10 Principles of Raising Children of Character

Raising Children of Character
(Text-type: Exposition - a personal reflection)

One of the teachers went for a talk by Prof Thomas Lickona recently who focused on how we need to raise children who are deeply anchored in values so that they will be able to remain steady in the face of the uncertainties that the future world holds.

There are 10 principles which he proposed that parents abide by when they bring up their children.

1. Make Character Development a High Priority

We need to talk about it with the children. Often parents fall into the habit of 'scolding' children for doing things that are 'wrong', but fall short of explaining why such actions are wrong.

A child learns in many ways...and young children need very good role models. I think if a parent expects the school to be the place where learning takes place, then many opportunites would be lost.

Communicate with the child...not just instruct, tell, speak, command or yell. Listen and reach out to understand, and be understood.

What are the some good character traits?

a) Wisdom - to be clever and intelligent are not enough. Children' moral compass must be set to know the difference between right from wrong, and later in life, to know how to balance the different virtures when the situation calls for it. A child has to understand and feel, so that his rational thoughts will be tempered by his heart.

b) Justice - we tend to see justice as standing up for what is right and fair. But it is really something deeper than that. Everyone has rights too, so an individual's right may be overwhelmed by the need to respect the rights of all people. It comes together with things like basic courtesy (if you see children treating their maids like 'slaves', I think it is fair to assume they they are emulating their parents), and honesty.

c) Fortitude - are our children resilient ? We need them to have an inner strength to do what's right when it is tough doing so. They will have many moral dilemmas in a world that stives on competition, self-centredness and instant gratification. We have to prepare them to be courageous and persevering in the face of adversitites. Yes, children are precious, but we do not need to molly-coddle them till they become morally-disabled. Let them be tough, let them experience failures and difficults, so that they will be able to overcome on their own, and move on.

d)Self-control - In my line of work, I see more and more kids who struggle with putting their feelings on a tight rein, especially anger. Most are 'self-centred', putting their needs first before others...if they want something, they must get it first. Lessons in self-control wil help them exercise moderation, and deal with that need of instant gratification.

e) Love - it seems strange right? Parents usually love their children so much that they give, give, and keep on giving. But isn't love beyond that? A child must see that love is both giving and receiving. Love can sometimes mean sacrifices, committment to something or someone, and most of all, that love is forgiving. Yes, I think I do have to remind myself too that sometimes, when we love, we have to 'be cruel to be kind.'

Well that's a mouthful for today.
I have got 5 more good character traits to talk about

But to Zafran, Zarifah & Zakwan (plus all my other 'kids')...
I may not be the perfect parent, but I am learning.
I hope you will understand why I do the things I do.
My 'time' is already full of challenges, but thankfully, I have my anchors.
I am helping you develop yours too.

Love,
Mama