Bedside manner....Attitude matters

Lately, I have been in and out of hospitals quite a bit.
Never mind the reasons...but I have a lot of takeaways from my visits.

I realise that it takes more than just good brains and aptitude to be in the medical profession.
It is in a way a lot like teaching...good grades will not translate into whether or not you will do well in what you do.  Both jobs are service-related, and you need to be able to relate to and connect with people.
People put their faith in you somehow, and you need to 'deliver' .

Doctor A is a senior consultant and is regarded as an expert in her field.  But from day 1, she has never failed to let me down that I begin to have doubts about her.  She is the now dealing with Iffah, but rarely does she take the trouble to find the root source of the problem.  She forgets facts and little details, and if I do not probe and ask, I would be left wondering the reliability of her prognosis.  Granted, there is no physical examination done, but I really feel that she is not interested in her patients.  The last visit left me very unsettled.  I told her that fasting month was coming so I need to move the next appointment a llittle longer.  This was her reply." Oh fasting month...But your girl is on medication...don't make her fast. I am sure your god will understand.  If he does not understand, I don't know what to say.."

Enough said...If Iffah does not show any improvement, I will find a new doctor.  This one fails miserably.

My regular doctor was away when I came to seek treatment for my hand.  After a painful night, I was sleep-deprived and in much need of relief.  The young man who was on locum, glanced at me, and then back to my medical records which apparently have been uploaded on the computer.  3 minutes was all it took.  He did not even do a medical examination.  He did not look at me again.  He said," Oh...this old problem.  Maybe this is age. You need an mc?"....I left, (with 7different medications...some are steroids, I was told)...and wondering if I ever want to walk into the clinic again.

What happened to good beside manner?
I thought the rigid selection to get into the medical profession locally requires one to have an empathetic side?

I wonder...
(but at least, in the medical field, one has a wider choice...one can change doctors if necessary. But in education, which is a public service...if the teacher is distant, and does not connect with the students, it is not easy to change)

Out of sync, out of sorts...

I feel frazzled today.
It is like some internal wiring has short-circuited somewhere, and because of that, the brain is unable to take its usual command over the rest of the body. Or, is it that the limbs are rebelling against the wishes of the brain? Haha...even the mouth lags at least 5 seconds behind.

Root cause?
Er...I don't think I am in this mental fog because of any kind of medication.
Chocolate overdose? Nah....the I need the serotonin.
(See...I can't even think)

I think my current condition is best described by the following conversation that is taking place right now.

Head: What am I supposed to do? What am I thinking? Er...excuse me...why are you writing?
Eyes: Hello...I am at the point of shutting down.  This old woman is so vain...where the hell are the glasses? Can she finally admit that she cannot see?
Ears:  Excuse me...the rest of you can keep quiet or not?  We are trying to listen to the given instructions.  The brain already one kind one today...hey wake up...up there, anyone home?  This is important you know...the VP is talking to her.
Head: Why are you guys quarlling...quarelking...what on earth is that word? Whoa...why is I so head-light?
Heart: Pump the blood...pump the blood.  Eh...watch the pressure...Relaz people...she can't get excited.
Mouth: O......K....u-n-d-e-s-t-a-n-d. Work. Deadline.Tomorrow. Right.
Feet:  People...the only place I will walk to now is home!
Kidneys: Hey...brain...can you tell her to at least go to the toilet now? Yes, right now? Before I send all this toxic waste up to where you reside!
Head: I need to think...what am I supposed to remember?
Stomach: Feed me! Feed me! I have not eaten anything except chocolates the whole day!
Eyes: I don't care.  Shut down...shut down.
Head:  .....
Mouth: (aloud) 5 seconds lag: What am I supposed to remember?

Adibah: Slaps head....Hey...it's my 19th wedding anniversary today!


You catch the drift. I will try to listen to every single part of the body.
1st stop: toilet
2nd stop: eat
Finally ...will pack up and leave.

Head: "wait...wait...look at that pile of unfinished work! Don't you dare!"
Rest of the body: "Shut up and go home."

Enough said...I am going home.

Filial Piety - is it a right?

This year, as part of its 'for family' campaigns, MCYS produced a commercial entitled "Filial Piety"...unlike its predecessors of the single father who tried his best to raise his daughter, or the moving yet endearing amusing eulogy of the wife in a mixed marriage, this latest one opened up a can of worms.

Intially, it seemed simple enough....a man who 'gives back' to his mother in her greying years.
But at what cost?
Hurting his wife, and from the perspective of the grandchild, the father must have been callous and unfair to side the grumpy (and seemingly ungrateful) old woman over his self-sacrificing wife.  What values then does he teach his son in return?...an impressionable teen who is not so sure that the old lady deserves such loving treatment when she apparently does not deserve it.

Of course, at a deeper level, some detractors have made snide remarks about the subtle 'brainwashing' of how people should view our government...and that this is another attempt to make the 'current generation' accept their responsibilities about looking after the elderly (ya.ya...ageing population and so on...)

Maybe...what went wrong was the 'stereotype characters'...filial, devoted son, senile, grumpy matriach, stoic, ill-suffering daughter-in-law, and the angsty, misunderstood grandson.  Nope, love conquers all does not sit too well in this family.

I do not need an advertisment to remind me about filial piety, or responsibilities.
It is a choice for many people today, I understand, whether or not they want to look after their parents; especially if the bond between parent and child is not there in the first place. I am not going to question their decisions, or pass judgements.

My late grandma, Nenek was not the easiest person to get along with.  She was not openly affectionate, and I suppose that raising her 10 kids made her busy.  But she obviously had favourites, and there were times, in her later years, that friction arose among the siblings as whose responsibility it was to look after her.  But, she was never without a home...and yes, I did wonder sometimes, why was it that my aunts and uncles (and their spouses) were giving up a lot to make her happy.

Then there were Nek Tor and Tok Hamid...two of the most loving parents ever.
The challenge then for my godma and her siblings was when tragically, the couple were stuck with Parkinson's and Alzheimers.
It takes a lot from the caregivers to look after aged, sickly parents...but never did I once hear complaints or grumbles.  They simply took it upon themselves to make their parents remaining years...as comfortable and happy as they could. They did it because they wanted to, not because they have to.

My parents too are getting on in age.
Alhamdulillah, so far they are still healthy...though I tend to worry.
Mak,,,,well, now, is displaying some of Nenek's characteristics. She can be moody, temperamental, and tend to say hurtful things unintentionally.  My own kids wonder about the change in her, and try their best to avoid her 'naggings'.

But when they need me, will I be able to shoulder that responsibility?
I pray to God for strength that I will...again, unconditionally.
It is not because of I am duty-bound, but because I choose to do so when the time comes.

And if I am old and weary...I will not want to bind my children to any obligation.
Love is unconditional...you need not be beholden by it.
If my kids do not see it as necessary, let it be.
If they do, then I am blessed.
I pray that I will be a good role model to my kids.
Or...that I may go early...and never be a burden to anyone.

Being Critical...and the fine art of critical thinking

Last Thursday evening, after the orals were done, I crawled back (hmmm...been doing a lot of crawling lately) to the meeting room.  This was one meeting that cannot be missed. You see, we had guests that afternoon; several high-ranking educators from other institutions, who would sit in for a few hours and assess us individually as we conducted our meeting. 

You would imagine the amount of 'role-playing' that could have taken place in that room.  But true to the spirit, my friends and colleagues were not out there to 'out-do' each other.  We closed ranks, and rallied behind one another, unafraid to show our true selves. ( I salute you my friends).  We may not be openly vocal, there were no power-hungry individuals who decided that this would be the best moment to shine.

My sleepy, weary mind was jolted when the esteemed school leaders invited us for an open dialogue.  Prior to the meeting, we were given an article to read : "Critical Thinking and the Asian schools." It was not an academic paper; just a commentary in a foreign newspaper about how schools in Asia is coping with this challenge.

You know, here was were the irony unfolded.  I wonder how prepared the facilitators were to handle the intellectual discussion that ensued...cos , the more the topic was discussed, the more boxed in I felt...and it went against the spirit of what critical thinking is all about.

Without a doubt, schools must 'teach' critical thinking skills...MOE has long identified it as a necessary 21st century skill ; to prepare one for the unknown challenges of the so-called globalisation and new economy.  We see the various efforts made at the various levels.

But we take a step back...and question.
How much do the real implementors...the teachers and its fraternity, truly understand the meaning of critical thinking, and its underpinnings? How prepared are we not only to deliver the content knowledge, but nurture that hunger for mental curiosity and discovery?

The gaps are obvious.
For one, teachers are the products of the 20th century-kind of education system, and yet made to bear this great responsibility.  Add the pace of technology , and all its mind-boggling complexities, it is clear that the teachers themselves are in dire need to a greater paradigm shift than their charges.  And what holds us back sometimes? 2 things....FEAR and CHANGE...we are so afraid of challenges.

Obviously, this topic is too wide to be discussed in just one entry alone here.
But this is my first takeaway from that discussion...where we spoke sincerely (and critically) about the challenges ahead.

Critical thinking does not necessarily equates itself to raising a new generation of people who will be questioning just for the sake of questioning....It does not mean developing the minds to be rebellious.  There is an apparent fear that being critical means having to criticise negatively to what is presented to the individual.

The end goals of critical thinking is to have individuals who will be able to be flexible and respond well to challenges. He is able to think through carefully, suspend his own judgements, accept and listen to the views of others, give critiques based on facts and make rational decisions...all for the greater good of the community.  He is able to analyse things at the micro level, without losing sight of the bigger picture....and of course, being anchored not only by 'the god of reason', but also by universal values that are good.

That...is worth thinking critically about.
How prepared am I for this?

When the other shoe dropped...

A day of reckoning...
Isn't life strange?  You can have the best laid plans, the most careful strategies rehearsed in your mind, but when it comes to the execution, you wonder how much hand you actually have in deciding your fate. Afterall, He knows best.

Anyway, I think I can exhale..
I have finally walked up to (more like crawled to) the office, and told them of my intentions/
I relinquish my position by the end of the year. There....done....

I had thought I would be doing cartwheels and backflips when I was  able to do that.
Over and over in my mind, I had envisioned myself thumping my fists in the air, in joy.
But as I sat there, I felt hollow; very much like a deflated balloon.
I am sure I have made the right decision, but ....

......   ......   .....

On a different topic.
Is it ever written somewhere , in black and white, the things a mother ought or ought not to do?
Or what falls within the realm of motherly duties, and what does not?
Let me put one thing straight....
A mother...
reacts instinctively...rationally...
governed and motivated
by an unconditional love for her child.....

"Dreams" - for reflection

Hold fast to dreams


For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
               - Langston Hughes -

How do you go about defining dreams?
Is it a vision, a goal with a definite target in mind?
Or is it some fuzzy, feel-good feeling wrapped around ideals?

A dream, to me, is the fuel that drives my internal engine.
With it comes hope, motivation, and desire.

But the reality is...as human beings,
We get dragged down by our past hurt and experiences,
We cannot let go of the past and we want to guard against future disappointments.

I do ask if my dream is truly mine sometimes.
Or am I living the dream for the sake of someone else. I know that unless there is shared ownership of that someone else's expectations, I will forever be shackled; letting down both the other person, and myself.
A dream is best mine...

Yes, dreams do 'die'...but only if we let it be so.
The odds, circumstances, inaptitude, luck...we find reasons to blame why we no longer pursue our deepest longings.  But in the end, we know that it is us...because we let go, and give up.

Can dreams change?
Yes they can, they do, and they will.
Can dreams die?
...it is up to you.

No ands,ifs or buts...
If you do not hold on to your dreams...
You will break....


"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world." - Joel Barker

Air dicincang tak akan putus..

Literally translated, the phrase means, "Water, even when chopped with an axe will not break/split."
That is a Malay proverb that deals with family ties.
Very often, no matter how bad the relationships may sour, somehow, blood ties will prevail.

The past two months have been a time for family...
to meet new challenges, to mend frail ties, to welcome new kin and also to celebrate, and at the same time cry. It is also a time where we put aside differences, and embrace each other's individuality.
Above all, it reminds me that family, kith and kin, are important.

We celebrate...
with weddings and births....
I would like to think of how the family has expanded.  I feel that nenek would have loved to have seen these moments when her clan are drawn together.
I saw in my cousin's Dinah's eyes...the elation of a new-bride. I am sure that her late mother would have finally approved.  Twenty-years ago, she had sacrifced her own happiness, for her mother, worried that she would 'lose' her daughter, had disapproved of the relationship. But 'kalau dah jodoh, tak kan ke mana.' Who would have thought that now, he reappeared in her life. This time round, the blessings flowed readily.

My cousin Azhari flew down from Melbourne.  He has migrated to Australia, and that had brought a lot of heartache for his mother and sister.  But the news of Kak Ani's illness brought him back on the first flight home...to ensure that he puts things in order.  He does not shirk around from his responsibilities. And what a pleasure it was for me, to have been able to 'steal him away' for a short while:- this cousin who is as close as a brother to me. I miss him...

More weddings...
I watch with mixed feelings at the rows of my aunts and uncles who are getting on with age.
Why does it seem that with each rare gathering, we realise that there is someone missing...a loved one who has passed on?
Yes, the younger generation is there, but will they ever be able to build such strong bonds like that of their parents, or grandparents? Perhaps, there is always hope...as I introduce my children to the myriads of second and third cousins...I can hope and pray...

No family is without secrets, no family is picture perfect.
We have our fair share of black sheep, and skeletons in the cupboards.
I may have my ups and downs with them.
But I am assured, when it comes to the crux of the matter, my family....will rally around me.
In sickness and in health
In good and bad....
Allah, watch over the people I call family...I love them so.

Living with the choices you make

It's over....
The months we had spent preparing for EV came to a peak last week, and this weekend, I could breathe a little better..
Or so I thought.

True to their words, the EV team did not really come with the intention of fault finding.
But during the course of the 3 days,being interviewed by the different people with varying styles, the flaws in our systems became more than glaring.  At one point, when the session turned out to be more of a tutorial session for us, it was apparent that we are below par....and that the members of the E, in a way, felt sorry for us.

Maybe that is my interpretation...
We are nowhere near our vision...something we need to reflect. Are they too lofty in the first place?
Maybe not..but it will have to take a lot of rethinking . Perhaps it was not clear in the first place.
Whatever it is, there is really a lot of work to be done.

I hate this actually.
Instead of being able to sleep once EV is over, why am I kept awake at night worrying about what needs to be done?
I have made up my mind...give up the position.
Can't I make a decision, without having to feel guilty about it?

Please, I can no longer put my job before my family. I simply can't.
and if the school cannot accept that...even if it means my resignation...
then , I will.

On another note...
Please child, don't open up your heart to me...
I am afraid...I cannot cope.
I am not the one to help you.

Lessons from the World Cup.

For most part of the past month, I did not have a good night's rest...thanks to the World Cup fever.
Now, I am past the age of being soccer crazy, for I had more than my fill in my salad days. The men in my house have taken sides on which teams to root for, and have gone to a point to make everyone in the family choose their favoured teams.  I was left with many of the 'default' sides...but to my amazement, at least 4 moved on to the quarterfinals...but then, that is a different story.

The matches are played at an unearthly hour, and I am in no mood to be awakened by frantic yells of 'Gooooal'. Nor do I appreciate the amount of expletives exploded for the missed opportunities.  But my biggest bugbear today must be the vuvuzela...that 'thingy' which I deem fit for the pipe-pipers of dengue mosquitoes.  The endless, mindless drone buzz incessantly in my head, and because I have always been tuned in to the slightest sounds, lets say it has been hard to even get a wink of rest. The result?....ggggrrrrr!

But when I am in one of my saner moods, I do try to reflect about the things I learnt.
a) There is something about men and balls (ooops...that sounds so wrong! Sorry)

No, lets make comparisons with teaching.
From the Pepsi ad:
a)  As the players get closer to the target...the goal posts get shifted.  Have I, as a teacher, done that to my students? I know the aim is to keep pushing them to aim higher...yet even before they can actually score a goal, I make the posts more elusive?  Have I forgotten that many will get demoralised by it?

b) Stars do not make a team.
How the mighty fall fallen....Some of these stars earn more than many of the African nations annual GDP.  Inflated pockets and egos do not necessary be the ingredients to victory.  And it has been proven again and again, how tantrums, and diva-like behaviour are magnified at the World Cup. What has happened to the idea of team spirit and shared responsibilities?  There is no 'I' in team.

c) Hopes and dreams
Some of the teams were lifted by their never-ending dream of achieving success.  I have been impressed by the passion of the African teams, who, without the big names and sponsorship, gave their heart and soul into the games they played.  It is not so much about winning, but about trying to make their dream come true.  It is about the love for the game, played in the true spirit of sportsmanship, without the drama and theatrics.  I hope that my students will never lose sight of their goals. Yes, we will stumble along the way, but do not give up. Try and try again.

d) The coach.
He is the main playmaker...and somehow, the victory and defeat of the teams are attributed to him.  When a team wins, he is great.  When a team loses, the trend seems to be that he gets sacked.  Then, there are teams who mutineed, and go against his orders. The older players take the lead, and try to oust what they deem as an 'ineffective coach.'  And when a favoured team loses, the entire nation calls for an excution of the coach. His head must roll.

What is the point here?
I see that the coach is not much different than that of a teacher.  Sometimes, students wonder why we push them so hard, and 'make their lives miserable'.  It goes back to that word 'responsibility'.  A teacher is obligated to make sure the students do well.  It is not a matter about results alone...though in most cases, we know that a teacher's worth is measured by the academic success of her charges.  In terms of accountability, yes, our heads will roll when the performance is poor.

But then again...
What about other factors?
What about the condition of the pitch, the weather, short-sighted linesmen and refs?
What about distractions from the vuvuzelas?
What about the new unpredictable ball used?
What about the attitude of the players and team?
What about luck?

At the end, quantity seems to count...the team that scored the most goal in the match, wins.
The coach...his fate lies in that.
So is how an educator too, seems to be judged.  (If my team is not even in the major league, what does it say of me?)
Hmmmmmm......