Call it the generation gap, or whatever, but I think we all agree that at one point of our lives, parents and teenagers seem to be talking to each other in very different languages.
Here are the (mis)perception of Teenagers of their parents.(the comments in italics are completely my perspective as a harried parent)
1. My parents do not want me to have any fun.
sigh...no matter how fuddy-duddy and strait-laced we are, we prefer RISK-FREE fun. I think I could enjoy the things that you enjoy too...but remember, I carried you for nine months...so please spare me the heart attacks ok. God gave you a body without blemishes...so no need to embellish with the latest body-piercings in any place puhlez....
2. My parents only care about what I do for them.
Hello...responsibility is not a dirty word,ok? You are getting older, smarter (and sassier). So for the last time...clean up your room...and remember, the laundry basket is there for a purpose. I do not want to find fermented underclothings under the bed.
3. My parents have no idea of what it is like to be a teenager.
Is it really so hard to believe that we were really young once? To want to be part of the 'in' crowd, and to be cool and hip? To experience crushes and angst? Really, ...been there, done that..and that is why we want to protect you from some of the heartaches. By the way, who was the wise-guy who reminded me "Mama...er..can you please act your age...when I decided to have a nostalgic jam & hop session at home?"
4. My parents control my life.
Hmmm...the only control I have is maybe the remote to the TV. But I think I have put enough sense in you to understand that you will soon make the important decisions that will guide your life. Why do you think I keep throwing back your questions to you. "Mama,what time must I be home tonight?"...My standard reply will always be..."Tell me what time I should be expecting you home..."
5. My parents do not want me to grow up.
Hehehe...remember this...no matter how old you are, you are still my baby!!! Your age justifies the white hair I have on my head, but do realise that if you act according to your age, I will reciprocate in return. Yes, no are no longer a little child, but as long as you are under 21, I am responsible for you...call it 'tough love' if you want. (plus...why are you all still in my bedroom on weekends?)
6. My parents will never change.
For this, I will always look into the mirror and sigh at the wrinkles and crow's feet, and the stretch marks and....I think I have changed as much as you have changed. We grow up together, and you have shaped my life as much as I have shaped yours. Perhaps, what will never change are my values, and the fact that I love you so, so, so very much, and will always want the best for you.
7. My parents never forget my screw-ups.
Sweetheart, we all screw-up, most of the time. I admit, the alarm bell rings each time you make a boo-boo...for I think, as a parent, I tend to react first, and rationalise later....or maybe, I see so much of me in you that I don't want you to make the mistakes that I did. You know that for every action, there is a consequence...and that it takes a real man/woman to stand up and admit his folly. Learn from mistakes (and puhlez...just make sure you don't keep repeating the same one)
8. My parents do not respect my opinions.
If the conversation consists of 'whatever'...'this sucks'..then of course you know you had it coming. Hehehe...please remember...I always teach the kids in school the importance of OEEC. Each opinion must be explained,elaborated and then justified with evidence and examples. So I should be hearing things like, "Mama...I do not like the new shirt you got me (O). The colour and style do not suit me (E). The last time I wore something like this, was way back in kindergarten (E)...But thank you for being so considerate and loving , and supplying my wardrobe all these years. (C).Hehehehe...
9. My parents think they know everything.
I really believe that wisdom comes from age and experience. But you know me better, right? What I don't know...I will definitely find out (yayaya...Mama can out-google you anytime). But honestly, I do not have the answers all the time, and sometimes, it is hard for me to admit it is so. I will admit that you are right, as long as your sense of respect is not replaced by a profound glee of one-upmanship.
10. My parents...love me?!!
Ok...ok...I admit that most parents do not say this enough, and perhaps their actions are not enough to convince the teenager of this love. Answer me this...why do most teens cringe when their parents hug them openly? But to my 3 loves...you know what each and every one of you mean to me...and that when I scold you, I am chiding the action done, and it does not mean that I love you any less. Love does not translate also to the kinds of gifts you get...for I need not show my affection in that way.
Actually, there is a real cause of worry if these 'myths' are actually realities that is played out in the lives of many young people today. And because of the lack of open communication, support, respect and love, the gulf between teens and parents will always be there.
To Zaf, Iffah & Akmal, (and all my many, many other kids)I pray that I am there when you are in trouble
I pray that I am able to pick you up when your life is in shambles.
I am there to share your laughter and your tears...to make things right when they go wrong...so that you will grow bright and strong.
To all the teens out there, please believe that your parents do, and always will, love you. It is just that sometimes, they forget...
Don't let the myths mislead you...
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