the point of redemption?

I don't know how to give an answer based on facts.  This is human nature...not some number game, or something that can be explained rationally or logically.
When I feel uncomfortable, and when I know the vibes and auras are not right...then I listen to my gut feeling.

Sadly...some people...there is just no point helping.
What a waste!

Disengagment - a matter of choice

Today, I was nearly jumping up and down in frustration over a child who apparently shows no interest in his work at all. You see, most of the time, if I scold the students, some will either show me a sulky response, or some form of mortification. But with this one - blase, nonchalance and absolutely-I-don't-give-a-damn demeanour irks me to no end. It is insolence at its utmost -

I have tried the soft approach - it did not work. I tried the hard approach. It still does not work. Words have the same effect on him as water has on a duck's back.  Nothing gets to him.
So now what?
The best description for this child is 'disengaged' - he is totally not connected to anyone nor anything.
It seems as though he lives in a world of his own creation- cut off from the rest of the world.  To him, whatever goes around him that is not synchronised with his own agenda, is something of an inconvenience to his life.  He is tactless to the point of being selfishly heartless. And what is worse, he does not even care that no one in the class likes him, or even bother about him.

How does a child ever reach to a point like that?
I have always believed that everyone has a redeeming quality...but so far...sigh
I end up huffing and puffing till I turn blue!

He doesn't care, or is it that he does not know how to?
He does not feel, or is he afraid to feel?
He is not connected, or has someone rejected him in the past to make him this way?

I don't know.
But he has chosen....not to care, or feel, or think.
And this is so sad.

Flexibility & Change

I will now try shorter entries so that I can find the time to continue writing on a more regular basis.
This morning, I came across this quote

"Inflexibility is one of the worst human failings.
You can learn to check impetuosity,
overcome fear with confidence,
and laziness with discipline.
But for rigidity of mind, there is no antidote.
It carries the seeds of its own destruction." - Anonymous

Well, it is not that dramatic...there are many other human vices I can think of. But indeed, if we fear change, and refuse to change our mindsets - all in the name of being true to our values and beliefs - then I feel that we are missing out.  You can have the 'unnegotiable things in life'...but you need to have an open mind. You need to understand the bigger picture of things, and not be stubbornly resistant that you refuse to see things from another person's perspective.

One last reminder - "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape" - Michael McGriff
You accept, you adapt, you understand and become better.

Deep Speak - Self Reflections

Today, as I cleared my drawers in school, I came across a box of cards.
The title of these cards is "Deep Speak", and basically, the set consists of 120 questions on beautifully designed cards, which are meant for deep thinking.

"Some questions are hard to answer
Some questions take us by surprise
Some questions haunt us for years
Some questions make us laugh
Some questions challenge our values
...and our picture of who we are..."

This is what is written on the cover of this box.
I had used this questions when I taught literature last year, and needed to draw my shy, seemingly unresponsive kids from their shells.

I have picked out one for self-reflection of my own.
This question reads, "What do you think is the hardest thing for young people today/"
Lets see...
I feel that while the younger generation are born in an era where life has been made much easier by all the technological advances, it has ironically made their lives less 'meaningful'.  They have access to fast information; can travel conveniently around the globe; and have most of their jobs less physically tiring by modern machines.

But has the 'easy' life made the young too comfortable? Do they assume that they can always get things the fast and simple way; and that eventually, money will be the way to cure all the evils of the world they perceive?

How will they learn to be more resilient and less dependent?
Will they be able to think on their feet?
Can they retain values like compassion, empathy, care and kindness?

Young people today are lucky since they do not really have to 'suffer' much...and yet, I worry that without that necessary hardship; many will take things for granted.  They may be more self-centred, and inward looking; and put their own needs first before the greater good of mankind.

I may be wrong..I am sure that there are still plenty of decent, well-grounded young individuals out there.
But just a gentle reminder here...
Life is not just the pursuit of material and physical gains.
Happiness, love and good health are still key to the human existence....Do not forget that

Lessons from" The Road Less Travelled" (life's lessons)

I need a little 'food for the soul". So Kit told me to re-read "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck.
It's a classic...with a good dose of common sense and deep reflections.
Maybe this is the emotional and mental sustenance I need right now.

The first chapter starts like this:
"Life is difficult"
Often we moan and groan about this. We whine, we grumble...and make ourselves the victim of everything else except for our own selves.

I guess it would be so much easier to accept that it may be a fact that life is difficult.
There are no free passes
Nothing comes easy; nothing is for free.
Challenges and obstacles will stand in my way, at some point or another.

So here is the challenge.
Do I continue to adopt a victim, self-pitying mentality?
Or do I grit my teeth, and tell myself...
"Face it...Only I can help myself"...

ah....there are days...and there are days...
Right now...it's getting myself to believe...in myself again.
When life gives you lemons...
Learn to enjoy the tang!


Dear God
Give me strength.
Amin.

Lessons from the past

Today, I had to take stock of my own actions again.
Each year, the release of the exam results will be a day when I go on a wild emotional roller-coaster ride.
Each time, I feel the need to hang on tightly to my sanity as I stand up and be counted.

The hardest part of the job I do is standing up and admitting my accountability for the overall results.  This is something that you cannot run away from.  No matter how much one tries to find excuses, or push the blame, or dig up reasons, the fact is that someone got to be the one responsible.

It's not a blame game.
It's taking stock of how much I am liable for the events that have  unfolded.
I need to remember that while collectively, the impression of the results is not too bad; to some of my kids, each grade matters.

It's not a time for regrets.
It is so much easier to say "if only..." or "I should have.."
It's a time to decide how best to move on forward.

I may or may not have done my best.
I will learn to improve, and work on areas of concern.

Stand up....and be counted.
I do hope however, that by stepping back, I am doing the right thing.

Lessons that I have learnt...
I am not good enough...
Let someone else help them.

Taking Stock

School has ended....technically.
Term ended almost a month back, and I wonder why I don't seem to have much things done.

Let's take stock.
Maybe not...for there seems to be more things left undone rather than done.
The easiest excuse would be just to say that "really...there's so much work"...but I feel that partly the fault lies in the procrastination of a lot of things.

It really has been an eventful November.
To those who know...a time of great shock and disappointment.
It was also a time of hellos and many goodbyes.

The batch of 2010 have graduated.
I think it was a simple, but meaning night..."Sparkles and Jewels".  It marked the last time I would be organising this event. It's part relief...someone else will take over, and maybe breath some life into it.  It's tough when the thing is supposed to be self-funding.  But I will miss doing it for the kids ( I wonder if they appreciate this though)

I said goodbye to a few colleagues and good friends.  Their presence will be sorely missed.  Rab has always been a rock...rarely unflustered, and keeping a clear mind of things. I really enjoyed working with her.  Keng Wee...what can I say? I hope that he takes a good break. 


Why is it that people only appreciate what others have done when they are no longer around?

Me?
I have not been courageous.  I wanted out..but only got perhaps 2 toes out.
I will still do the main job, but to pull out completely is not possible.
Perhaps, one more year. We shall see.

My own children...they have grown.
The little one is on his way to sec school. I am proud of you, Akmal.
The girl...wow...she is facing a major exam next year.
And the eldest...NS soon.
It's like a new chapter in my life.

Dear God,
Thank you for all your blessings.
Thank you for looking out for my family and loved ones
Thank you for showing me the way.
I still need guidance and your Nur.
Do not forsake me.
Ameen.