The Pandora's Box is Finally Opened

Pandora's Box

I think I saw it coming...
First they slowly introduced articles about people who moonlight as dancers at bars. The media took pains to highlight that these people had respectable day jobs...one of which happen to be teaching. And today...the issue of how a teacher has to keep her blog 'clean' was surfaced. I am sure that this is not the last we will hear of this debate. (yes...I will not talk about you-know-who's blog)

It's tough.
I know that we are now using the blogs as a medium of teaching...in fact we are encouraged to do so. But I supposed, we have to be mindful of how we use it.

It's not easy to separate the private and public life. I choose to write about personal things...because the intention is encourage the use of the personal voice in writing as a means of engaging the readers.

Have I crossed the line? I hope not.
Will I be taken to task for voicing my opinions? I hope not.
I love writing...it's a means of self-expression...it's a means of release.
Have I done anything that would hurt the image of the fratenity I belong to? I really hope not too.

But if I have to, I suppose then I will have to stop writing. That will be something very sad for the many other educators I know who own very interesting and thought-provoking blogs.
We'll see how the debate will pick up then...


On a 'sad note'...
My phone has decided to die ..and along with it, many valuable data that I unwittingly stored in it...and I never thought I would ever say that I would be crippled without it.

P/S: Can anyone recommend me a hp? a really pretty idiot-proof one?

New Challenge

The New Challenge

I got a new challenge...but first I must explain that it is nothing like the message that came through my handphone. This one is genuine, and I must say, more thought-provoking.

We had attended a workshop (ya...sob..sob...I still can't go shopping in the afternoons), and there were deep questions we had to answer. One of my friends turned to me and said this..."If you are a pragmatic dreamer...then how will you ever fly? You need to get rid of the chains that bind you to the ground."

Ah...we are back to the oxymoron again...that some cannot fathom. While there is truth in what he says (sadly), I understand where he is coming from. This is the free-spirited person, who is bold enough to keep on trying to push his ideas not matter how many times he gets shot down. But I do worry for him, for its takes a lot out of him to keep his beliefs and passion going. If his wings keep on getting clipped, he'll forget to fly altogher.

While everyone dreams of utopia, it will take a lot more convincing to believe that the ideal state can exist. But like I say,...we can try to be masters of our destiny is we are able to take responsibility of the choices we make.


On a different note....I do realise that there can be things that I cannot control.
My cell...no....make that my 'siao' phone is really out to get me.
Is there anyone out there who can please explain why I get I get the inverted image on my screen? Today, the only way, I can read my messages on my phone is to use a mirror!!! It has also decided to censor and screen who I can receive and send messages to...Oh..oh...I better do backup...it may just decide to obliterate all my stored numbers! If there is anyone out there, whose handphone has a life of its own...do share with me...so that I know I am not alive.


Prayer for Today:
Dear God, I survived the afternoon. I have learnt that sometimes being 'different' can be a really lonely experience. I have come to terms with the decision I have made, and find a meaning for it. Today, I want you to bless a few people who have given me the strength I need. I know my plans will shock some, but please help them understand the reasons why I choose the road I am to take. - Ameen

Phobic-Moi?

Phobic - Moi?
(Look who's talking)

This is a re-hash of something I wrote quite some time back, and yes,...the whole intention is to get some of you scrambling for your dictionaries (or...to quote Evi, "I will open another window and use the on-line dictionary.") But more importantly, it is for me to examine myself and find the root causes of all the innate quirky characteristics I display.

StrengthsQuest results show that my #1 Top Talent is Input...which I chosen to connect with the idea of why I have such a 'karung guni' mentality. I hoard information...It seems as though I get a kick of simply reading things for the fun of it.

So here I am today, unwinding as I surf through the tonnes of information especially those quack sites whose credibility is suspect, I can to this conclusion...I am predictably unpredictable (somehow the sad paradox is very fitting)

It is an open secret that I am claustrophobic. Every nerve ending tingles, and the hair on my skin stand on ends if my private space is invaded. It's not funny to be giddy with fear. I can't even apologise for being irrational and unnervy. My genetic makeup is such that I detect auras.

Woe betide me who , as a result of being paranoid in crowded spaces, end up being acrophobic and ochophobic....so not even for a million dollars will I be caught dead on a capsule of the Singapore Flyer...No..No..No...though, I am proud to admit that I did summon enough courage to walk the transparent glass floor at Auckland Tower.(albeit shaking and quaking for 30 minutes before I semi-crawled around)

I am a poor traveller...how I envy those who can knock off to sleep in buses, trains, ships and planes...as long as I am in a moving vehicle...my senses work overtime! On planes, I succumb to aerophobia...so do you know how freaky it is when you get a double dose of phobias working against you at the same time? So long distance travel is not a good idea.

But...here are a lists of things which I am I can safely say I will not break out in cold sweat over. I am not
a) sesquipedalophobobic
b) bibliophobic
c)logophobic
d)phronemophobic

What about you?

Prayer for the Day
Dear God, thank you for helping me understand my flaws and shortcomings, for I know that I will have to work continuously to become better. Thank you for my strengths, and blessing me with certain pecularities that make me ME!.

When Techno Bugs Me

When Technology Bugs Me
(Whines of the Technosaurus Rex)

Ok...Ok...
I have secretly vowed never to allow the new-fangled technological stuff become my bugbear. There were many times when I really thought that some of these mechanical monsters available now are the bane of my life. Well, what happened over the long weekend only confirmed my views.

Sshhhh....("they" are out to get me! I swear that "they' have a life of their own, and one of their missions in this world is to annihilate my fraying sanity!)

It all started on Friday when my "once-oh-so-pretty" handphone decided to play games with me. I have been toying with the idea of purchasing something more idiot-proof. I mean, what is the point of having a touch screen phone with so many functions when all I do with it is to make that basic phone call? It's my kids who have been able to fully utilise the applications, and once they dabble and change certain settings, I realise that I have to look at the wallpaper many times to ensure that I had MY PHONE...and not swiped something that belonged to someone else.

Anyway, I said aloud..."It's time to look for another "pretty' phone" (see...my criteria for the specifications is simple right?). Mind you, from then onwards, my current hp decided on its diva-sh act. It cuts me off in mid-conversations, and refuses to send my messages. It's call button refuses to be activated...and darn it, as it is a touch screen...how am I supposed to make calls? And of course, with a flourish, the screen disappeared!

I forgot to say that ...I will only change to a new phone when I can afford a new one! sob...sob...so I must somehow learn to co-exist peacefully with this one which apparently is exacting revenge for hurting 'her ego'.

Problem #2 came in the form of the spoilt modem. Huh? I do not think anyone touches that blinking thingy...so how in the world did this happen?

Initially, I was rah-rahing away at the fact that I can legitimately claim that I had no access to my e-mails, and cannot do the work. But...but...then it struck me! Oh no!...Like the poor little fly lured to the intricate beauty of the spider's web, I have fallen prey! No internet connection means...no on-line shopping, no on-line reading...and hey! I cannot write in my blog!

The children felt the pain first...suddenly not being to multi-task...and mourning over the loss of a lifeline with their friends. (But they were smart...they managed to get the laptops connected to the public wi-fi.) Really...it's scary to think how our lives have changed...how our beings have have sucked into the virtual world, very much like that experience of the Dementors in Harry Potter pulling away the life force of those who are not strong.

However, I survived...(and am still surviving). I got through the weekend in one piece...by going back to the mundance things I do (re:- wash, cook & clean). I also had interesting company - a 'motley crew" of people who were preparing to go for war.Those are the basic things that make life meaningful.

(Shh...I now make it a point to 'sayang' the electrical stuff at home. I mean, can I afford the thought of all of them ganging up on me ala "Electric Dreams"? Shudder....)

Euthanasia

Euthanasia
(The Ethical Debate)

Over the past two weeks, our Health Minister,Mr Khaw Boon Wan raised the issue of the possibility of euthanasia being legalised in Singapore. Why am I not surprised by this?

We are such a rational, pragmatic society, that even now, the issue of death (or helping one to die)is surfaced in parliament. Well, this is a nation which wants more babies but ironically, with its pro-abortion laws, has one of the highest legal pregnancy termination rate. We have long accepted the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA), and the need to have at doctors to certify someone who is brain dead as legally dead, or even the AMD (Advanced Medical Directive)....Now, will we soon allow doctor-assisted suicides?

But this is what I personally find more morbid.
What about ethics and religion?

I know that countries which have allowed enthanasia call it "mercy-killing". It's supposed to allow the terminally-ill, a quick and dignified end before the illnesses take their toll, and to cut short the suffering. The closest we have come is the AMD, but that too, is something that most Singaporeans are not comfortable with it.

Are we ready to discuss this? I don't know.
For me, humans should not play God.

Fatamorgana

Fatamorgana
(Is it time to wake up?)

Isn't it strange how life throws you a curveball each time when you think that things are on the upswing? I know that most of my entries lately have been about upbeat things, about the need to look on the bright side, and rah-rah of the need to move on.

I was quite surprised by the number of people who read the my blog. (er...would it help if I ask those who do just to tag me so that I know who reads? It will save me from 'violent suprises'). Anyway, one reader, who obviously know me, decided to drop me this sms.
"You are so naive. You think people would believe you? Life "*****". You "*****". Get real!"

Whoa! That was a low blow.
Of course the first reaction would be to call back immediately the unknown number that was left on the phone. I hesitated. What if the person decides to unload more colourful opinions on me? Cowardly, I let it be. After all, when one writes one's thoughts in such a public domain, one becomes fair game to such comments.

It hurts. (to exaggerate...I would say that it felt like I was mortally wounded). Ironically, it also serves as a reality check. I mulled over the message.

Fata morgana:...the mirage, the illusions, the pipe dream...the castles in the air.
Really? Is that the kinds of message that I have been sending across? Have I been so delusional as to spend my whole time chasing rainbows and leprechauns? Am I really an airy-fairy fluff?

No...
That is not my stand.
I have always believed in the power of a strong, focused dream ... the desire to achieve something that will propel us forward. I remember how I must put my feet on the ground, while looking up to the stars.

There will always be the cynics, the die-hard realists, the ones who simply refuse to have the belief that there is still good in the world. I cannot change them. I will not even try.

Let me be the pragmatic dreamer. I take on the serious responsibilities of my life, and sustain it with the dreams I have in my heart and head. I survive.

I am at peace.

Be Strong, Be Resolute

Be Strong, Be Resolute,
(for you out there)

The message I received was short, but poignant.
"I'm afraid."
There had been a flurry of sms-es I yesterday evening. It was as if after the paper was over, the after-effects had left a large dent in many self-confidence. My heart goes to them...whose nerves got the better of them.

But this child...
The fears had curled up into such a tight knot, that it became suffocating...and paralysing.
This child, is genuinely devastated.

Then came another surprise.
"Did I make you sad?"
Huh?...why did this child feel that way? Why worry about me?

Dear child,
You will only make me sad, if I had not seen any effort on your part..if you had switched off when it really matters, or if you had been apathetic or lazy. But you are not...

Do not be afraid. You must go on.
There are no guarantees, there is no assurances.
But you must never see yourself as a failure.
In my eyes, with your character,
You are already a winner!

Go on...carry on...and do your best.
I believe...I believe...I believe...