Pandora's Box
I think I saw it coming...
First they slowly introduced articles about people who moonlight as dancers at bars. The media took pains to highlight that these people had respectable day jobs...one of which happen to be teaching. And today...the issue of how a teacher has to keep her blog 'clean' was surfaced. I am sure that this is not the last we will hear of this debate. (yes...I will not talk about you-know-who's blog)
It's tough.
I know that we are now using the blogs as a medium of teaching...in fact we are encouraged to do so. But I supposed, we have to be mindful of how we use it.
It's not easy to separate the private and public life. I choose to write about personal things...because the intention is encourage the use of the personal voice in writing as a means of engaging the readers.
Have I crossed the line? I hope not.
Will I be taken to task for voicing my opinions? I hope not.
I love writing...it's a means of self-expression...it's a means of release.
Have I done anything that would hurt the image of the fratenity I belong to? I really hope not too.
But if I have to, I suppose then I will have to stop writing. That will be something very sad for the many other educators I know who own very interesting and thought-provoking blogs.
We'll see how the debate will pick up then...
On a 'sad note'...
My phone has decided to die ..and along with it, many valuable data that I unwittingly stored in it...and I never thought I would ever say that I would be crippled without it.
P/S: Can anyone recommend me a hp? a really pretty idiot-proof one?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
New Challenge
The New Challenge
I got a new challenge...but first I must explain that it is nothing like the message that came through my handphone. This one is genuine, and I must say, more thought-provoking.
We had attended a workshop (ya...sob..sob...I still can't go shopping in the afternoons), and there were deep questions we had to answer. One of my friends turned to me and said this..."If you are a pragmatic dreamer...then how will you ever fly? You need to get rid of the chains that bind you to the ground."
Ah...we are back to the oxymoron again...that some cannot fathom. While there is truth in what he says (sadly), I understand where he is coming from. This is the free-spirited person, who is bold enough to keep on trying to push his ideas not matter how many times he gets shot down. But I do worry for him, for its takes a lot out of him to keep his beliefs and passion going. If his wings keep on getting clipped, he'll forget to fly altogher.
While everyone dreams of utopia, it will take a lot more convincing to believe that the ideal state can exist. But like I say,...we can try to be masters of our destiny is we are able to take responsibility of the choices we make.
On a different note....I do realise that there can be things that I cannot control.
My cell...no....make that my 'siao' phone is really out to get me.
Is there anyone out there who can please explain why I get I get the inverted image on my screen? Today, the only way, I can read my messages on my phone is to use a mirror!!! It has also decided to censor and screen who I can receive and send messages to...Oh..oh...I better do backup...it may just decide to obliterate all my stored numbers! If there is anyone out there, whose handphone has a life of its own...do share with me...so that I know I am not alive.
Prayer for Today:
Dear God, I survived the afternoon. I have learnt that sometimes being 'different' can be a really lonely experience. I have come to terms with the decision I have made, and find a meaning for it. Today, I want you to bless a few people who have given me the strength I need. I know my plans will shock some, but please help them understand the reasons why I choose the road I am to take. - Ameen
I got a new challenge...but first I must explain that it is nothing like the message that came through my handphone. This one is genuine, and I must say, more thought-provoking.
We had attended a workshop (ya...sob..sob...I still can't go shopping in the afternoons), and there were deep questions we had to answer. One of my friends turned to me and said this..."If you are a pragmatic dreamer...then how will you ever fly? You need to get rid of the chains that bind you to the ground."
Ah...we are back to the oxymoron again...that some cannot fathom. While there is truth in what he says (sadly), I understand where he is coming from. This is the free-spirited person, who is bold enough to keep on trying to push his ideas not matter how many times he gets shot down. But I do worry for him, for its takes a lot out of him to keep his beliefs and passion going. If his wings keep on getting clipped, he'll forget to fly altogher.
While everyone dreams of utopia, it will take a lot more convincing to believe that the ideal state can exist. But like I say,...we can try to be masters of our destiny is we are able to take responsibility of the choices we make.
On a different note....I do realise that there can be things that I cannot control.
My cell...no....make that my 'siao' phone is really out to get me.
Is there anyone out there who can please explain why I get I get the inverted image on my screen? Today, the only way, I can read my messages on my phone is to use a mirror!!! It has also decided to censor and screen who I can receive and send messages to...Oh..oh...I better do backup...it may just decide to obliterate all my stored numbers! If there is anyone out there, whose handphone has a life of its own...do share with me...so that I know I am not alive.
Prayer for Today:
Dear God, I survived the afternoon. I have learnt that sometimes being 'different' can be a really lonely experience. I have come to terms with the decision I have made, and find a meaning for it. Today, I want you to bless a few people who have given me the strength I need. I know my plans will shock some, but please help them understand the reasons why I choose the road I am to take. - Ameen
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Phobic-Moi?
Phobic - Moi?
(Look who's talking)
This is a re-hash of something I wrote quite some time back, and yes,...the whole intention is to get some of you scrambling for your dictionaries (or...to quote Evi, "I will open another window and use the on-line dictionary.") But more importantly, it is for me to examine myself and find the root causes of all the innate quirky characteristics I display.
StrengthsQuest results show that my #1 Top Talent is Input...which I chosen to connect with the idea of why I have such a 'karung guni' mentality. I hoard information...It seems as though I get a kick of simply reading things for the fun of it.
So here I am today, unwinding as I surf through the tonnes of information especially those quack sites whose credibility is suspect, I can to this conclusion...I am predictably unpredictable (somehow the sad paradox is very fitting)
It is an open secret that I am claustrophobic. Every nerve ending tingles, and the hair on my skin stand on ends if my private space is invaded. It's not funny to be giddy with fear. I can't even apologise for being irrational and unnervy. My genetic makeup is such that I detect auras.
Woe betide me who , as a result of being paranoid in crowded spaces, end up being acrophobic and ochophobic....so not even for a million dollars will I be caught dead on a capsule of the Singapore Flyer...No..No..No...though, I am proud to admit that I did summon enough courage to walk the transparent glass floor at Auckland Tower.(albeit shaking and quaking for 30 minutes before I semi-crawled around)
I am a poor traveller...how I envy those who can knock off to sleep in buses, trains, ships and planes...as long as I am in a moving vehicle...my senses work overtime! On planes, I succumb to aerophobia...so do you know how freaky it is when you get a double dose of phobias working against you at the same time? So long distance travel is not a good idea.
But...here are a lists of things which I am I can safely say I will not break out in cold sweat over. I am not
a) sesquipedalophobobic
b) bibliophobic
c)logophobic
d)phronemophobic
What about you?
Prayer for the Day
Dear God, thank you for helping me understand my flaws and shortcomings, for I know that I will have to work continuously to become better. Thank you for my strengths, and blessing me with certain pecularities that make me ME!.
(Look who's talking)
This is a re-hash of something I wrote quite some time back, and yes,...the whole intention is to get some of you scrambling for your dictionaries (or...to quote Evi, "I will open another window and use the on-line dictionary.") But more importantly, it is for me to examine myself and find the root causes of all the innate quirky characteristics I display.
StrengthsQuest results show that my #1 Top Talent is Input...which I chosen to connect with the idea of why I have such a 'karung guni' mentality. I hoard information...It seems as though I get a kick of simply reading things for the fun of it.
So here I am today, unwinding as I surf through the tonnes of information especially those quack sites whose credibility is suspect, I can to this conclusion...I am predictably unpredictable (somehow the sad paradox is very fitting)
It is an open secret that I am claustrophobic. Every nerve ending tingles, and the hair on my skin stand on ends if my private space is invaded. It's not funny to be giddy with fear. I can't even apologise for being irrational and unnervy. My genetic makeup is such that I detect auras.
Woe betide me who , as a result of being paranoid in crowded spaces, end up being acrophobic and ochophobic....so not even for a million dollars will I be caught dead on a capsule of the Singapore Flyer...No..No..No...though, I am proud to admit that I did summon enough courage to walk the transparent glass floor at Auckland Tower.(albeit shaking and quaking for 30 minutes before I semi-crawled around)
I am a poor traveller...how I envy those who can knock off to sleep in buses, trains, ships and planes...as long as I am in a moving vehicle...my senses work overtime! On planes, I succumb to aerophobia...so do you know how freaky it is when you get a double dose of phobias working against you at the same time? So long distance travel is not a good idea.
But...here are a lists of things which I am I can safely say I will not break out in cold sweat over. I am not
a) sesquipedalophobobic
b) bibliophobic
c)logophobic
d)phronemophobic
What about you?
Prayer for the Day
Dear God, thank you for helping me understand my flaws and shortcomings, for I know that I will have to work continuously to become better. Thank you for my strengths, and blessing me with certain pecularities that make me ME!.
Monday, October 27, 2008
When Techno Bugs Me
When Technology Bugs Me
(Whines of the Technosaurus Rex)
Ok...Ok...
I have secretly vowed never to allow the new-fangled technological stuff become my bugbear. There were many times when I really thought that some of these mechanical monsters available now are the bane of my life. Well, what happened over the long weekend only confirmed my views.
Sshhhh....("they" are out to get me! I swear that "they' have a life of their own, and one of their missions in this world is to annihilate my fraying sanity!)
It all started on Friday when my "once-oh-so-pretty" handphone decided to play games with me. I have been toying with the idea of purchasing something more idiot-proof. I mean, what is the point of having a touch screen phone with so many functions when all I do with it is to make that basic phone call? It's my kids who have been able to fully utilise the applications, and once they dabble and change certain settings, I realise that I have to look at the wallpaper many times to ensure that I had MY PHONE...and not swiped something that belonged to someone else.
Anyway, I said aloud..."It's time to look for another "pretty' phone" (see...my criteria for the specifications is simple right?). Mind you, from then onwards, my current hp decided on its diva-sh act. It cuts me off in mid-conversations, and refuses to send my messages. It's call button refuses to be activated...and darn it, as it is a touch screen...how am I supposed to make calls? And of course, with a flourish, the screen disappeared!
I forgot to say that ...I will only change to a new phone when I can afford a new one! sob...sob...so I must somehow learn to co-exist peacefully with this one which apparently is exacting revenge for hurting 'her ego'.
Problem #2 came in the form of the spoilt modem. Huh? I do not think anyone touches that blinking thingy...so how in the world did this happen?
Initially, I was rah-rahing away at the fact that I can legitimately claim that I had no access to my e-mails, and cannot do the work. But...but...then it struck me! Oh no!...Like the poor little fly lured to the intricate beauty of the spider's web, I have fallen prey! No internet connection means...no on-line shopping, no on-line reading...and hey! I cannot write in my blog!
The children felt the pain first...suddenly not being to multi-task...and mourning over the loss of a lifeline with their friends. (But they were smart...they managed to get the laptops connected to the public wi-fi.) Really...it's scary to think how our lives have changed...how our beings have have sucked into the virtual world, very much like that experience of the Dementors in Harry Potter pulling away the life force of those who are not strong.
However, I survived...(and am still surviving). I got through the weekend in one piece...by going back to the mundance things I do (re:- wash, cook & clean). I also had interesting company - a 'motley crew" of people who were preparing to go for war.Those are the basic things that make life meaningful.
(Shh...I now make it a point to 'sayang' the electrical stuff at home. I mean, can I afford the thought of all of them ganging up on me ala "Electric Dreams"? Shudder....)
(Whines of the Technosaurus Rex)
Ok...Ok...
I have secretly vowed never to allow the new-fangled technological stuff become my bugbear. There were many times when I really thought that some of these mechanical monsters available now are the bane of my life. Well, what happened over the long weekend only confirmed my views.
Sshhhh....("they" are out to get me! I swear that "they' have a life of their own, and one of their missions in this world is to annihilate my fraying sanity!)
It all started on Friday when my "once-oh-so-pretty" handphone decided to play games with me. I have been toying with the idea of purchasing something more idiot-proof. I mean, what is the point of having a touch screen phone with so many functions when all I do with it is to make that basic phone call? It's my kids who have been able to fully utilise the applications, and once they dabble and change certain settings, I realise that I have to look at the wallpaper many times to ensure that I had MY PHONE...and not swiped something that belonged to someone else.
Anyway, I said aloud..."It's time to look for another "pretty' phone" (see...my criteria for the specifications is simple right?). Mind you, from then onwards, my current hp decided on its diva-sh act. It cuts me off in mid-conversations, and refuses to send my messages. It's call button refuses to be activated...and darn it, as it is a touch screen...how am I supposed to make calls? And of course, with a flourish, the screen disappeared!
I forgot to say that ...I will only change to a new phone when I can afford a new one! sob...sob...so I must somehow learn to co-exist peacefully with this one which apparently is exacting revenge for hurting 'her ego'.
Problem #2 came in the form of the spoilt modem. Huh? I do not think anyone touches that blinking thingy...so how in the world did this happen?
Initially, I was rah-rahing away at the fact that I can legitimately claim that I had no access to my e-mails, and cannot do the work. But...but...then it struck me! Oh no!...Like the poor little fly lured to the intricate beauty of the spider's web, I have fallen prey! No internet connection means...no on-line shopping, no on-line reading...and hey! I cannot write in my blog!
The children felt the pain first...suddenly not being to multi-task...and mourning over the loss of a lifeline with their friends. (But they were smart...they managed to get the laptops connected to the public wi-fi.) Really...it's scary to think how our lives have changed...how our beings have have sucked into the virtual world, very much like that experience of the Dementors in Harry Potter pulling away the life force of those who are not strong.
However, I survived...(and am still surviving). I got through the weekend in one piece...by going back to the mundance things I do (re:- wash, cook & clean). I also had interesting company - a 'motley crew" of people who were preparing to go for war.Those are the basic things that make life meaningful.
(Shh...I now make it a point to 'sayang' the electrical stuff at home. I mean, can I afford the thought of all of them ganging up on me ala "Electric Dreams"? Shudder....)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Euthanasia
Euthanasia
(The Ethical Debate)
Over the past two weeks, our Health Minister,Mr Khaw Boon Wan raised the issue of the possibility of euthanasia being legalised in Singapore. Why am I not surprised by this?
We are such a rational, pragmatic society, that even now, the issue of death (or helping one to die)is surfaced in parliament. Well, this is a nation which wants more babies but ironically, with its pro-abortion laws, has one of the highest legal pregnancy termination rate. We have long accepted the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA), and the need to have at doctors to certify someone who is brain dead as legally dead, or even the AMD (Advanced Medical Directive)....Now, will we soon allow doctor-assisted suicides?
But this is what I personally find more morbid.
What about ethics and religion?
I know that countries which have allowed enthanasia call it "mercy-killing". It's supposed to allow the terminally-ill, a quick and dignified end before the illnesses take their toll, and to cut short the suffering. The closest we have come is the AMD, but that too, is something that most Singaporeans are not comfortable with it.
Are we ready to discuss this? I don't know.
For me, humans should not play God.
(The Ethical Debate)
Over the past two weeks, our Health Minister,Mr Khaw Boon Wan raised the issue of the possibility of euthanasia being legalised in Singapore. Why am I not surprised by this?
We are such a rational, pragmatic society, that even now, the issue of death (or helping one to die)is surfaced in parliament. Well, this is a nation which wants more babies but ironically, with its pro-abortion laws, has one of the highest legal pregnancy termination rate. We have long accepted the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA), and the need to have at doctors to certify someone who is brain dead as legally dead, or even the AMD (Advanced Medical Directive)....Now, will we soon allow doctor-assisted suicides?
But this is what I personally find more morbid.
What about ethics and religion?
I know that countries which have allowed enthanasia call it "mercy-killing". It's supposed to allow the terminally-ill, a quick and dignified end before the illnesses take their toll, and to cut short the suffering. The closest we have come is the AMD, but that too, is something that most Singaporeans are not comfortable with it.
Are we ready to discuss this? I don't know.
For me, humans should not play God.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Fatamorgana
Fatamorgana
(Is it time to wake up?)
Isn't it strange how life throws you a curveball each time when you think that things are on the upswing? I know that most of my entries lately have been about upbeat things, about the need to look on the bright side, and rah-rah of the need to move on.
I was quite surprised by the number of people who read the my blog. (er...would it help if I ask those who do just to tag me so that I know who reads? It will save me from 'violent suprises'). Anyway, one reader, who obviously know me, decided to drop me this sms.
"You are so naive. You think people would believe you? Life "*****". You "*****". Get real!"
Whoa! That was a low blow.
Of course the first reaction would be to call back immediately the unknown number that was left on the phone. I hesitated. What if the person decides to unload more colourful opinions on me? Cowardly, I let it be. After all, when one writes one's thoughts in such a public domain, one becomes fair game to such comments.
It hurts. (to exaggerate...I would say that it felt like I was mortally wounded). Ironically, it also serves as a reality check. I mulled over the message.
Fata morgana:...the mirage, the illusions, the pipe dream...the castles in the air.
Really? Is that the kinds of message that I have been sending across? Have I been so delusional as to spend my whole time chasing rainbows and leprechauns? Am I really an airy-fairy fluff?
No...
That is not my stand.
I have always believed in the power of a strong, focused dream ... the desire to achieve something that will propel us forward. I remember how I must put my feet on the ground, while looking up to the stars.
There will always be the cynics, the die-hard realists, the ones who simply refuse to have the belief that there is still good in the world. I cannot change them. I will not even try.
Let me be the pragmatic dreamer. I take on the serious responsibilities of my life, and sustain it with the dreams I have in my heart and head. I survive.
I am at peace.
(Is it time to wake up?)
Isn't it strange how life throws you a curveball each time when you think that things are on the upswing? I know that most of my entries lately have been about upbeat things, about the need to look on the bright side, and rah-rah of the need to move on.
I was quite surprised by the number of people who read the my blog. (er...would it help if I ask those who do just to tag me so that I know who reads? It will save me from 'violent suprises'). Anyway, one reader, who obviously know me, decided to drop me this sms.
"You are so naive. You think people would believe you? Life "*****". You "*****". Get real!"
Whoa! That was a low blow.
Of course the first reaction would be to call back immediately the unknown number that was left on the phone. I hesitated. What if the person decides to unload more colourful opinions on me? Cowardly, I let it be. After all, when one writes one's thoughts in such a public domain, one becomes fair game to such comments.
It hurts. (to exaggerate...I would say that it felt like I was mortally wounded). Ironically, it also serves as a reality check. I mulled over the message.
Fata morgana:...the mirage, the illusions, the pipe dream...the castles in the air.
Really? Is that the kinds of message that I have been sending across? Have I been so delusional as to spend my whole time chasing rainbows and leprechauns? Am I really an airy-fairy fluff?
No...
That is not my stand.
I have always believed in the power of a strong, focused dream ... the desire to achieve something that will propel us forward. I remember how I must put my feet on the ground, while looking up to the stars.
There will always be the cynics, the die-hard realists, the ones who simply refuse to have the belief that there is still good in the world. I cannot change them. I will not even try.
Let me be the pragmatic dreamer. I take on the serious responsibilities of my life, and sustain it with the dreams I have in my heart and head. I survive.
I am at peace.
Be Strong, Be Resolute
Be Strong, Be Resolute,
(for you out there)
The message I received was short, but poignant.
"I'm afraid."
There had been a flurry of sms-es I yesterday evening. It was as if after the paper was over, the after-effects had left a large dent in many self-confidence. My heart goes to them...whose nerves got the better of them.
But this child...
The fears had curled up into such a tight knot, that it became suffocating...and paralysing.
This child, is genuinely devastated.
Then came another surprise.
"Did I make you sad?"
Huh?...why did this child feel that way? Why worry about me?
Dear child,
You will only make me sad, if I had not seen any effort on your part..if you had switched off when it really matters, or if you had been apathetic or lazy. But you are not...
Do not be afraid. You must go on.
There are no guarantees, there is no assurances.
But you must never see yourself as a failure.
In my eyes, with your character,
You are already a winner!
Go on...carry on...and do your best.
I believe...I believe...I believe...
(for you out there)
The message I received was short, but poignant.
"I'm afraid."
There had been a flurry of sms-es I yesterday evening. It was as if after the paper was over, the after-effects had left a large dent in many self-confidence. My heart goes to them...whose nerves got the better of them.
But this child...
The fears had curled up into such a tight knot, that it became suffocating...and paralysing.
This child, is genuinely devastated.
Then came another surprise.
"Did I make you sad?"
Huh?...why did this child feel that way? Why worry about me?
Dear child,
You will only make me sad, if I had not seen any effort on your part..if you had switched off when it really matters, or if you had been apathetic or lazy. But you are not...
Do not be afraid. You must go on.
There are no guarantees, there is no assurances.
But you must never see yourself as a failure.
In my eyes, with your character,
You are already a winner!
Go on...carry on...and do your best.
I believe...I believe...I believe...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Akmal's Favourite Song
I finally found the link to Akmal's favourite song.
I want to thank Sheikh and Erwin who took the trouble to play me this song last year.
But today, I thought it is my message to someone out there who badly needs to hear these words...
I understand...
Blessings
Blessings
(Reflection)
As I write this, there is a group of individuals up there who are furiously completing the second part of their exam papers. I hope they will remain steady, so that they will be able to feel just as confident as they did earlier.
My work is nearly done...they will not need me anymore.
How far have they come?
Maybe the answer to that is to ask myself how much have I grown with them this year...
For me, I know the direction in which I am heading...and why the experience the past few months have been so much more meaningful to me..
It has been 6 years now since I held my current position. That move had brought along many changes, and sacrifices. One of the things I missed so very dearly is the rapport and bond I had with my 'babies'. What I was able to build with the kids over the years...literally with blood, sweat & tears.
I had to give up KC&Co...and though I still interact with them, I missed out on the camps, the outings...the daily nagging sessions (& who remembers the bottle of marbles as a class reward system)?
And when I went on to chase my own dream, the gulf just got wider (Maybe because I was getting older too)...but it took a long time to connect and build bridges with the young people I teach. I would have done more...but there were too many things that got in the way.
It had taken a lot out of me this year to make more adjustments.
Again, and again, I am reminded of the word "amanah" - that sense of responsibility and accountability.
Is it fair to take over from someone else? What is the justification of such a move?
Would I be able to do a good job, especially in such a short time?
Will I be able to meet the expectations?
Will I be able to prepare them fully for the challenges?
Can I shoulder the task that has been entrusted upon me?
It has been again, a leap of faith.
I think I try to do the best that I can, to make the best of the situation I am in.
And now, as I look back at my journey of the past few months, I think I ought to be grateful of all the blessings I have.
I found a purpose, I found a focus.
Though there were times when I felt like banging my head against the wall, there was something about my young charges that kept me alive; kept me challenged. For every frustration, there was hope...behind every heartbreak, there was a dream of pushing them on.
So as long as that hope and passion is kept alive, I pushed on..and on...And driven by a strong sense of belief...that there are so many gems in my hands...and all that I need to do is to cut, mould and polish. And how they sparkle and shine...
I am at the crossroad. It is as if telling me to reevaluate my next move...for the new road I am going to travel, will take me away from the things I love to do. It does look as if I am cutting away my lifeline; whatever it is that feeds, nourishes and sustains me all this while.
But...for the moment, my work is done...and I can breathe a little easier now.
...sigh...there is a little hollow feeling somehow...for I am not needed any more. Their journey with me ends here.
They have rose to the occasion...they have stood tall...and I am proud of them.
Dear God,
Thank you for Your Guidance, and Your Strength...which have given me the courage to do the things I do.Thank you for watching out for me, and filling me with a sense of purpose. I am thankful to have crossed paths with bright, interesting, and wonderful young minds, and I hope I have fulfilled the Amanah that has been placed on me. I seek your Wisdom to think through of what I want to do, for the heart and the head does not seem to agree." Ameen
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(Reflection)
As I write this, there is a group of individuals up there who are furiously completing the second part of their exam papers. I hope they will remain steady, so that they will be able to feel just as confident as they did earlier.
My work is nearly done...they will not need me anymore.
How far have they come?
Maybe the answer to that is to ask myself how much have I grown with them this year...
For me, I know the direction in which I am heading...and why the experience the past few months have been so much more meaningful to me..
It has been 6 years now since I held my current position. That move had brought along many changes, and sacrifices. One of the things I missed so very dearly is the rapport and bond I had with my 'babies'. What I was able to build with the kids over the years...literally with blood, sweat & tears.
I had to give up KC&Co...and though I still interact with them, I missed out on the camps, the outings...the daily nagging sessions (& who remembers the bottle of marbles as a class reward system)?
And when I went on to chase my own dream, the gulf just got wider (Maybe because I was getting older too)...but it took a long time to connect and build bridges with the young people I teach. I would have done more...but there were too many things that got in the way.
It had taken a lot out of me this year to make more adjustments.
Again, and again, I am reminded of the word "amanah" - that sense of responsibility and accountability.
Is it fair to take over from someone else? What is the justification of such a move?
Would I be able to do a good job, especially in such a short time?
Will I be able to meet the expectations?
Will I be able to prepare them fully for the challenges?
Can I shoulder the task that has been entrusted upon me?
It has been again, a leap of faith.
I think I try to do the best that I can, to make the best of the situation I am in.
And now, as I look back at my journey of the past few months, I think I ought to be grateful of all the blessings I have.
I found a purpose, I found a focus.
Though there were times when I felt like banging my head against the wall, there was something about my young charges that kept me alive; kept me challenged. For every frustration, there was hope...behind every heartbreak, there was a dream of pushing them on.
So as long as that hope and passion is kept alive, I pushed on..and on...And driven by a strong sense of belief...that there are so many gems in my hands...and all that I need to do is to cut, mould and polish. And how they sparkle and shine...
I am at the crossroad. It is as if telling me to reevaluate my next move...for the new road I am going to travel, will take me away from the things I love to do. It does look as if I am cutting away my lifeline; whatever it is that feeds, nourishes and sustains me all this while.
But...for the moment, my work is done...and I can breathe a little easier now.
...sigh...there is a little hollow feeling somehow...for I am not needed any more. Their journey with me ends here.
They have rose to the occasion...they have stood tall...and I am proud of them.
Dear God,
Thank you for Your Guidance, and Your Strength...which have given me the courage to do the things I do.Thank you for watching out for me, and filling me with a sense of purpose. I am thankful to have crossed paths with bright, interesting, and wonderful young minds, and I hope I have fulfilled the Amanah that has been placed on me. I seek your Wisdom to think through of what I want to do, for the heart and the head does not seem to agree." Ameen
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Day They Fly
The Day They Fly
"Hold their hands...as they learn to walk,
Let them go...so they can run,
Cheer them on...so they can fly."
So...today is THE DAY...
For many, this is the start of Waterloo.
My dear kids,
Today is the day, you do your battles...on your own.
But, it does not mean you are alone.
The are still many of us, who sit watch you from behind...in the confidence that you are ready on your own.
I want you to remember this...
You are taking the important big steps in your lives...
No one can totally protect and shield you for what is to come.
No one can fight your wars for you.
Our greatest challenge is...have we prepared you enough to ensure that you can fight, and push ahead?
Are you able to brush off the dirt and start again, should you fall?
Are you able to stand tall and proud, and say..."Yes...Yes! I have overcome."
It is never easy to stay focused and meet challenges.
Some of us are tougher; more resilent, and those who are blessed with special talents, gifts and good brains may be able to have an easier time.
But the point is, we are all different.
Yet...
Push yourself along, and never lose sight of what you want to achieve.
Always believe you are capable of giving your very best.
I am not there with you...
But I am there in spirit.
And I will watch quietly from behind...You are ready.
Prayer for today:
Dear God, my heart and my mind are with the very special people today. Of course, my main concern will be with Zafran, whom I ask that you watch over, and bless today. Keep his mind clear, and fill it with the wisdom and knowledge from your Nur.
There are also my E1 kids who have endeared themselves to me, and my hardworking dedicated lot(who were a little upset that I seemed to have forgotten to mention them the other day.) So please bless Jas,HY,Ayu, JW,YX,QQ, Melody,ZG,TH,Faizul,Shaz,DL,WD,Ros,MY,SQ,Irfan, Az,Md,Shawn,Akmal, Bryan, Mus,AK,Nad,Karen,WC...and everyone else.
Ameen
"Hold their hands...as they learn to walk,
Let them go...so they can run,
Cheer them on...so they can fly."
So...today is THE DAY...
For many, this is the start of Waterloo.
My dear kids,
Today is the day, you do your battles...on your own.
But, it does not mean you are alone.
The are still many of us, who sit watch you from behind...in the confidence that you are ready on your own.
I want you to remember this...
You are taking the important big steps in your lives...
No one can totally protect and shield you for what is to come.
No one can fight your wars for you.
Our greatest challenge is...have we prepared you enough to ensure that you can fight, and push ahead?
Are you able to brush off the dirt and start again, should you fall?
Are you able to stand tall and proud, and say..."Yes...Yes! I have overcome."
It is never easy to stay focused and meet challenges.
Some of us are tougher; more resilent, and those who are blessed with special talents, gifts and good brains may be able to have an easier time.
But the point is, we are all different.
Yet...
Push yourself along, and never lose sight of what you want to achieve.
Always believe you are capable of giving your very best.
I am not there with you...
But I am there in spirit.
And I will watch quietly from behind...You are ready.
Prayer for today:
Dear God, my heart and my mind are with the very special people today. Of course, my main concern will be with Zafran, whom I ask that you watch over, and bless today. Keep his mind clear, and fill it with the wisdom and knowledge from your Nur.
There are also my E1 kids who have endeared themselves to me, and my hardworking dedicated lot(who were a little upset that I seemed to have forgotten to mention them the other day.) So please bless Jas,HY,Ayu, JW,YX,QQ, Melody,ZG,TH,Faizul,Shaz,DL,WD,Ros,MY,SQ,Irfan, Az,Md,Shawn,Akmal, Bryan, Mus,AK,Nad,Karen,WC...and everyone else.
Ameen
Friday, October 17, 2008
Rainbow Connection
"Someday, we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers & ME!"
We all can do with a lot more hope and love in the world...
Prayer for Today:
O God, the Benevolent and Merciful,
While the weight on my shoulders are cumbersome, I am grateful that today, my heart, and my mind are light. Help me in my journey of discovery, and remind me daily of the blessings that I am grateful for. Ameen
The Ultimate Dreamer
The Ultimate Dreamer
Red and yellow and pink and green,
Purple and orange and blue,
I can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow too!
Listen to your heart,
Listen to your heart,
And sing everything you feel,
I can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow too
- Arthur Hamilton -
How many of you remember this rhyme?
I use to sing this as a child...before I moved on to trying to remove the lyrics of the colours on Joseph's Tecnicoloured coat.
"It was red and yellow and green and brown,
And scarlet and black and ochre and peach,
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn,
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve,
And cream and crimson and silver and rose,
And azure and lemon and russet and grey,
And purple and white and pink
and orange and BLUE!!"
You must be wondering why I am preoccupied with colours today...cos someone ( who nowadays exchanges verbal wit with me) tells me that perhaps.."There are more than 7 colours in your rainbow". Lets see, in school, I was taught the mnemonic Richard of Your Great Battle in Vain...red, orange , yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.
Are there more than 7 colours in that myriad?
Of course there are...
For me, a rainbow, is not just a rainbow...
or that the most beautiful creature in the world is a unicorn....or even Pegasus...
I have learned to temper Dr Jekyll, with Mr Hyde.
I have to allow the Popular Sanguine coexist with the Perfect Melancholy.
I do not allow the klutzy tone deaf person take away the graceful ballerina in my mind...
These past few days...I focused on dreams...and intentions.
I cannot afford to lose my sense of wonder...for time, and time again, it allows me to return to the very recesses of my brain...and let go.
We need to have faith...we need to believe.
We need to have something that will allow is to really buffer us against some of the harshness we see around us.
So as I dance in my dreams...I will chase my rainbows...They keep me sane.
I dream in colour...do you?
Red and yellow and pink and green,
Purple and orange and blue,
I can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow too!
Listen to your heart,
Listen to your heart,
And sing everything you feel,
I can sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow too
- Arthur Hamilton -
How many of you remember this rhyme?
I use to sing this as a child...before I moved on to trying to remove the lyrics of the colours on Joseph's Tecnicoloured coat.
"It was red and yellow and green and brown,
And scarlet and black and ochre and peach,
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn,
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve,
And cream and crimson and silver and rose,
And azure and lemon and russet and grey,
And purple and white and pink
and orange and BLUE!!"
You must be wondering why I am preoccupied with colours today...cos someone ( who nowadays exchanges verbal wit with me) tells me that perhaps.."There are more than 7 colours in your rainbow". Lets see, in school, I was taught the mnemonic Richard of Your Great Battle in Vain...red, orange , yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.
Are there more than 7 colours in that myriad?
Of course there are...
For me, a rainbow, is not just a rainbow...
or that the most beautiful creature in the world is a unicorn....or even Pegasus...
I have learned to temper Dr Jekyll, with Mr Hyde.
I have to allow the Popular Sanguine coexist with the Perfect Melancholy.
I do not allow the klutzy tone deaf person take away the graceful ballerina in my mind...
These past few days...I focused on dreams...and intentions.
I cannot afford to lose my sense of wonder...for time, and time again, it allows me to return to the very recesses of my brain...and let go.
We need to have faith...we need to believe.
We need to have something that will allow is to really buffer us against some of the harshness we see around us.
So as I dance in my dreams...I will chase my rainbows...They keep me sane.
I dream in colour...do you?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Power of Intention
The Power of Intention
(Lets Empower Ourselves)
It has been an interesting roller-coaster week. Hmmm...reminds me of the ride I took once on the Pepsi Revolution at Downtown East. Though I have never been in a front loading washing machine, I think the sensations of tumbling in every possible direction comes pretty close to describe the few unstable moments.
But the ride had been bearable...you know why?
I took that ride on a dare...on a leap of faith. And I had plunged into the action not just because of the challenge, but because I also had a 'safety mechanism' I relied on. You see, my cowardice is also my harness...when I become a scaredy-cat, I close my eyes...and pray.
So I think I survived this week...because of prayers...and because in a way, I had told myself...that I will come to an end....I cannot keep on spinning forever, nor can I keep hanging on to my dear life, just on a wing and a prayer.
There's another powerful book to read...this time, by Wayne Dyer.
It is called "The Power of Intention"
This is what I have gleaned from the book.
Intention is seen as a 'force' that comes from within us. It is a force that is behind almost everything in the universe.
We take take charge of that force...and use our intention to propel us forward.
Lets start with an intention everyday.
1. I will wake up in the morning....and choose to have a good day, no matter what happens.
2. I will find good in the things I do, as well as the actions of those around me.
3. I will make it a point to be nice, polite and civilised to others.
4. I will look for something to make me feel blessed and grateful that I am alive.
Dear God,
Today has been a good one...despite the noise, despite the interruptions...I learn to understand more about the insecurities of certain special individuals, I empathise the heartaches of those who are down. And oh, thank you for the time I get to interact with a sharp mind, which is willing to exchange ideas with me. I find myself with a purpose." Ameen
(Lets Empower Ourselves)
It has been an interesting roller-coaster week. Hmmm...reminds me of the ride I took once on the Pepsi Revolution at Downtown East. Though I have never been in a front loading washing machine, I think the sensations of tumbling in every possible direction comes pretty close to describe the few unstable moments.
But the ride had been bearable...you know why?
I took that ride on a dare...on a leap of faith. And I had plunged into the action not just because of the challenge, but because I also had a 'safety mechanism' I relied on. You see, my cowardice is also my harness...when I become a scaredy-cat, I close my eyes...and pray.
So I think I survived this week...because of prayers...and because in a way, I had told myself...that I will come to an end....I cannot keep on spinning forever, nor can I keep hanging on to my dear life, just on a wing and a prayer.
There's another powerful book to read...this time, by Wayne Dyer.
It is called "The Power of Intention"
This is what I have gleaned from the book.
Intention is seen as a 'force' that comes from within us. It is a force that is behind almost everything in the universe.
We take take charge of that force...and use our intention to propel us forward.
Lets start with an intention everyday.
1. I will wake up in the morning....and choose to have a good day, no matter what happens.
2. I will find good in the things I do, as well as the actions of those around me.
3. I will make it a point to be nice, polite and civilised to others.
4. I will look for something to make me feel blessed and grateful that I am alive.
Dear God,
Today has been a good one...despite the noise, despite the interruptions...I learn to understand more about the insecurities of certain special individuals, I empathise the heartaches of those who are down. And oh, thank you for the time I get to interact with a sharp mind, which is willing to exchange ideas with me. I find myself with a purpose." Ameen
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
From the ashes of a phoenix
From the ashes of a phoenix
(random thots and jots)
We all know the myth of the phoenix, the bird that burns itself...and then is re-born from its ashes.
Well, I burned yesterday...ok...not so drastic, nor dramatic...but now a little recharged. (Wow...a whole night reading Maxwell can really put the spark back a little). And this morning, when a particular someone came...I was ready...to explain, to clarify , to justify and defend the very things I believe in. "We are ready to meet the challenge...Bring it on!"
"Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes"- Washington Irving. The mindset is shifting into higher gear. It is no longer a dream...that dream I want must be driven by my mission. Maybe there is truth in what had been said earlier. So if we want to move on, we take charge...we take control...
Lets go!
Prayer for today:
God, my thoughts are on a group of special people who will be sitting for an important paper tomorrow. Fill them with confidence and resilience, and keep them steady which they face the exam. So bless and look after my e1 babies -Feli,Fiona,GY,Ann,Sharon, Jos, Mandy,QH, Lynn,Hidayah, HY,Sabirah, Lyanna, HL,Yovita,Hafiz,Alex,YM,Brendan, Deane, Erickson, CK,ZJ,Issac,KT,Bryden,BR,JA,Jeremy,Naen,Khairil,Man,Nasir,Ivan,Ken,Haziq,Kenelm,Yan and Cedric...and the rest...
All the best people.
(random thots and jots)
We all know the myth of the phoenix, the bird that burns itself...and then is re-born from its ashes.
Well, I burned yesterday...ok...not so drastic, nor dramatic...but now a little recharged. (Wow...a whole night reading Maxwell can really put the spark back a little). And this morning, when a particular someone came...I was ready...to explain, to clarify , to justify and defend the very things I believe in. "We are ready to meet the challenge...Bring it on!"
"Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes"- Washington Irving. The mindset is shifting into higher gear. It is no longer a dream...that dream I want must be driven by my mission. Maybe there is truth in what had been said earlier. So if we want to move on, we take charge...we take control...
Lets go!
Prayer for today:
God, my thoughts are on a group of special people who will be sitting for an important paper tomorrow. Fill them with confidence and resilience, and keep them steady which they face the exam. So bless and look after my e1 babies -Feli,Fiona,GY,Ann,Sharon, Jos, Mandy,QH, Lynn,Hidayah, HY,Sabirah, Lyanna, HL,Yovita,Hafiz,Alex,YM,Brendan, Deane, Erickson, CK,ZJ,Issac,KT,Bryden,BR,JA,Jeremy,Naen,Khairil,Man,Nasir,Ivan,Ken,Haziq,Kenelm,Yan and Cedric...and the rest...
All the best people.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Learned Helplessness
Learned Helplessness?
(personal refelction)
Okay...that's it. I have allowed myself two days to be buried deep int that deep blue funk, and wallow in self-pity. So Dee, get off your butt, and do something about it now!
Get fired up again. Focus, focus, focus!
Actually, it was a remark someone made that is making me burn...and burn...and burn.
I take offense that being stereotyped and pigeon-holed in such a manner. For every action that I do, whatever way I do it...all boils down to that concept of 'learned helplessness'? How did a genuine plea for help become so misconstrued? Is that the way people perceive us?
My response...
I'll rise to the challenge and prove you wrong. In fact, we will all prove you wrong.
My friends out there who understand my point, take stock of our situation. The gauntlet has been thrown...and we will respond. We will not fight with swords, or fists, or words...but with our hearts. We will hold our heads up...and never lose the vision we have in mind.
Lets do this...together.
I am ready...are you?
(personal refelction)
Okay...that's it. I have allowed myself two days to be buried deep int that deep blue funk, and wallow in self-pity. So Dee, get off your butt, and do something about it now!
Get fired up again. Focus, focus, focus!
Actually, it was a remark someone made that is making me burn...and burn...and burn.
I take offense that being stereotyped and pigeon-holed in such a manner. For every action that I do, whatever way I do it...all boils down to that concept of 'learned helplessness'? How did a genuine plea for help become so misconstrued? Is that the way people perceive us?
My response...
I'll rise to the challenge and prove you wrong. In fact, we will all prove you wrong.
My friends out there who understand my point, take stock of our situation. The gauntlet has been thrown...and we will respond. We will not fight with swords, or fists, or words...but with our hearts. We will hold our heads up...and never lose the vision we have in mind.
Lets do this...together.
I am ready...are you?
I can't hear the music
Where did the music go?
Where did the music go?
I really don't know.
Without the melody, tempo,
The existence of my soul...
Hollow
I close my eyes
There are no sounds in my head...
The song of the heart is gone.
A pray for today
Dear God...I need my music...let me dance in my dreams again. Please.....Ameen
Where did the music go?
I really don't know.
Without the melody, tempo,
The existence of my soul...
Hollow
I close my eyes
There are no sounds in my head...
The song of the heart is gone.
A pray for today
Dear God...I need my music...let me dance in my dreams again. Please.....Ameen
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Lullabye
Lullabye
(for Zafran and my other babies)
When Zafran was little, he loved this song to help him go to sleep.
Since he has so many sleepless nights lately, here is the song...to chase the scary monsters and nightmares away.
Close your eyes, go to sleep
As you dream of tomorrow
All of us, wish you goodnight,
As I gently turn off the light...
One more hug, one more smile,
Kiss you once, kiss you twice,
I'll be here for a while,
So close your eyes and say 'goodnight'.
I love you Zafran...( and Iffah...and Akmal...and my many many kids)
Each day is a new one...
Get your rest...You really need it.
"Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
~William Shakespeare, Macbeth
So even though you are all working so hard, and preparing for the exams...(and my friends who are furiously marking...kekeke..literally and figuratively, make sure you don't lose your sleep.
(for Zafran and my other babies)
When Zafran was little, he loved this song to help him go to sleep.
Since he has so many sleepless nights lately, here is the song...to chase the scary monsters and nightmares away.
Close your eyes, go to sleep
As you dream of tomorrow
All of us, wish you goodnight,
As I gently turn off the light...
One more hug, one more smile,
Kiss you once, kiss you twice,
I'll be here for a while,
So close your eyes and say 'goodnight'.
I love you Zafran...( and Iffah...and Akmal...and my many many kids)
Each day is a new one...
Get your rest...You really need it.
"Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
~William Shakespeare, Macbeth
So even though you are all working so hard, and preparing for the exams...(and my friends who are furiously marking...kekeke..literally and figuratively, make sure you don't lose your sleep.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Fight or Flight
Fight or Flight
(random musings, or what happens what I talk aloud)
Ok...first do not be alarmed...
I talk to myself...out aloud. I do that so that I can remind myself to keep focus. It happens when I find that all the information I need sent by the various parts of my body does not get to the CPU ... my brain. Just like how emails and other technological what-nots get lost in cyber world...I experience an internal 'technical glitch.'...as simple as that.
So this entry is more to convince myself of the things I need to do, so that I can function as per normal...(wait...was I ever 'normal'?)
Checklist for ...stress (distress more likely)
1. Walking around like a citizen of the living dead ...ah...zombie - check
2. Eye-bags and sallow skin ( do I look like a panda?) - check
3. Unable to complete...what?..oh ...complete a sentence? - check
(Ah...4E1 a word - one, a phrase - more than one, without a capital and full stop, and a sentence is wedged between 2 full stops)
4. Cravings for chocolates, tubs of Ben& Jerry's, packs of M&Ms (oh no - melamine scare cannot!)...ok , just more Cadbury Duo? - check
5. Screaming at the scales because I am paying for my chocolate sins? - check
6. More strands of white hair and bald patches because I tug my head in despair? - check
7. Intermittenly mutters prayers and other incantations under my breath? -check
8. Porcrastinate? Procrastinate?Procrastinate? - check
9. Is irritating and iritable? - check
10. Makes no sense when I am talking to myself (like right now? ) CHECK!
Ok...where do I go from here?
Maybe should allow myself to relax and let go...(with more Ben & Jerry's)
(random musings, or what happens what I talk aloud)
Ok...first do not be alarmed...
I talk to myself...out aloud. I do that so that I can remind myself to keep focus. It happens when I find that all the information I need sent by the various parts of my body does not get to the CPU ... my brain. Just like how emails and other technological what-nots get lost in cyber world...I experience an internal 'technical glitch.'...as simple as that.
So this entry is more to convince myself of the things I need to do, so that I can function as per normal...(wait...was I ever 'normal'?)
Checklist for ...stress (distress more likely)
1. Walking around like a citizen of the living dead ...ah...zombie - check
2. Eye-bags and sallow skin ( do I look like a panda?) - check
3. Unable to complete...what?..oh ...complete a sentence? - check
(Ah...4E1 a word - one, a phrase - more than one, without a capital and full stop, and a sentence is wedged between 2 full stops)
4. Cravings for chocolates, tubs of Ben& Jerry's, packs of M&Ms (oh no - melamine scare cannot!)...ok , just more Cadbury Duo? - check
5. Screaming at the scales because I am paying for my chocolate sins? - check
6. More strands of white hair and bald patches because I tug my head in despair? - check
7. Intermittenly mutters prayers and other incantations under my breath? -check
8. Porcrastinate? Procrastinate?Procrastinate? - check
9. Is irritating and iritable? - check
10. Makes no sense when I am talking to myself (like right now? ) CHECK!
Ok...where do I go from here?
Maybe should allow myself to relax and let go...(with more Ben & Jerry's)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The things you learn in school
The Things You Learn in School
(An open letter)
My dear kids,
For many of you,crunch time is close. The nightmares have begun, and no many how many hours you grind your noses into your books and notes, the brain seems not to be able to absorb and work in tandem. I understand your fears, I share your insecurites. No one can really make accurate predictions on how you are going to perform.
But I hope that what I am telling you here will provide some comfort, and the drive to keep on trying.
Do not let fear of the exams overwhelm you. You need to be able to have a clear mind when you go in. You are ready to meet your 'enemies' (the papers), because you can recognise patterns, questions types, and set expectations. Really, the whole thing is not just about memorising the facts and figure, and the information...for when you move on later, you will realise that it is how much you are able to understand, process , and make connections that these information become useful.
Success in life... is not measured just by numbers and grades. Yes, you do need to do well in order to move on to the higher institutes of education. But ask yourself...what is your current motivation to do well? Your parents? Your peers? Your own self? If you do not believe that you can do well, than you have already defeated your sense of self-purpose. So adopt a winner's mentality, and consciously tell yourself.."I can do it..I can do well...I am working for the best of my ability and more"
" A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought" - James Allen.
You know, you have run the long marathon...and now, you are coming into that last lap around the stadium. It seems like the finishing line is still so far away, and everyone around you has begun to pick up speed.
What is your strategy now?
Take stock of your actions...and keep your 'finishing line' clear in your mind. You are tired, but don't forget...so are the rest too...If you can pick up speed, then do so...if not, keep at an even pace. Even if you stumble...pick yourself up, brush away the dirt,...and push yourself forward.
Find your strengths...Concentrate on what you can do best...Remove 'mental and emotional' baggage like negativity, and self-doubts. Think what you can do...not about outdoing someone else.
Refuse to think that you are a failure...for I know most of you can do it...I believe.
(An open letter)
My dear kids,
For many of you,crunch time is close. The nightmares have begun, and no many how many hours you grind your noses into your books and notes, the brain seems not to be able to absorb and work in tandem. I understand your fears, I share your insecurites. No one can really make accurate predictions on how you are going to perform.
But I hope that what I am telling you here will provide some comfort, and the drive to keep on trying.
Do not let fear of the exams overwhelm you. You need to be able to have a clear mind when you go in. You are ready to meet your 'enemies' (the papers), because you can recognise patterns, questions types, and set expectations. Really, the whole thing is not just about memorising the facts and figure, and the information...for when you move on later, you will realise that it is how much you are able to understand, process , and make connections that these information become useful.
Success in life... is not measured just by numbers and grades. Yes, you do need to do well in order to move on to the higher institutes of education. But ask yourself...what is your current motivation to do well? Your parents? Your peers? Your own self? If you do not believe that you can do well, than you have already defeated your sense of self-purpose. So adopt a winner's mentality, and consciously tell yourself.."I can do it..I can do well...I am working for the best of my ability and more"
" A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought" - James Allen.
You know, you have run the long marathon...and now, you are coming into that last lap around the stadium. It seems like the finishing line is still so far away, and everyone around you has begun to pick up speed.
What is your strategy now?
Take stock of your actions...and keep your 'finishing line' clear in your mind. You are tired, but don't forget...so are the rest too...If you can pick up speed, then do so...if not, keep at an even pace. Even if you stumble...pick yourself up, brush away the dirt,...and push yourself forward.
Find your strengths...Concentrate on what you can do best...Remove 'mental and emotional' baggage like negativity, and self-doubts. Think what you can do...not about outdoing someone else.
Refuse to think that you are a failure...for I know most of you can do it...I believe.
Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground
Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground
(Confession of a pragmatic dreamer)
Today's entry...was inspired by a few people...
Thanks to Erickson first...who helped me conjure the image of the paradoxical "Pragmatic Dreamer"...then to Arif...the pure melancholic soul, and of course my "Sky"...for the sensible perspective of things.
As children...we had that marvellous gift...A sense of wonder...when everything in the world seemed to be some exciting things waiting to be discovered...We questioned, we wondered...we believed...and we hoped...we wished
How did we lose this along the way?
Why do we sometimes become so cynical?
When did we start closing our hearts and rationalise things with our heads only?
I do not want to ever lose that precious gift...even if I have to dig deep in my soul, or the recesses of my brain, I want to reconnect, and re-discover.
I want to be able to close my eyes, and conjure up the most colourful and delightful of images. I want to see, touch and feel...those dreams.
Dear God,
Today, you opened up a new door for me...and for that, I am grateful.
Never let me lose my sense of wonder.
Allow my rational being work harmoniously with my impulses and my feelings.
Please...let me be able to keep my eyes on the beautiful bright stars up there, but at the same time, keep my feet firmly on the ground.
Thank you...for I am blessed today. Ameen.
(Confession of a pragmatic dreamer)
Today's entry...was inspired by a few people...
Thanks to Erickson first...who helped me conjure the image of the paradoxical "Pragmatic Dreamer"...then to Arif...the pure melancholic soul, and of course my "Sky"...for the sensible perspective of things.
As children...we had that marvellous gift...A sense of wonder...when everything in the world seemed to be some exciting things waiting to be discovered...We questioned, we wondered...we believed...and we hoped...we wished
How did we lose this along the way?
Why do we sometimes become so cynical?
When did we start closing our hearts and rationalise things with our heads only?
I do not want to ever lose that precious gift...even if I have to dig deep in my soul, or the recesses of my brain, I want to reconnect, and re-discover.
I want to be able to close my eyes, and conjure up the most colourful and delightful of images. I want to see, touch and feel...those dreams.
Dear God,
Today, you opened up a new door for me...and for that, I am grateful.
Never let me lose my sense of wonder.
Allow my rational being work harmoniously with my impulses and my feelings.
Please...let me be able to keep my eyes on the beautiful bright stars up there, but at the same time, keep my feet firmly on the ground.
Thank you...for I am blessed today. Ameen.
Monday, October 6, 2008
It's Time to Let Go
It's Time to Let Go
(personal reflection)
Today, yet another little 'drama' unfolded before me...and I was in great sadness, as I watched another friend bury her head in her hands...in utter defeat. How did her spirit get so broken at this point? Easy...all it took was her charges' attitude...they were 'switched off', and found no reason to do any more work.
Perhaps, age has made me a little wiser (?), or it is because I share the same sentiments as them since it has happened to me many times over? Perhaps, the answer to us remaining sane and stoic in times like this, can be found in this poem I found.
Kudos to the writer, whoever you are.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
------ author unknown
To M,V,S,R,N...and my 'comrade-in-arms',
The time has come to let go...But not out of fear, or frustration, but because we are ready to let them fly. Stay strong in the knowledge that you all have done your very best.
My Prayer for Today,
Dear God, I am ready to let go...and release the many hands I have held on so tightly to this year...and as they make their tentative steps on their own, remind me to walk just a step behind them...so that just in case they fall, I can still catch. And please, like an anxious mother who has to gently let go of the hands, let me find comfort in the knowledge that I may still have the chance to hold their hearts forever. - Ameen
(personal reflection)
Today, yet another little 'drama' unfolded before me...and I was in great sadness, as I watched another friend bury her head in her hands...in utter defeat. How did her spirit get so broken at this point? Easy...all it took was her charges' attitude...they were 'switched off', and found no reason to do any more work.
Perhaps, age has made me a little wiser (?), or it is because I share the same sentiments as them since it has happened to me many times over? Perhaps, the answer to us remaining sane and stoic in times like this, can be found in this poem I found.
Kudos to the writer, whoever you are.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
------ author unknown
To M,V,S,R,N...and my 'comrade-in-arms',
The time has come to let go...But not out of fear, or frustration, but because we are ready to let them fly. Stay strong in the knowledge that you all have done your very best.
My Prayer for Today,
Dear God, I am ready to let go...and release the many hands I have held on so tightly to this year...and as they make their tentative steps on their own, remind me to walk just a step behind them...so that just in case they fall, I can still catch. And please, like an anxious mother who has to gently let go of the hands, let me find comfort in the knowledge that I may still have the chance to hold their hearts forever. - Ameen
Sunday, October 5, 2008
To Err is Human, To Forgive Divine
To Err is Human, to Forgive Divine.
(personal reflection)
In the spirit of asking for forgiveness during Hari Raya, I pondered over one of the best lines from Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice". Portia speaks to the bitter Shylock about showing a little compassion.
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice.
(Act 4 Sci - The Merchant of Venice)
We are only humans...and very often, when we are hurt so badly by others, the first thought is to hurt back, and we often lash out in blind fury. If we have been wronged, it is difficult to forgive...and the justice we seek is like that of 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' It is tit-for-tat reaction.
Mercy is such a compelling word; embracing the image of empathy, compassion, kindness, understanding and love. Is Man capable of such mercy? Like in the quote, " It is an attribute to God himself"...
When we are hurt, we bleed...we feel not only the physical, but emotional and mental pain...it can be agonising too. And just like the wounded beasts, we more than often in turn, hurt those who try to help us too.
Mercy...mercy...mercy...that is a blessing from heaven...We need to learn to forgive, and also forgive ourselves...It helps us to move on.
Prayer for today:
God...I pray for mercy and forgiveness. I am flawed , and full of shortcomings. And even more, teach me also to forgive, and forget...Ameen
(personal reflection)
In the spirit of asking for forgiveness during Hari Raya, I pondered over one of the best lines from Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice". Portia speaks to the bitter Shylock about showing a little compassion.
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice.
(Act 4 Sci - The Merchant of Venice)
We are only humans...and very often, when we are hurt so badly by others, the first thought is to hurt back, and we often lash out in blind fury. If we have been wronged, it is difficult to forgive...and the justice we seek is like that of 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' It is tit-for-tat reaction.
Mercy is such a compelling word; embracing the image of empathy, compassion, kindness, understanding and love. Is Man capable of such mercy? Like in the quote, " It is an attribute to God himself"...
When we are hurt, we bleed...we feel not only the physical, but emotional and mental pain...it can be agonising too. And just like the wounded beasts, we more than often in turn, hurt those who try to help us too.
Mercy...mercy...mercy...that is a blessing from heaven...We need to learn to forgive, and also forgive ourselves...It helps us to move on.
Prayer for today:
God...I pray for mercy and forgiveness. I am flawed , and full of shortcomings. And even more, teach me also to forgive, and forget...Ameen
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Go the distance
Go The Distance
(song lyrics from Disney's Hercules)
I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
*************************************
To all my dreamers and heroes out there,
Stare up to the stars, while you plant your feet on the ground.
Remember, a hero is not one who has physical courage, or save the world, (or wears his underwear inside out)
A hero is one, who faces up to his own personal challenges...and still believes that he is on a continuous journey to reach his goals.
And each goal is simply a new destination...a pit stop before you move again.
A Prayer for today
God,...sometimes, the music fades, and I lose my sense of rhythm...Colour my world, and let the light in...Allow the rainbows to appear...so that I can dance in my dreams again. Ameen
(song lyrics from Disney's Hercules)
I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
*************************************
To all my dreamers and heroes out there,
Stare up to the stars, while you plant your feet on the ground.
Remember, a hero is not one who has physical courage, or save the world, (or wears his underwear inside out)
A hero is one, who faces up to his own personal challenges...and still believes that he is on a continuous journey to reach his goals.
And each goal is simply a new destination...a pit stop before you move again.
A Prayer for today
God,...sometimes, the music fades, and I lose my sense of rhythm...Colour my world, and let the light in...Allow the rainbows to appear...so that I can dance in my dreams again. Ameen
Friday, October 3, 2008
A Long Hard Day
A Long Hard Day
(Personal Recount)
This morning, I got KC to come to school to talk to the current students. Though I have more or less, goaded him into 'a payback time', my intention was to let the others see that if they do not lose sight of their dreams, they would be able to reach for the stars too. (Thank you KC)
It was tough for KC...really, I would know.
But he clawed his way up...all because he was determined to make it far, and prove himself. Many of the kids have been able to 'fly' because they really want to do well, for they have got a lot to prove.
It's really up to the individual...for when you choose the right attitude, and make up your mind to give your best.
On a more sober note...I just wonder...
Am I, as an educator, expecting too much of the kids?
From experience, I know that the stress levels get unbearably high when the O level draws near. There is so much that I want to do with the class, and the idea is just to keep on pushing and pushing...
But over and over again, I do crash into a wall when I try to push 'too much'...the kids get turned off, and they cannot understand why I am trying to make them do more things than they can cope. I have learnt to buffer and guard my emotions when the kids think that there is no need to have so much practice in the subject I teach.
Today, I saw one of my friends cry...shed tears of frustration, and hurt...because she was accused of being unfeeling and selfish...The people she wants to help, are the ones who made her cry.
When we are high-strung, we all react in different ways...and in this case, actions were misunderstood. But I suppose that what will take a very long time to recover is the pain felt...
Kids...do not bite the hand that feeds you...
Do not break the hearts of those who love you
Do not take make those who believe in you...lose that faith...
Remember, your teachers have your interests at heart...
I know most of my friends have sacrificed so much of their own personal time for you...We are not obligated to be at your beck and call 24/7.
A Prayer for Today
God, things are still pretty tough...and today, a lot of spirits have been demoralised. We wonder why our good intentions are misunderstood, and why, despite the things we try to do to help, we are seen as the 'bad guys. Please do not let me lose hope...Help me keep on believing in my young charges...If the hand gets bitten again, allow me to try ,and try again. Ameen.
(Personal Recount)
This morning, I got KC to come to school to talk to the current students. Though I have more or less, goaded him into 'a payback time', my intention was to let the others see that if they do not lose sight of their dreams, they would be able to reach for the stars too. (Thank you KC)
It was tough for KC...really, I would know.
But he clawed his way up...all because he was determined to make it far, and prove himself. Many of the kids have been able to 'fly' because they really want to do well, for they have got a lot to prove.
It's really up to the individual...for when you choose the right attitude, and make up your mind to give your best.
On a more sober note...I just wonder...
Am I, as an educator, expecting too much of the kids?
From experience, I know that the stress levels get unbearably high when the O level draws near. There is so much that I want to do with the class, and the idea is just to keep on pushing and pushing...
But over and over again, I do crash into a wall when I try to push 'too much'...the kids get turned off, and they cannot understand why I am trying to make them do more things than they can cope. I have learnt to buffer and guard my emotions when the kids think that there is no need to have so much practice in the subject I teach.
Today, I saw one of my friends cry...shed tears of frustration, and hurt...because she was accused of being unfeeling and selfish...The people she wants to help, are the ones who made her cry.
When we are high-strung, we all react in different ways...and in this case, actions were misunderstood. But I suppose that what will take a very long time to recover is the pain felt...
Kids...do not bite the hand that feeds you...
Do not break the hearts of those who love you
Do not take make those who believe in you...lose that faith...
Remember, your teachers have your interests at heart...
I know most of my friends have sacrificed so much of their own personal time for you...We are not obligated to be at your beck and call 24/7.
A Prayer for Today
God, things are still pretty tough...and today, a lot of spirits have been demoralised. We wonder why our good intentions are misunderstood, and why, despite the things we try to do to help, we are seen as the 'bad guys. Please do not let me lose hope...Help me keep on believing in my young charges...If the hand gets bitten again, allow me to try ,and try again. Ameen.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Power of a Dream
The Power of a Dream
(Personal Reflection)
I am back to reading Maxwell again, and in his new book "Dare to Dream ...then do it..",I came across this simple yet thought-provoking part when he questions readers on the differences between a 'daring dream' and a 'daydream
Daring Dream vs Day Dream
- relies on discipline vs - relies on luck
- focuses on the journey vs - focuses on the destination
- cultivates healthy discontent vs - cultivates unhealthy expectations
- maximises the value of hard work vs - minimizes the value of hard work
- leads to action vs - leads to excuses
- creates momentum vs - creates inertia
- breeds teamwork vs - breeds isolation
- initiates vs - waits
- embraces risks as possibilities vs - avoids all risks
- makes one responsible vs - holds others responsible
Great dreams are those which inspire and move you forward. It keeps you going, and fuels your passion. The very thought of it makes you feel alive.
Daydreams are just wishful thinking of 'if only...or what if...'
Hmmm...There is not one among us who do not have dreams. We all want the good things in life, we want things that make us feel happy.
Some of us want the tangible things in life....money, career, certain objects of desire...while there are others who want those that money cannot buy...things of intrinsic value...
My take is this...if you really believe in this dream, then you must take the right action to turn your dreams into reality. You must take ownership of this dream, and then work hard. You must be committed to your goals, and not give up.
My dear kids, I have a dream
A dream that all of you will do well in the exams.
Will you join me in making this dream a reality?
A Prayer for today,
God, grant me the sense of compassion and empathy as I begin marking my papers today. While I may wonder and be taken aback at the kinds of answers I read, always remind me that some of these kids were under a lot of stress, and perhaps could not think clearly. Oh,...keep intact my sense of humour, so that I will not wonder how on earth they have come up with such responses to the question.
(Personal Reflection)
I am back to reading Maxwell again, and in his new book "Dare to Dream ...then do it..",I came across this simple yet thought-provoking part when he questions readers on the differences between a 'daring dream' and a 'daydream
Daring Dream vs Day Dream
- relies on discipline vs - relies on luck
- focuses on the journey vs - focuses on the destination
- cultivates healthy discontent vs - cultivates unhealthy expectations
- maximises the value of hard work vs - minimizes the value of hard work
- leads to action vs - leads to excuses
- creates momentum vs - creates inertia
- breeds teamwork vs - breeds isolation
- initiates vs - waits
- embraces risks as possibilities vs - avoids all risks
- makes one responsible vs - holds others responsible
Great dreams are those which inspire and move you forward. It keeps you going, and fuels your passion. The very thought of it makes you feel alive.
Daydreams are just wishful thinking of 'if only...or what if...'
Hmmm...There is not one among us who do not have dreams. We all want the good things in life, we want things that make us feel happy.
Some of us want the tangible things in life....money, career, certain objects of desire...while there are others who want those that money cannot buy...things of intrinsic value...
My take is this...if you really believe in this dream, then you must take the right action to turn your dreams into reality. You must take ownership of this dream, and then work hard. You must be committed to your goals, and not give up.
My dear kids, I have a dream
A dream that all of you will do well in the exams.
Will you join me in making this dream a reality?
A Prayer for today,
God, grant me the sense of compassion and empathy as I begin marking my papers today. While I may wonder and be taken aback at the kinds of answers I read, always remind me that some of these kids were under a lot of stress, and perhaps could not think clearly. Oh,...keep intact my sense of humour, so that I will not wonder how on earth they have come up with such responses to the question.
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