Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones

Quixote is still on his quest...and today, he was trying to comprehend the idea of 'face'.

To us Asians, the concept of face is almost equivalent to the idea of dignity and pride. So it is hard when for us to accept criticisms, even constructive ones...said aloud it public.

The Malay community has two sayings...loosely translated, one is "Don't drop my water-face", and the other is "Don't smear charcoal on my face."...both speaks of how important it is to uphold one's good name and reputation.

So it never fails to amuse me when some kids these days get so riled up by 'he play my father's/mother's name.' They are willing to exchange insults, and trade blows because of this...name-wrangling game. It is as if the family pride...from generations long...are at stake , and no matter what, they have to win.

I told some of the kids this...
"Sticks and stones may break my bones...
But words will never harm me..."

It is an old rhyme...but something they have never heard about.
Name calling is something that has been happening for ages...some people maliciously insult others, goad, provoke, taunt with all kinds of nasty comments.

I know it is hard to stay resolute in the face of such actions. But sometimes, the best response...is not response at all. If you react, you are merely encouraging your tormentor who enjoys extracting such responses. That's how a bully get a sense of power.

I am not advocating violence...not do I support passivity. I think we have to think for ourselves...
Once when one of my children was taunted, I taught him this refrain..."Thank you for your feedback...I'll keep it in mind...if I have to."..and walk away.

One of my worst experiences was to have a child release a tirade of colourful expletives in my face...First I was angry...but kept cool...and slowly, as he became more agitated, I started to pray under my breathe...but standing firmly on my ground.
He thought I was cursing him...and walked away, swearing ...and promptly bumped into a wall!

Words are powerful...words can cause a lot of hurt and damage....words can destroy self-esteem and self-belief...
Do not allow others to inflict such on you...

However...sticks and stones on the other hand...can be powerful too.
Which was the batch who dropped the bench on my toes before speech day?...OWWWWWW! Now THAT....really hurt.