Growing Up

Growing Up...
(Where did the time go?)

I make it a habit to 'date' my children. When I was frantically trying to complete my Masters, there were many a time when I felt I had not given enough attention and time to them...It was bad already when I spent so much time (before the sun rises, and after the sun sets) at work, and this was added to the extra hours for evening classes, and even at home...reading and completing assignments.

So whenever possible, I snatch whatever time was available to connect with Zafran, Zarifah & Akmal, together, or individually. The moments we spend together eating and talking are very precious. If there is anything I have learnt over the years dealing with teens, it is that open communication is very important. I cherish the time when they tell me about many things under the sun...and that it is crucial that I get to know a little more about what's going on in their lives.

I know there will come a point when I have to let go of the apron strings. As it is now, they are all so involved with their own personal schedules...with schools, friends, and pursuing their own areas of interests. They grow so fast...

I come back to the point about 'dating'. I had the most 'interesting' conversation with Zafran last week.

Mind you, because he has such 'nosey' and easily excitable younger siblings, it is hard for him to keep secrets. But hey...I think as a mum,I know my son a little more than he even cares to think. The signs were there...a little dreamy...a little sheepish sometimes...a little goofy...(hey...Mama was young once too!)

I could have broken out into a 'freaked-to-the-max' mode...but instead, I held back. So far, I have been spared most of the heart-attack inducing teens' angsts and rebellion. I trust him, I am confident of him. I know that he will not jeopardise his exams just because he has stars in his eyes.

So with a little hesitation...and a little bit of prompting, he began to speak about his interest in an individual...(hi...if you are reading this, I hope you understand). He spoke about what a good friend she is, and how she has been a source of motivation. He assured me that I have no grounds to worry, "Please believe that you have raised me right". (Sob...sob...thank you)

Whoa...
I wonder if he realises that it was as tough for me to listen...as it was tough for him to talk to me. There were so many mixed emotions...and the internal alarm bells that were ringing incessantly in my head.

Sure, in the past, it has been easy to advise my other 'kids'...from K, A, M, B, F...and those who bring your partners to me for the 'first level screening"...It seemed to easy to say, "Go and be honest to your own mother...she will understand." I am now at the receiving end. Can I still remain rational and understanding?

These past few evenings, I have been repeatedly playing mental pictures of my little boy growing up...from the cute little baby, to the sweet-mannered child who gives me big hugs...Zafran in his uniform as he received his award...to the gangly teen he is now...From the child who will solemnly recite "I must never ride a motor-bike for my Mama will cry"...to "Er...can I learn how to fly a plane?"

Where did the time go? (Iffah & Akmal...don't grow up too fast ok?)

Much have been said about the bond between a mother and her sons...especially her first born. I do not think I have molly-coddled him, and made him a 'Mummy's Boy.". I do not indulge him, nor put him on a pedestal. I want him to be able to respect and treat every individual with respect and empathy. He will be able to think for himself. I put the faith of God in him, so that he will be anchored by values. I taught him to be independent, and stand on his own two feet, and also to take on responsibilities.

So why do I have such mixed feelings now? Do I feel threatened and insecure?
I do not really have an answer to that.
But I should be able to step back, and think of myself...and the way my parents raised me. I have been truly blessed, for having so many people to love, and who love me in return. Had my abah and mak been possessive, perhaps my growing up experiences would not have been so rich.

Some years ago, a very wise person told me of this paradox. If I think I have raised my child 'right'...then the faster the child will be able to spread his wings. ..and while I have the faith that he is ready...gosh...this is not going to be easy.

Well...it may seem like I am making a big deal out of this...but I trust my son to know that his priorities, and his goals. It is not as if I am letting go completely ...for there are still limits and boundaries.

But it is an exciting and interesting world out there waiting for him to discover and explore. He needs to find himself, and seek the direction he wants to take. And I hope he will always remember his roots, and there will always be people who care for him, and support him.

You are growing up, Zafran...
I trust you...I have faith in you.
Stay gold...
Let your inner compass direct you to seek what is best for you.
I love you.