It feels good...

Over the past few days, in order to complete a school project, I have been in touch with a number of my ex-students; some of whom went way back with me when I was a new beginning teacher.  In those days, I really underwent a sharp learning curve, for each new day, I learnt something new and valuable.

I made mistakes, I fell; I did a few things I was not proud of.
There were many days when I felt like giving up.
But it was the kids who kept me going., and that despite the challenges, I was learning from them as much (I hope) they were learning from me.

I entered the teaching service in 1989...so it has more than 20 years that I have been teaching.
Wow...where did all that time go?
The kids I used to teach have been able to come back to me and proclaim, "Cher...you used to teach me...now you are teaching my child!" ...I have become ancient!
If I am to retire at 65, good grief! I need to keep on going for another 21 years at least...just like now.
Can I make it that long?

I don't know about that, but as long as I keep on hearing the good news the kids have to offer now and then, I think there is enough fuel to sustain the interest and passion.  I felt a little sad when some of them said, "Cher..I do not think what I have done is something worth 'shouting' about.

But they are forget...
'Greatness' is something hard to define...
But if the self continues to believe and keeps up the drive to be the best that you can be,
you are already great in someone's eyes.

And so, to my kids out there,...you are great.
You have all come a long way.
And thank you...for giving me hope, and the courage to go on....

Belief

This is not original.  This was sent to me by a friend.
I want to write something similiar, but I supposed the version here (writer unknown) captures the essence of what I feel too. I have added a few lines of my own here and there.

I Believe (Anonymous)


I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
Or that...perhaps, we are the ones who need to change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
And I as a friend, must be true to them.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
It is not how much you love, but how you love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
A moment of impulse should not lead to a lifetime of regrets.

I Believe....
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.
But if I am patient and peservering
I will be who I truly am and do great things.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
Never end the day angry or upset with those who mean much to you.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
Never say die...and keep pushing yourself.

I Believe....
That we are responsible for what
We do, no matter how we feel.
We have the freedom to choose...the best of what life can offer.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
And that attitude in the long run, outperforms your aptitude.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs
to be done, regardless of the consequences.
And there is a hero in each of us.

I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
And not to be misled that those whom you think will rally around you
are the ones who will always be there.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel,
Nor the right to indulgence in vengence.

I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
That if you learn from the lessons of life, you are a much better person.

I Believe....
That it isn't always enough,
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself..
by simply being your own best friend.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
Learn to bounce back...
Move on...move on.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.
Embrace diversity and accept differences.

I Believe....
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.
So never make judgements until you know others well.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you -
you will find the strength to help.
And if you reach up for God too,
He will be your guide.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
That money cannot buy decency and good manners
or imbibe integrity in a person.

I Believe
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have

 I just need ....to believe.

Love at work

Last evening, I attended the wedding of a dear friend.  During the simple but elegant ceremony, the bride spoke of how the couple had met, and in the process, her voice broke many times  I would understand how and why she would be overcome by emotions.  It had been a long and tedious journey for the two of them, with many obstacles in their way...some of which were not of their making.

Weddings always have a 'feel-good' sense to it.  People are usually happy, and the couple, well, mostly buoyed by so much love from all around.  It is every person's dream to find one you love, and loves you in return, and hopefully you will be able to have a lasting, stable and happy marriage.

My better other half (whom I know will read this), is fully aware that he was not my first love.
Love...I wonder how many of the young people of today really think about the complexities that follow when they think that they are 'in love'\
I had my fair share of crushes...and yes...falling in love.
But I suppose God knows better, though there were times when I wished He could take away the pains and anguish of breakups. (hahah..but that is a different story...which I shall not dwell now)

I suppose my take on love and marriage is this.
It takesa lot of hard work to make a marriage last in this day and age.
Love alone is not enough.
The RoMM last year showed that out of 5000 couples who got married last 5years, 4000 got divorced. Are the odds really against a solid stable marriage?

I hope that those of you who have found the love of your life, congratulations.
But understand that with love, comes tolerance, patience, mutual respect and a lot of give and take.
You have to swallow your pride many times...it is not about winning...or having the upper hand.  It comes with sacrifices, sweat and tears...of which, if you see as learning opportunities, will help you grow from strength to strength.

Selamat Pengantin Baru,adik Nissa.
Semoga berkekalan dan di berkati hingga ke syurga jodohmu.
Ameen

Negative Power and why it attracts

Complain & whine...moan and groan.
It seems so much easier to be pessimistic and helpless rather than be buoyed by good feelings.
Negative thinking is so notoriously inaccurate, exaggerated and severe...but oh don't we love to be swept by our sense of self-tragedy?

I know I have made a lot of mistakes, and I am fundamentally flawed (see..I told you it was easy).
But I question myself for not making the effort to make it a point to learn from my mistakes and bounce back.
I fall into the trap of making the same errors again and sometimes going "Why am I so stupid? Real duh!"
These messages perpetuate and become so ingrained in my head that I tend to believe I am such. Sigh

With age, comes wisdom ...(ahahaha...oops)
I am supposed to be wiser.  Yet the experiences of the past has left me with some sense of cynicism.
Yes, I can blame it on the impending M when I find my irritation quotion rising. Why do I seem so naggy and anal lately?

I am still seeking answers.
But step 1 today...be nice to myself, and to others.
Find something positive to do, say and think about.
If I need to make a difference, then I will start with me.

Dee...you can do it. You will....Insyaallah

Doa, Usaha, Ikhtiar, Tawakkal (DUIT- Do it!)

Just do it!
I guess it is many a warcry of those who dare enough to take a leap of faith.
It means putting aside your rational thoughts, ignoring self-doubts and simply facing your fears head-on.  As impulsive as it sounds, risk-taking is something that we all should do occasionally.

But we are have fears so ingrained in us that sometimes it is difficult to move forward.
"A man is not defeated by his opponents, but himself."
It is our own perceptions that set the boundaries and limits to what we can do , and what we can achieve.  Though conditioning, and past failures, we develop our cautionary sides. 

Maxwell, in "The Difference Maker", talks about the 3 groups of people in the world.
There are the "Wills", "Won'ts" and "Can'ts"
The first group will go out of their way to accomplish things they set their mind to.
The second will oppose everything.
The third will fail, even before they try.

It is back to CAR (choice, attitude & responsibility)
It is the attitude you choose that will make all the difference first.
There are many things that I fear...emotionally, physically & mentally.
Yes, fear can be paralysing and debilitating.

But I have learnt...to make a choice to take risks.
I have learnt to surrender myself to His Will.
That is where the acronym 'DUIT" comes it.
In Malay, duit means money...but its moniker is "Do It"

When I take a risk now, I begin with Doa (a prayer)
I prayer for strength, guidance and reason.
But prayers alone are not enough.
I will then have have to Usaha...that is working towards something.
Hard work never does much harm to a person. It adds on to one's character.

When I know I have worked hard and persevered, I will continue with Ikhtiar...
It is quite hard to find an apt English translation...but it means something like looking at all possible solutions, and giving all that I have, and I can.  It means not giving up when there are failures, and having the resilience to keep on doing what I have started.
And finally, it all ties up to Tawakkal...(Faith)
I start with a prayer...and I keep on sustaining myself with a prayer.

Dear God,
Pasrah...and I leave it in Your Hands.
Ameen

Words not Spoken

A hand...
clutched knuckles white awaiting for news,
a warm gentle caress down the side of a silky cheek
quivered shakes....bitten nails

A smile...
of genuine mirth and and pure innocence
a quiet thanks mirrored by the eyes
and secrets only 2 will share

A tear...
unmasked the stormy mind
wretched by pain and grief
cleansing rivulets for the soul.

A vibe...
of multi-coloured hues radiates and dims
a signal reaching out
of a need to be understood.

Some things...are best , left unspoken

Voices

I hear you in my head;
A friend, a foe...
It depends on what you want to say.

It is not what you say, but how you say the things you do,
...that stops me in my tracks
...that goads me to doing things I detest
...that pushes me when I feel blue
...that fills me with shame

I wonder why, I hear you.
When no one else does.
Yet you are loud and clear...
commanding,
pleading,
chiding,
coaxing,
belittling
reasoning
guiding...

Who are you? What are you?
I search for a direction
and can only find echoes bouncing off; here, there, everywhere.
You are there...
When I need you, and when I don't...

I listen to what you say
but gets lost by what I hear...
A million confusing words
defying logic, making sense only when I allow myself to feel.

I hear you in my head...
Friend, foe
I don't really know....

Form, Meaning, Tone & Function

I teach language...and one of the hardest things to do is impart knowledge about how language works.

I sometimes do wish that English could be a little more straightforward; like Maths for instance.
Basically, in Math (I will not quibble here, ok?) that 1 +1 = 2.  That is an established fact that almost all (haha) humans can agree.  Black is black, and white is white....almost no shades of grey in between.

But language...is the a tool of communication.
It is rich and beautiful; it can be crude and vulgar.
Whatever it is, in its simplest, to its most complex....language delivers a whole range of meaning...and it depends very much also on the receiver who perceives what he hears or read.

How you write, what you write about, the words you use, the amount of 'layered meaning' you put in, the form you use...they are all complex.

When words break down, communication breaks down.
And that...is a cause of a lot of misunderstanding.
The other day in class, I used a well-known joke to 'teach the class' about how punctuation can bring a change in meaning.

a woman without her man is nothing

Of course, many of you would know how this will bring about a 'war' between the genders.
The males would go about it this way
A woman without her man, is nothing.

A woman, especially me, would punctuate it this way.
A woman: Without her, Man is nothing!!! (hahaha...yes 3 exclamation marks)

What is the point of my rambling today?
Well, it is a reminder maybe how important words are. Isn't it interesting how , on FB, people attract attention by putting up taglines, or status updates that are meant to entice friends and strangers to notice you?  I just need to choose what I write with more care....if I really don't intend what I 'say'...maybe I should just keep quiet....

It all makes sense...does it?

I had a  piece of 'revelation' last weekend. 
At least I thought the information I got finally helped me to make sense not only of what has happened lately, but it pieced together all the things I sensed, but could not fully fathom in the past.
The auras, the vibes....the uneasiness...the sensations...
It all adds up.

But...
Why?....
In this day and age, it does not make sense....it should not make sense.
And I am not ready to accept.
Ignorance...was really bliss.

God,
Only you know best.
Doa, Usaha, Iktiar & Tawakkal.
Ameen

"You can Listen as well as you Hear"

Those lines come from one of my favourite songs -"The Living Years" - by Mike and the Mechanics.  I often used the lyrics as part of my teaching resources when it comes to dealing with the topic of parent-child relationships.  The lyrics are simple but to me, very meaningful.

Anyway, in one of those verses, come these lines
"Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear."

It reminds me of the distinction between speaking and talking,
between listening and hearing.
The two are the same, but there are definitely distinctions....meaning that in speaking and listening...there is effective engagement and communication taking place.

We have lost the art of good conversations.
In a time when we are always rushing...rushing...rushing....
and an age when texting is killing language, we lost the humaneness of communicating in language.

Today, they will become my priority.
I will slow down..and try to ensure that I listen to those around me...giving them the time and undivided attention.
I need to be able to speak to them....and they will speak to me in return.

God,
I hope you will always listen and not forsake me...
Grant me my prayers.
Ameen.

Driving My CAR....basic theory first...in Attitude

Much has been said about attitude.
I am in the process of having an internal scan...no, not via the MRI machine (that is oh-so-scary)...but the principle is basically the same. I am looking out for the black spots and blinds within me....From head to toe, from within to the flaws and blemishes on the outside.

But mind you...the ways in which I will take are more than just random, reflecting me perfectly.
Ok...If I am going to drive a CAR, I need to start with a license.
In order to get that, I must clear my basic and advance theories.
I need to recognise all the 'road signs' , and even understand the different functions of the car.
My examiner?.....me, I supposed. I promise not to be biased.

What exactly is attitude?
It encompasses your views, stance, convictions,feelings and perceptions.  There within lies a problem.
Attitudes are personal, and very often subjective.  We tend to measure others by our own yardstick, and then pass judgement prom a rather biased view....To quote someone who always questions me, "You (me) are always making inferences that are not based on logic" Hahahaha.

But it is something that we cannot really thumb down right?
A person with a 'bad' attitude need not necessarily be doing something illegal or unethical...yet we get uncomfortable around the person.  And a person whose virtues are good, may somehow adopt a "holier-than-thou' attitude.  Since attitudes are so subjective, identifying the wrong one ends up being a very difficult process.

I want to quote J Maxwell on this.  He says, "Attitude is really about how a person is, that overflows into how he acts."
Our whole being is our attitude; and a reflection of how we live our life.

Last weekend, I spent my afternoon doing GP on loss of civility vs loss of morals.
Where are we heading?  It seems nowadays chic and cool to be 'negative'...to use vulgarities, to condemn, to challenge, to instigate, to incite and to put down others...Being good is so old-fashioned.  Bad attitude is far may contagious and rampant than being 'nice and orderly'.

Ah...a lot for me to digest in one morning
So I am going to mirror me....and remind me of something.

Dee
Remember your place in the world....you are but one small being in Allah's great creations.
Never have illusions of how grand or indispensable you are...
Work to wards improving your imprefections, and be grateful for what little strengths you perceive you have.

Dear God,
Thank you for allowing my brains to work so that I can think.
Fill me with Nur & Hidayah....
Strengthen my Iman...and those I love and cherish.
Ameen.

I think I can pass basic theory test 1 today right?