Choice - it is really up to you

Years ago, as a girl in school,  I never really thought I would end up in teaching...there were so many options that I thought of, like journalism, or even broadcasting...teaching was one of the things I sort of 'flowed into' given my background.  It was something I could fall back on.

But as cliched as it is, life's course can never be determined by us, humans, alone.  There is a greater  power at hand, and we find ourselves either thwarted from the paths we intend to take, or that circumstances deviate us from our original course.  Of course now that I am at a much older age, I can see how the pieces fall together, or how things are tied to the bigger picture of our destiny.,,,yes, things happen for a reason, and very often, we can never fully understand that reason until much later...or never at all.

While our fate is not completely ours to chart and control, all is not lost....until one decides to take a defeatist attitude towards it.  I know...cos while it is extremely frustrating when things do not go your way, it gets even tougher when you wonder with a 'why me?' attitude when things go awry.

I somehow thank God for my experience in having dealt with young people these past years.  It has now helped me, in many ways, in my own painful experience in helping my girl deal with her conditions.  I hope that as we go through this challenging time together, what I have learnt will slowly get her back on her feet.

Self-doubt and other forms of insecurities are powerful sources of negativity.  It gets to the heart , mind and soul of a person...and sometimes, I cannot help but get sucked into the force field.  I am not complaining...but to pull another person out of the doldrums take up a lot of energy and effort...a lot of self-control and good sense...Like her, there are days when it really seems that giving up is the easiest way out.

How do you answer questions...when you yourself do not have answers?
How do you control emotions of pain, hurt and anger...when you yourself get to the point of letting go?
How do you stay calm and give support...when you feel so alone?

I have seen the power of negativity...
To some people, it is the shield that protects....protects from hope, happiness and love.
Those who have been hurt before are not likely to trust easily...and prefer to dwell in either misery or hate...so that nothing can seemingly touch them.
It is much easier to hate, than to love....
It is seemingly better to wallow in self-pity, than rise up in search of 'true happiness'.

I am at the crossroads...and I have chosen the path that I want to take from now on.
I am choosing to fight on...for the many good things which I feel can still happen.
I choose to give up certain things...but not because I have to sacrifice them...but because I want to.

and when there are days....when things sink low, and when my courage is spent, and my spirit is drained, I choose to keep on trying.

Dear God,
You know best...I am but a humble servant
Let me not give up...and don't ever give up on me.
Ameen