Living with the choices you make

It's over....
The months we had spent preparing for EV came to a peak last week, and this weekend, I could breathe a little better..
Or so I thought.

True to their words, the EV team did not really come with the intention of fault finding.
But during the course of the 3 days,being interviewed by the different people with varying styles, the flaws in our systems became more than glaring.  At one point, when the session turned out to be more of a tutorial session for us, it was apparent that we are below par....and that the members of the E, in a way, felt sorry for us.

Maybe that is my interpretation...
We are nowhere near our vision...something we need to reflect. Are they too lofty in the first place?
Maybe not..but it will have to take a lot of rethinking . Perhaps it was not clear in the first place.
Whatever it is, there is really a lot of work to be done.

I hate this actually.
Instead of being able to sleep once EV is over, why am I kept awake at night worrying about what needs to be done?
I have made up my mind...give up the position.
Can't I make a decision, without having to feel guilty about it?

Please, I can no longer put my job before my family. I simply can't.
and if the school cannot accept that...even if it means my resignation...
then , I will.

On another note...
Please child, don't open up your heart to me...
I am afraid...I cannot cope.
I am not the one to help you.