Life...

No, I did not stop writing. There are far too many entries saved as draft to support that conclusion.
Since jotting down my random thoughts can be highly personal, I was afraid what the recent outpourings would reveal.  There are some things which are fresh, and raw...and I think sometimes, I need to take cover.

The first 6 months have been eventful.
When things happen, it is always good to be able to take one step back and reflect; instead of simply reacting to the situation. I think I am able to see the bigger picture, from consequences of past actions, to personal choices made, and of many things done and not done. Of opportunities not taken, of why things that I think I have planned will end up thwarted.

I have received one too many 'wake-up' calls.
God has given me many blessings; some of which come so naturally that I take things for granted. Life is one of them.  It's true you know...when people say that you don't really know the good things you have, until you lose them.

When Iffah feel ill, there were so many unanswered questions.
It is easy to be consumed by feelings of guilt and remorse; over my own shortcomings as a mother.  What have I done wrong? Have I been selfish in the pursuit of my own goals?
And when some of the deeper reasons were surfaced, the dilemma continues...Have I, in trying to protect my child from the harsh realities of the world, make her emotionally vulnerable when it comes to the crunch?
How much do I know of my own children?

This holiday too...well, it seems that holiday has become an elusive idea...that exists in the recesses of my heart and mind. I know...my responsibilities must not be taken lightly.  But I have reached a point when self-denial and escapism become the modus operandi of my daily existence. I have forced myself to focus on work...getting things done, yet I am put off by the things I once used to love. 

I have told myself countless times that I need to get my priorities right.
Yes...but do you know how much courage it takes to really get down to doing that?
The decisions have someone been put aside, because of circumstances and what nots....deep down, I know that they are mere excuses.

One reminder came over the weekend...
A dear cousin, someone I have grown up with, is gravely ill.
There...a logical person can triangulate the signs and signals.
The C markers....do run in the family genes....especially the females.

But instead of doing something about it, why do we seem to sweep this obvious reality aside?
What makes us run away in self-denial...and trying to put off things we which can do now, that would probably save our lives.
I've had my fair share of scares in the past...surgery is not an option that I want...
So is that why I throw myself into the job...(and allow it to consume me)...so that I can forget about another bigger issue?

Life is precious...life is fragile...life...is the grace of God that allows us to live for another day.
Choose to live...
Choose right...
Act now.