You're Ok...we are ok....

This entry is for you...whose 'outpourings' lately reflect your current state of mind. It occilates, swings from one random thought to another, and you constantly find yourself making contradicting statements.  But hey, let me assure you that you are not losing it - that what you are going through - is actually normal.

I feel for you, and I understand....trust me, I have been through it too before.  You have suffered a loss - but that loss does not necessary mean just the physical being.  When that person is gone, you lost many other things too - a sense of belonging, warm memories, your ideals and of course, love. It has hit you to the very core because you have lost a large part of yourself. 

So, it is ok to feel the things you are feeling right now - the whole gamut of emotions - and it is ok to find yourself doing 'crazy' things.  You are one of the sanest and most grounded person I know...and while you find yourself unravelling, your innate values will somehow anchor you...you will not completely drift away.

When we first suffer a loss, it is ok to grieve....to feel so sad that it seems that your whole world has fallen apart. At the beginning, there was a sense of incurable misery...so much so that you would have wished that the world would stop...or that you simply wanted to be away from everyone and everything...so that the pain would stop.

Then I saw the anger and disbelief seeping in.  You could not understand what had taken place. It seemed incredulous right...why had that person left?...what had gone wrong? What was that person thinking? You felt that you had done everything right...and yet life dealt you a cruel blow.

You went into another part of the cycle...you became a little desperate...thinking of 'quick-fix' solutions trying to make up for your loss. You tried to convince yourself that there are better things out there, only to swing back into desolation. You yo-yoed between feeling high and low, and it left you tired, weary and I guess, more confused than ever.

The next stage you tried was to block off all emotions...You tried to focus on something else, channelling all your energies there....But in truth, the hurt, the pain, the misery has not gone away.

Yet I sense that you are a lot 'calmer' now...cos there is now a growing dulled sense of acceptance that you can change things back to what they were....

You know, you are slowing moving on.  You are picking yourself up, and though there are times you will falter and stumble, you are on the way to healing.  But I want to remind you of one thing...emotional healing will take time...there must be acceptance, and forgiveness...If you can't forgive the other person yet, learn to forgive yourself. It was never your fault in the first place.

Take care, dear child.
I know you will grow stronger from this experience.
All the best.