Blessings

Blessings
(Reflection)

As I write this, there is a group of individuals up there who are furiously completing the second part of their exam papers. I hope they will remain steady, so that they will be able to feel just as confident as they did earlier.

My work is nearly done...they will not need me anymore.

How far have they come?
Maybe the answer to that is to ask myself how much have I grown with them this year...

For me, I know the direction in which I am heading...and why the experience the past few months have been so much more meaningful to me..

It has been 6 years now since I held my current position. That move had brought along many changes, and sacrifices. One of the things I missed so very dearly is the rapport and bond I had with my 'babies'. What I was able to build with the kids over the years...literally with blood, sweat & tears.

I had to give up KC&Co...and though I still interact with them, I missed out on the camps, the outings...the daily nagging sessions (& who remembers the bottle of marbles as a class reward system)?

And when I went on to chase my own dream, the gulf just got wider (Maybe because I was getting older too)...but it took a long time to connect and build bridges with the young people I teach. I would have done more...but there were too many things that got in the way.

It had taken a lot out of me this year to make more adjustments.
Again, and again, I am reminded of the word "amanah" - that sense of responsibility and accountability.
Is it fair to take over from someone else? What is the justification of such a move?
Would I be able to do a good job, especially in such a short time?
Will I be able to meet the expectations?
Will I be able to prepare them fully for the challenges?
Can I shoulder the task that has been entrusted upon me?

It has been again, a leap of faith.
I think I try to do the best that I can, to make the best of the situation I am in.
And now, as I look back at my journey of the past few months, I think I ought to be grateful of all the blessings I have.

I found a purpose, I found a focus.
Though there were times when I felt like banging my head against the wall, there was something about my young charges that kept me alive; kept me challenged. For every frustration, there was hope...behind every heartbreak, there was a dream of pushing them on.

So as long as that hope and passion is kept alive, I pushed on..and on...And driven by a strong sense of belief...that there are so many gems in my hands...and all that I need to do is to cut, mould and polish. And how they sparkle and shine...

I am at the crossroad. It is as if telling me to reevaluate my next move...for the new road I am going to travel, will take me away from the things I love to do. It does look as if I am cutting away my lifeline; whatever it is that feeds, nourishes and sustains me all this while.

But...for the moment, my work is done...and I can breathe a little easier now.
...sigh...there is a little hollow feeling somehow...for I am not needed any more. Their journey with me ends here.
They have rose to the occasion...they have stood tall...and I am proud of them.


Dear God,
Thank you for Your Guidance, and Your Strength...which have given me the courage to do the things I do.Thank you for watching out for me, and filling me with a sense of purpose. I am thankful to have crossed paths with bright, interesting, and wonderful young minds, and I hope I have fulfilled the Amanah that has been placed on me. I seek your Wisdom to think through of what I want to do, for the heart and the head does not seem to agree." Ameen

Thank you, thank you, thank you.