The Greek philosopher Plato once asserted, " The first and the best victory is to conquer self". How often are we able to do this?
Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard to allow the mind to conquer the spirit, or even the other way round. When there are long and difficult days, why does it feel that it is so much easier to give up than push on? Or why is it that it feels so challenging to do what is right even when do you not feel like you want to do it.
I am not schizophrenic...nor am I delusional.
Yet time and time again, it feels strange when the brain and the heart do not work in tandem with each other. I sometimes get this surreal experience when I can 'hear' the two parts having a conversation with each other.
Lets take a simple case: NTUC offers the tubs of Ben&Jerry's at a special price.
Heart: Yea! Yea! Go...go...get it...buy...buy.
Brain: Hey, excuse me...take a good look at what B&J has done to the body. Fat..Fat..
Heart: Hello...it's all in the stress factor ok? So what? She's married anyway...She
can afford to be rounded.
Brain: But you know she will consume it at one go...that's not good.
Heart: Look...when she needs to feel good...and if chocolate ice-cream is the
antidote, why do you want to stop her?
Brain: Hey...she consumes too much chocolate already lah. The highs and lows are
are like peaks and valleys.
Heart: If she is happy...we are happy?
Brain: Really ah...but if she gets sick...
Heart: I suffer first...oh no...
Brain: But...we do want her happy...
Heart: So how now?
I hope you get the point...Imagine going window shopping, and having all this internal conversation going on. I don't need to tell you who usually wins. Reason, compassion, logic, empathy all must be delicately balanced.
But seriously, on a higher level, this is really tough. While I may be able to present the most logical and rational thought processes, I still succumb. Where did the self-will and discipline go to?
There are so many other things going on in our lives where we need the moral courage and integrity to put things 'right'. But time and time again, because of challenges, because of self-doubts, because of circumstances...we throw in the towel...or worse this, allow apathy to set in.
Sir Edmund Hillary was once asked about how he made it to the top of Mount Everest. While he acknowledged the physical challenges, he remarked, "It is not the mountains we conquer, but overselves."
So I'm going back to the very basic things...self-discipline.
I need to re-learn to master myself first...
Wish me well.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I Remember....
Almost 20 years ago, a naive, yet eager young teacher opened up an offical letter she received which told her of where she would be posted. She had been lucky to be educated in fairly 'good schools', and thus, was ready to set forth to reciprocate and 'mould the minds of the future.' When she read the name of the institution, she had to sit down. Could she ever survive?
Hahaha...
How fast 20 years seem to fly by.
And how I have spent 20 years in a place which is very much my second home...and through its gates, walked many of the children whom I have come to love, and call my own. Have I survived?
There were many times when I thought I could not, would not...but those moments of doubt will be weighed over by the little moments of triumph and joy of those whose lives crossed mine.
A group of people who have a special place in my life is the batch of kids I grew up with from 1989 - 1993. It was a time when I learned much more from my kids then I can ever teach them. It was then that my eyes opened to the harshness of the 'real world' that I have been shielded from.
I learned from my kids to play hard, to laugh, to cry...and to be resilient. When I adopted a 'holier-than-thou' attitude, they brought me down a peg or two. They taught me for to stand up for rights...and to do the things one belief in...they showed me how to believe. And they drilled into me that the one thing that would keep me going in my job...is to keep on loving the children...no matter how tough the going can be.
Yesterday, when I met up with some of them, I feel I have come to a full circle.
Sufian...my 'nemesis'...there was never a day that went by without us quarreling. We still can spar right?
Shulaila...sweet and gentle as ever.
Azman...you still drive me nuts...in a nice way yesterday
Huzaini...the maturity that I see and respect
Sylvia...who has developed into a strong and outgoing character
Chelsia...wow...the level of confidence is getting you places.
Bisme...what can I say? I take my hat off you...for your will to overcome and chase your dreams.
A special mention of dear, diligent Kenneth, whose idomitable spirit has made him a 'driver' with Singapore's major airline...Hahaha...Hold your head high...never let anyone tell you that it cannot be done.
and of course the many, many other individuals whom I managed to catch up with yesterday.
To the class of 93...thank you for being such a big part of my life.
You have made your mark...
Hahaha...
How fast 20 years seem to fly by.
And how I have spent 20 years in a place which is very much my second home...and through its gates, walked many of the children whom I have come to love, and call my own. Have I survived?
There were many times when I thought I could not, would not...but those moments of doubt will be weighed over by the little moments of triumph and joy of those whose lives crossed mine.
A group of people who have a special place in my life is the batch of kids I grew up with from 1989 - 1993. It was a time when I learned much more from my kids then I can ever teach them. It was then that my eyes opened to the harshness of the 'real world' that I have been shielded from.
I learned from my kids to play hard, to laugh, to cry...and to be resilient. When I adopted a 'holier-than-thou' attitude, they brought me down a peg or two. They taught me for to stand up for rights...and to do the things one belief in...they showed me how to believe. And they drilled into me that the one thing that would keep me going in my job...is to keep on loving the children...no matter how tough the going can be.
Yesterday, when I met up with some of them, I feel I have come to a full circle.
Sufian...my 'nemesis'...there was never a day that went by without us quarreling. We still can spar right?
Shulaila...sweet and gentle as ever.
Azman...you still drive me nuts...in a nice way yesterday
Huzaini...the maturity that I see and respect
Sylvia...who has developed into a strong and outgoing character
Chelsia...wow...the level of confidence is getting you places.
Bisme...what can I say? I take my hat off you...for your will to overcome and chase your dreams.
A special mention of dear, diligent Kenneth, whose idomitable spirit has made him a 'driver' with Singapore's major airline...Hahaha...Hold your head high...never let anyone tell you that it cannot be done.
and of course the many, many other individuals whom I managed to catch up with yesterday.
To the class of 93...thank you for being such a big part of my life.
You have made your mark...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Just One - A Moment in Memory
Here is my response to some of the tags in Facebook. I know I have shared "John's story" with most of you, it is truly something I will not be able to forget so easily.
“One life can make a difference: - it’s really up to you.” Those are the final lines of a poem entitled “Just One” which I find meaningful. As I ponder over them, I finally understood the impact of the phrase. If I could turn back the Hands of Time, I really would have gone the extra mile to make a difference.
John was a teacher’s dream. He greeted me with a cheery hello each morning, and wished me well at the end of the day. He was meticulous in his work, and was always immaculately dressed. He had a kind, gentle soul and his sensitivity was expressed through his creative artwork and his soulful renditions of classics when he tinkled on the keys of the school piano each afternoon.
As a young, inexperienced educator then, I tended to think that the well-behaved ones are able to hold out on their own. My energy and attention were reserved for those who see me as their arch nemesis.
“May I speak to you, please,” he asked one afternoon. The expression on his face was somber.
“Sure… Oh…I have a meeting…Can it wait?”
The eyes that met mine did not have its usual sparkle. A fleeting sense of unease struck me, but I dismissed it as him being stressed. The national exams were not too far away.
He nodded, and turned away wearily. From behind, it seemed as if the weight of the whole world were on his shoulders. I hesitated. Again the niggling feeling told me something was not right. I knew his friends had been giving him a hard time. They were always teasing him with names likes “Nerd” and “Geek”. But so far, John had never taken these to heart. He would just smile and join along.
I had lessons with the class, and made that wonderful announcement. John had scored a distinction in English in his preliminary examinations; the only one in class who had managed to do so. The reaction of the class was typical. Instead of cheering, they groaned and pulled funny faces.
John had laughed too, though the smile never quite reached his eyes. I had wanted to scold the class for being unsupportive and mean. But the child sat there smiling stoically through it all. I wanted then to say how proud I was of him, but my attention was distracted by someone else who was getting out of line.
The bell rang for the end of the day. A lone, tired figure approached the table while the rest scrambled out of the door towards freedom.
“Cher…thank you. “ The voice caught momentarily. I stared at him long and hard. Instinct told me that something was not quite right.
“Well done, John. I am proud of you,” I said.
He shrugged. “It does not matter. I do not make a difference,” and with that, he left the class. The words rang in my ears, but before I could ask him what he meant, I had to run for my meeting. I could not forget those words.
John did not come back the next day…In fact, he never came back at all. He ended his young life, and left me with many unanswered questions.
I wish I had taken the trouble to speak to him, I wish I had listened; I wish I had scolded the class. If only I had cared enough, if only I had given him the time. I can keep on wishing a million times, but I know I will never see the serene smile again. It seems that a moment of folly may never undo a lifetime of regret.
However, if there is one thing I have learnt, it is that every child matters, and every child makes a difference. It is up to me to make that difference.
Dear God, today I say a pray for John...and all the other Johns out there in the world.
“One life can make a difference: - it’s really up to you.” Those are the final lines of a poem entitled “Just One” which I find meaningful. As I ponder over them, I finally understood the impact of the phrase. If I could turn back the Hands of Time, I really would have gone the extra mile to make a difference.
John was a teacher’s dream. He greeted me with a cheery hello each morning, and wished me well at the end of the day. He was meticulous in his work, and was always immaculately dressed. He had a kind, gentle soul and his sensitivity was expressed through his creative artwork and his soulful renditions of classics when he tinkled on the keys of the school piano each afternoon.
As a young, inexperienced educator then, I tended to think that the well-behaved ones are able to hold out on their own. My energy and attention were reserved for those who see me as their arch nemesis.
“May I speak to you, please,” he asked one afternoon. The expression on his face was somber.
“Sure… Oh…I have a meeting…Can it wait?”
The eyes that met mine did not have its usual sparkle. A fleeting sense of unease struck me, but I dismissed it as him being stressed. The national exams were not too far away.
He nodded, and turned away wearily. From behind, it seemed as if the weight of the whole world were on his shoulders. I hesitated. Again the niggling feeling told me something was not right. I knew his friends had been giving him a hard time. They were always teasing him with names likes “Nerd” and “Geek”. But so far, John had never taken these to heart. He would just smile and join along.
I had lessons with the class, and made that wonderful announcement. John had scored a distinction in English in his preliminary examinations; the only one in class who had managed to do so. The reaction of the class was typical. Instead of cheering, they groaned and pulled funny faces.
John had laughed too, though the smile never quite reached his eyes. I had wanted to scold the class for being unsupportive and mean. But the child sat there smiling stoically through it all. I wanted then to say how proud I was of him, but my attention was distracted by someone else who was getting out of line.
The bell rang for the end of the day. A lone, tired figure approached the table while the rest scrambled out of the door towards freedom.
“Cher…thank you. “ The voice caught momentarily. I stared at him long and hard. Instinct told me that something was not quite right.
“Well done, John. I am proud of you,” I said.
He shrugged. “It does not matter. I do not make a difference,” and with that, he left the class. The words rang in my ears, but before I could ask him what he meant, I had to run for my meeting. I could not forget those words.
John did not come back the next day…In fact, he never came back at all. He ended his young life, and left me with many unanswered questions.
I wish I had taken the trouble to speak to him, I wish I had listened; I wish I had scolded the class. If only I had cared enough, if only I had given him the time. I can keep on wishing a million times, but I know I will never see the serene smile again. It seems that a moment of folly may never undo a lifetime of regret.
However, if there is one thing I have learnt, it is that every child matters, and every child makes a difference. It is up to me to make that difference.
Dear God, today I say a pray for John...and all the other Johns out there in the world.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Life Scripts
I read something today which fascinates me. In the area of transactional analysis, Eric Berne claims that people 'are born in inately healthy, but develope patterns early in life based on negative or positive influences around them.' This patterns are called life scripts.
We know of the debate of nature vs nurture. This is a case in point for the case of how the environment we are expose to govern the way we behave. It seems that from an early age, we fall into a role that is played in our family's day-to-day lives. Once this role is decided, we spend the rest of our lives playing it all. Those whose early years are negative..will play out their lives less than happy; unless one make a conscious decision and effort to change.
Does it not go back to choice, attitude and responsiblility of an individual?
Our life scripts, I feel, does not really have to determine how our life should unfold...whether good or bad.
Yes, there may be many times when I reflect about my own life.
Did I really join the teaching service because 'it was in the genes'? That because there are more than 15 of the family in the profession, that I went along too?
Nope...I am clear on why I wanted to teach then.
However, now I can take a step back and ask if I want to do something else...there is no need to just play out a script, without reflecting and pondering when there are uncertainties within you.
Life is always evolving and changing. Life is not static...but life is transcient. Seize whatever opportunities we have to make changes, and be flexible and adaptable to changes.
Remember, life scripts that be changed - for improvements, and to meet new challenges. Let us, and not others, be the one who pens our own story...of a life well-lived.
We know of the debate of nature vs nurture. This is a case in point for the case of how the environment we are expose to govern the way we behave. It seems that from an early age, we fall into a role that is played in our family's day-to-day lives. Once this role is decided, we spend the rest of our lives playing it all. Those whose early years are negative..will play out their lives less than happy; unless one make a conscious decision and effort to change.
Does it not go back to choice, attitude and responsiblility of an individual?
Our life scripts, I feel, does not really have to determine how our life should unfold...whether good or bad.
Yes, there may be many times when I reflect about my own life.
Did I really join the teaching service because 'it was in the genes'? That because there are more than 15 of the family in the profession, that I went along too?
Nope...I am clear on why I wanted to teach then.
However, now I can take a step back and ask if I want to do something else...there is no need to just play out a script, without reflecting and pondering when there are uncertainties within you.
Life is always evolving and changing. Life is not static...but life is transcient. Seize whatever opportunities we have to make changes, and be flexible and adaptable to changes.
Remember, life scripts that be changed - for improvements, and to meet new challenges. Let us, and not others, be the one who pens our own story...of a life well-lived.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Of Atttitudes and Aptitudes
It has been an eventful week; with so many things that happened. Maybe with the onset of the full moon, and the alignment of the things in the solar system, this triggers some of 'natural, innate desire' to do things which are simply beyond reason...like how wolves and wild dogs howl at the moon...hahaha.
If only such logic holds water.
We sometimes tread a fine line between reality and illusion; and choose what we ourselves want to believe. This is part of our makeup.
Recently, I have been asking the young minds about how ready they are to go for 'war'. Few, so far, understood the significance of the analogy, and even fewer have bothered to want to apply this to their current situation.
'Wars' can be waged at many levels. (Hahaha...perhaps the total defence campaigns need to be re-looked). One of the crucial aspects of the 'war' the kids are going to embark, is waged in their minds.
While I can teach and equip them with 'physical, practical knowledge' to face the enemy at the end of the year, the challenge is to prepare both their hearts and minds at the same time. Many wage internal battles as they face obstacles along the way...and sadly, at this stage, are not even ready to believe that they can overcome.
I believe that one of the hardest things to do, is to be your own best friend...sometimes, the biggest enemy lies within ourselves. Those who are realistic and pragmatic often point out that I cannot expect too much; that one's aptitude sets the ceiling to what one is able to do. I fully understand that.
The current reality may seem to be that because society has segregated people based on their abilities and talents, we have allowed ourselves to be judged simply based on those criterion. We chain ourselves to this perception.
Yet, time and time again, we know of how the human spirit is capable of far greater things when the right attitude prevails. Armed with a positive outlook, a winner's mindset, and a heavy dose of resilience and courage...the impossible can really become possible.
I am not talking about one dreaming of becoming superheroes who leap off tall buildings and owning extra-ordinary powers. I just hope that my charges will keep on believing in themselves, and pushing and testing themselves beyond the limits that they think they are capable of.
Alas, maybe, complacency has set in.
Many are not 'hungry' enough to want to win.
Many still believe 'this is me...I can only do so much.'
And in an age of instant gratification, they may not have the patience to just keep on trying again, and again, and again...till they emerge victorious.
We all know how easy it is to find reasons (and excuses).
"I am not good/clever/intelligent/smart/strong/fast.....enough."
Worse still, there are others who say, "luck was not on my side".
Then, if this it the way most feel, then even people like Einstein (who was a school drop out), and Edison (who failed thousands of times before his bulb lit up literally) would not have made a greaat impact to the world.
God, keep me rooted to the ground, while I keep my eyes to the sky.
As a man, I am not born to physically fly, but as long as my spirit does, I know I can go anyway.
If only such logic holds water.
We sometimes tread a fine line between reality and illusion; and choose what we ourselves want to believe. This is part of our makeup.
Recently, I have been asking the young minds about how ready they are to go for 'war'. Few, so far, understood the significance of the analogy, and even fewer have bothered to want to apply this to their current situation.
'Wars' can be waged at many levels. (Hahaha...perhaps the total defence campaigns need to be re-looked). One of the crucial aspects of the 'war' the kids are going to embark, is waged in their minds.
While I can teach and equip them with 'physical, practical knowledge' to face the enemy at the end of the year, the challenge is to prepare both their hearts and minds at the same time. Many wage internal battles as they face obstacles along the way...and sadly, at this stage, are not even ready to believe that they can overcome.
I believe that one of the hardest things to do, is to be your own best friend...sometimes, the biggest enemy lies within ourselves. Those who are realistic and pragmatic often point out that I cannot expect too much; that one's aptitude sets the ceiling to what one is able to do. I fully understand that.
The current reality may seem to be that because society has segregated people based on their abilities and talents, we have allowed ourselves to be judged simply based on those criterion. We chain ourselves to this perception.
Yet, time and time again, we know of how the human spirit is capable of far greater things when the right attitude prevails. Armed with a positive outlook, a winner's mindset, and a heavy dose of resilience and courage...the impossible can really become possible.
I am not talking about one dreaming of becoming superheroes who leap off tall buildings and owning extra-ordinary powers. I just hope that my charges will keep on believing in themselves, and pushing and testing themselves beyond the limits that they think they are capable of.
Alas, maybe, complacency has set in.
Many are not 'hungry' enough to want to win.
Many still believe 'this is me...I can only do so much.'
And in an age of instant gratification, they may not have the patience to just keep on trying again, and again, and again...till they emerge victorious.
We all know how easy it is to find reasons (and excuses).
"I am not good/clever/intelligent/smart/strong/fast.....enough."
Worse still, there are others who say, "luck was not on my side".
Then, if this it the way most feel, then even people like Einstein (who was a school drop out), and Edison (who failed thousands of times before his bulb lit up literally) would not have made a greaat impact to the world.
God, keep me rooted to the ground, while I keep my eyes to the sky.
As a man, I am not born to physically fly, but as long as my spirit does, I know I can go anyway.
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Uniform in Blue
Today, someone walked into the room and plonked himself in the chair next to mine. Actually, for a period of time, I had gotten use to his presence - someone whom I can talk to about many things under the sun. His earnest nature, and quick thinking make him a good person to bounce ideas with, and his responses were often sensible and logical.
Those around me found his presence equally comforting. Unknown to him, he was a symbol of all the things we hope to achieve when we mould our charges. Yes, he is rooted, but we felt we could share a minute percentage of the credit as to how he has turned out.
Today, he came back because of a promise made.
He had once told me that he would not want to return if all his dreams and goals cannot be achieved. At one point, it looked as if this was the current reality.
Not all hopes are lost though.
He walked through the gates...with the uniform in blue - and was true to his first promise.
In that uniform, I sense the transformation.
There was more life and vitality in his voice, and a renewed vigor to face all challenges.
He was different, and yet the same...
I am proud of you.
Those around me found his presence equally comforting. Unknown to him, he was a symbol of all the things we hope to achieve when we mould our charges. Yes, he is rooted, but we felt we could share a minute percentage of the credit as to how he has turned out.
Today, he came back because of a promise made.
He had once told me that he would not want to return if all his dreams and goals cannot be achieved. At one point, it looked as if this was the current reality.
Not all hopes are lost though.
He walked through the gates...with the uniform in blue - and was true to his first promise.
In that uniform, I sense the transformation.
There was more life and vitality in his voice, and a renewed vigor to face all challenges.
He was different, and yet the same...
I am proud of you.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Indispensable Man - by S.W.Kessinger
Sometimes when you're feeling important;
Sometimes when your ego's in bloom
Sometimes when you take it for granted
You're the best qualified in the room,
Sometimes when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how they humble your soul;
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to your wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remainig
Is a measure of how you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself, but remember,
There is no indispensable man!
Oh wow...
This is a reminder to myself that sometimes, when we think we get so good at something, no one else can ever replace us. In reality, there is really no such thing as being the BEST PERSON EVER for the job. Life is not static, it keeps on evolving, and thus we should not simply lie on our laurels and live in glories of the past.
Life is fleeting...Life is short.
But until the end of time, it means that we have to constantly give our best...and keep moving on.
For the past few days, I know I have been whining. It seems to contradict all the things which I have said I ought to be grateful for.
So again here is a time for a quick self-reflection:
While I do not deserve to bear the brunt of the outburst, has there been times when I felt appreciated ?
Has there been times when the turnaround in the child's behaviour made me feel useful?
Let he, who is free from all sins, be the first to throw stones at others.
Unfortunately, I am not free from flaws and shortcomings.
I will move on.
God...I pray for wisdom and a clarity of heart. Ameen
Sometimes when your ego's in bloom
Sometimes when you take it for granted
You're the best qualified in the room,
Sometimes when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how they humble your soul;
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to your wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remainig
Is a measure of how you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself, but remember,
There is no indispensable man!
Oh wow...
This is a reminder to myself that sometimes, when we think we get so good at something, no one else can ever replace us. In reality, there is really no such thing as being the BEST PERSON EVER for the job. Life is not static, it keeps on evolving, and thus we should not simply lie on our laurels and live in glories of the past.
Life is fleeting...Life is short.
But until the end of time, it means that we have to constantly give our best...and keep moving on.
For the past few days, I know I have been whining. It seems to contradict all the things which I have said I ought to be grateful for.
So again here is a time for a quick self-reflection:
While I do not deserve to bear the brunt of the outburst, has there been times when I felt appreciated ?
Has there been times when the turnaround in the child's behaviour made me feel useful?
Let he, who is free from all sins, be the first to throw stones at others.
Unfortunately, I am not free from flaws and shortcomings.
I will move on.
God...I pray for wisdom and a clarity of heart. Ameen
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Other Side of the Table
Do you know what it is like to be on the other side of the table?
When each day, we wake up and know that the responsibilities lie heavy on our shoulders?
When the nature of the things we do means having to be consciously aware of the moral and ethical obligations we bear?
Where we find our values being questioned?
Sometimes I wonder if I am in the right job...
or perhaps...how long more I can go on doing the things I do.
Sigh.
I guess the trouble now lie in the fact that the values and unsettling feelings collide.
On the other side of the table I try to:
- to be true to the things I say
- be the responsible, thinking adult even though I clamp down my instincts to react
- make tough decisions even though I end up being the villain in the picture.
It's all a matter of perspectives...which I know they will learn one day.
In the meantime...I shall hold my breath...
God...give me strength.
When each day, we wake up and know that the responsibilities lie heavy on our shoulders?
When the nature of the things we do means having to be consciously aware of the moral and ethical obligations we bear?
Where we find our values being questioned?
Sometimes I wonder if I am in the right job...
or perhaps...how long more I can go on doing the things I do.
Sigh.
I guess the trouble now lie in the fact that the values and unsettling feelings collide.
On the other side of the table I try to:
- to be true to the things I say
- be the responsible, thinking adult even though I clamp down my instincts to react
- make tough decisions even though I end up being the villain in the picture.
It's all a matter of perspectives...which I know they will learn one day.
In the meantime...I shall hold my breath...
God...give me strength.
One of those days
As the mercury level rises, so does my blood pressure lately. The weather has been sizzling lately. The days seem long and lethargic, and the other thing that is short is my temper, and patience.
The humidity seem to have have an effect on the young individuals around the place I work. Sigh. Today, Murphy's Law worked overtime...when nothing went right.
A few of my 'comrades-in-arm' were already feeling under the weather. It is not just the physical exhaustion. If one was to dig deeper, we can find the root cause of the malaise that lingers.
It is tough...it is painstaking...it wears a person down.
When all that you try to do is met with resistance, and apathy. So much for the talk about the noble and intangible aspects of the job we do.
What happens when the passion and love for the work we do die? What is left to make us want to carry on? Do we deserve the ingratitude and insolence? What happens when the output of the effort comes to nought when the input has come with blood, sweat and tears?
I have not lost my bearings yet...but it feels as if the anchors I have had all these years have come loose...
Sigh...I should really be thinking this way...but it is really just one of those days.
The humidity seem to have have an effect on the young individuals around the place I work. Sigh. Today, Murphy's Law worked overtime...when nothing went right.
A few of my 'comrades-in-arm' were already feeling under the weather. It is not just the physical exhaustion. If one was to dig deeper, we can find the root cause of the malaise that lingers.
It is tough...it is painstaking...it wears a person down.
When all that you try to do is met with resistance, and apathy. So much for the talk about the noble and intangible aspects of the job we do.
What happens when the passion and love for the work we do die? What is left to make us want to carry on? Do we deserve the ingratitude and insolence? What happens when the output of the effort comes to nought when the input has come with blood, sweat and tears?
I have not lost my bearings yet...but it feels as if the anchors I have had all these years have come loose...
Sigh...I should really be thinking this way...but it is really just one of those days.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
That Child
My children are lucky...at least I think that so far, they have yet to experience real hardships. At most, they need to do the chores set out for them. They just need to keep their focus on their school work, and not worry about money. They still get their occasional treats.
But a message was driven home last Saturday evening. The grandparents came over for a visit, and it gave us the best excuse to have dinner outside. We went for a seafood dinner...cos I was craving (?!!) for crabs.
The person who helped to serve us was someone they know. It then struck them that there are some among their friends who were less privileged than they were. Suddenly, having the food before them took a deeper significance...that they cannot take what they have for granted.
For me, looking at that child left me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I say a prayer of thanks for the blessings that my family and I have. ..good life, good food and plenty to be thankful for.
But, there was a tinge of sadness, mixed with admiration.
His mother must be so proud of him...a responsible young man who knows that he needs to work to support the family. He has had that burden thrusted upon his shoulders; yet, he has taken it within his stride.
He has learnt to stand on his own two feet; his pride preventing him from relying solely on the compassion of others. Never have I heard a word of complaint pass through his lips; nary a harsh word about his fate.
His resilience is written all over his face. There is no shame in doing honest hard work. When I asked him about his well=being, he politely smiled. "We will survive. Don't you worry."
That Child...that dear, sweet child.
The Malays have a phrase for a such a child. "Sejuk perut Mak mengandung."...a child whose very presence is a blessing to the mother who carried and raised him.
Today, I am humbled by your graciousness, your determination, your strong sense of duty and your strength of character. Today, you are the teacher as I learn about cultivating an indomitable spirit. I take off my hat to you...for being a real man.
But a message was driven home last Saturday evening. The grandparents came over for a visit, and it gave us the best excuse to have dinner outside. We went for a seafood dinner...cos I was craving (?!!) for crabs.
The person who helped to serve us was someone they know. It then struck them that there are some among their friends who were less privileged than they were. Suddenly, having the food before them took a deeper significance...that they cannot take what they have for granted.
For me, looking at that child left me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I say a prayer of thanks for the blessings that my family and I have. ..good life, good food and plenty to be thankful for.
But, there was a tinge of sadness, mixed with admiration.
His mother must be so proud of him...a responsible young man who knows that he needs to work to support the family. He has had that burden thrusted upon his shoulders; yet, he has taken it within his stride.
He has learnt to stand on his own two feet; his pride preventing him from relying solely on the compassion of others. Never have I heard a word of complaint pass through his lips; nary a harsh word about his fate.
His resilience is written all over his face. There is no shame in doing honest hard work. When I asked him about his well=being, he politely smiled. "We will survive. Don't you worry."
That Child...that dear, sweet child.
The Malays have a phrase for a such a child. "Sejuk perut Mak mengandung."...a child whose very presence is a blessing to the mother who carried and raised him.
Today, I am humbled by your graciousness, your determination, your strong sense of duty and your strength of character. Today, you are the teacher as I learn about cultivating an indomitable spirit. I take off my hat to you...for being a real man.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Beholden: "Paying off my debts of gratitude"
Robert Heinlein was the one who popularised the concept of "Paying It Forward." The whole idea is that when someone does a good deed to you, in turn, all you need to do is to do at least three good deeds to others.
The idea is simple yet powerful. Imagine. If someone does something nice for you, all you have to do is pass that kindness to someone else who deserves it. Won't that be such a wonderful way to spreading goodness to the world that is plagued by vices like greed, envy, selfishness and bitterness?
Instinctively, I know that somehow if you do things with sincerity and your actions are motivated by love, then good things will come to you. It's very much the idea of 'karma'.
Yet, isn't it sad that that sometimes, we grow jaded and cynical? ...that we doubt that there is good in humanity? We have grown to be skeptics, and can be suspicious when people are nice to us. We think of the negatives rather than focus on the positive, and scrutinise the actions; we question the motives of our benefactors. And when that happens, we lose out on our chance of really paying it forward...we prematurely cut off the opportunity to do continue doing a greater good for others.
I am here to remind myself...that there is still hope for Humanity. I must not lose faith in human nature...and that if I truly play my role as one of the 'last bastions of values', I would have fulfilled my job as a wife, mother and teacher...maybe as a human being.
There will days when you feel that life has handed you lemons...and a lot of other 'toot toot' thrown in. You have to clean up after other people, and be made the scapegoat when things go wrong.
I am also here to remind myself never to give up trying. And one more thing...that when you do something...never to expect anything in return. If you expect life to be a bed of roses, and others to treat you well, just because you try to be good; then you'll be very, very disappointed.
Love, kindness and respect need to be given away with no strings attached...Do not think that others will be beholden to you. Life is not a matter of checks and balances...of the 'you-owe-me-one" kind of attitudes...nor is it, worse still, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'
Do something because you want to; not because you have to; and not because you want something in return. Then it really frees you from being beholden to others, when others are good to you. Pay your debt of gratitude forward.
If you truly believe you can make a difference, than pay it forward.
The idea is simple yet powerful. Imagine. If someone does something nice for you, all you have to do is pass that kindness to someone else who deserves it. Won't that be such a wonderful way to spreading goodness to the world that is plagued by vices like greed, envy, selfishness and bitterness?
Instinctively, I know that somehow if you do things with sincerity and your actions are motivated by love, then good things will come to you. It's very much the idea of 'karma'.
Yet, isn't it sad that that sometimes, we grow jaded and cynical? ...that we doubt that there is good in humanity? We have grown to be skeptics, and can be suspicious when people are nice to us. We think of the negatives rather than focus on the positive, and scrutinise the actions; we question the motives of our benefactors. And when that happens, we lose out on our chance of really paying it forward...we prematurely cut off the opportunity to do continue doing a greater good for others.
I am here to remind myself...that there is still hope for Humanity. I must not lose faith in human nature...and that if I truly play my role as one of the 'last bastions of values', I would have fulfilled my job as a wife, mother and teacher...maybe as a human being.
There will days when you feel that life has handed you lemons...and a lot of other 'toot toot' thrown in. You have to clean up after other people, and be made the scapegoat when things go wrong.
I am also here to remind myself never to give up trying. And one more thing...that when you do something...never to expect anything in return. If you expect life to be a bed of roses, and others to treat you well, just because you try to be good; then you'll be very, very disappointed.
Love, kindness and respect need to be given away with no strings attached...Do not think that others will be beholden to you. Life is not a matter of checks and balances...of the 'you-owe-me-one" kind of attitudes...nor is it, worse still, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'
Do something because you want to; not because you have to; and not because you want something in return. Then it really frees you from being beholden to others, when others are good to you. Pay your debt of gratitude forward.
If you truly believe you can make a difference, than pay it forward.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Truce Finally?
Besides the noise generated by my children in the house, the other contributors to the cacophony at home comes from 4 ladies.
Left on their own, they are perfectly well-behaved and docile. They will sit down quietly; seemingly engrossed in their own business. As long as their are in their own marked territories, everything is fine.
However, trouble brews when they cross each other's boundaries. That's when the hackles rise, the hisses become more pronounced,and the claws come unsheathed.
Sigh...ladies, ladies...Is there really need for all brimstone and fire?
Welcome to my world people...it's tough enough being mummy to people. It's worse being the neutral person when 4 cats are involved.
Holly, Squicky, Queen and Murphee have so conveniently turned my life unpside down. Of course, Holly, by senority, plays the role of the soury Empress Dowager who will not allow any of the three to ursurp her throne. She is a real spitefire.
Unfortunately, the others called her bluff once too often already. Even Murphee has learnt to lie in wait and pounce on her should the old dame decide to pull rank. Well, the only think Holly has to do is to constantly put herself physically in a higher position than the rest.
As I type this...the 4 cats are in the room...my bedroom.
Holly has parked herself on a high perch...on my unironed laundry. Squicky has reclaimed my bed, and refuses to move. Her windshield wiper tail does a rhythmic 'blop-blop', and through half-cocked eyes, she is eyeing Murphee.
Murph...is a cat who thinks she is a dog. This is a cat that licks...my forehead, hair , face...that's her way of showing gratitude.
Duh Queen...well, she is sleeping quietly at the foot of the bed...eyes droopy because of the silence. I half expect her to catch Squicky's tail.
There is peace in the bedroom.., and can be quite intimidating.
But if cats can come together to a truce, why not people? No wonder the world is so chaotic lately.
Left on their own, they are perfectly well-behaved and docile. They will sit down quietly; seemingly engrossed in their own business. As long as their are in their own marked territories, everything is fine.
However, trouble brews when they cross each other's boundaries. That's when the hackles rise, the hisses become more pronounced,and the claws come unsheathed.
Sigh...ladies, ladies...Is there really need for all brimstone and fire?
Welcome to my world people...it's tough enough being mummy to people. It's worse being the neutral person when 4 cats are involved.
Holly, Squicky, Queen and Murphee have so conveniently turned my life unpside down. Of course, Holly, by senority, plays the role of the soury Empress Dowager who will not allow any of the three to ursurp her throne. She is a real spitefire.
Unfortunately, the others called her bluff once too often already. Even Murphee has learnt to lie in wait and pounce on her should the old dame decide to pull rank. Well, the only think Holly has to do is to constantly put herself physically in a higher position than the rest.
As I type this...the 4 cats are in the room...my bedroom.
Holly has parked herself on a high perch...on my unironed laundry. Squicky has reclaimed my bed, and refuses to move. Her windshield wiper tail does a rhythmic 'blop-blop', and through half-cocked eyes, she is eyeing Murphee.
Murph...is a cat who thinks she is a dog. This is a cat that licks...my forehead, hair , face...that's her way of showing gratitude.
Duh Queen...well, she is sleeping quietly at the foot of the bed...eyes droopy because of the silence. I half expect her to catch Squicky's tail.
There is peace in the bedroom.., and can be quite intimidating.
But if cats can come together to a truce, why not people? No wonder the world is so chaotic lately.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Reflection in the Mirror
Of late, I find myself getting tagged by friends who want me to complete some kind of random surveys in one form or another. Some of the questions posed range from quirky to the very personal. While I have been giving some tongue-in-cheek answers, here is one that I suppose I find most meaning. Those of you who read John Maxwell will know where the questions come from.
It's the Mirror Test
(so even if you do not like looking at yourself physically in the mirror, you can perhaps at least mirror the recesses of your heart and mind)
See if you can answer the following questions.
1. How self-aware am I of myself?
2. Am I able to get along with myself?
3. What image do I have of myself?
4. Do I like me?
5. Am I able to admit my own faults & shortcomings?
6. How can I change to improve myself?
7. Do I believe I can make a difference?
8. Am I my own best friend?
9. Do I take responsibility for myself?
10. Where are my blind spots?
I think we all need to realise that the 1st person we need to examine is ourselves. We all have days where battles are waged within our own heads and hearts. The dilemmas set in when we allow the two to keep on fighting as two separate entities.
I hope that some of you will be interested enough to pick up take a good look in the mirror, and answer these questions...there may not be prizes for right or wrong answers, but there will be rewards you can reap at the end of the exercise. Trust me. (It's a lot better than doing the ipod shuffle quiz!)
It's the Mirror Test
(so even if you do not like looking at yourself physically in the mirror, you can perhaps at least mirror the recesses of your heart and mind)
See if you can answer the following questions.
1. How self-aware am I of myself?
2. Am I able to get along with myself?
3. What image do I have of myself?
4. Do I like me?
5. Am I able to admit my own faults & shortcomings?
6. How can I change to improve myself?
7. Do I believe I can make a difference?
8. Am I my own best friend?
9. Do I take responsibility for myself?
10. Where are my blind spots?
I think we all need to realise that the 1st person we need to examine is ourselves. We all have days where battles are waged within our own heads and hearts. The dilemmas set in when we allow the two to keep on fighting as two separate entities.
I hope that some of you will be interested enough to pick up take a good look in the mirror, and answer these questions...there may not be prizes for right or wrong answers, but there will be rewards you can reap at the end of the exercise. Trust me. (It's a lot better than doing the ipod shuffle quiz!)
She
Things happen for a reason. That's what I tell myself whenever I find myself unable to find a logical connection to events that take place in life.
I was feeling under the weather lately. But it took a mega migraine attack before I finally dragged myself to visit the GP today. My family GP understood, and before I left, said quietly to me. "There is no need to be a hero." I nodded meekly.
As I walked along the 5-foot way, I bumped into her. A familiar face; only more frail and gaunt. Her eyes were downcast, and the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.
"Hi.." I called out to her.
It took about 3 seconds for her to recognise who I was. As if shaken from a trance, she threw her arms around me, and sobbed; oblivious to people around us. Even I was taken aback by the intensity of her actions.
Awkwardly I patted her back and allowed her tears to soak my shoulder. I muttered something hoping to soothe her. I was not sure if she heard what I said...for her words came out in torrents.
Even though the words were incoherently expressed, key words jumped at me. They strike me to the core. She repeated herself so many times that it became very clear to me - her state of mind, and her intentions.
I have learnt how I can soak up vibes like a sponge. I felt hers seeping through. Gently I extricated myself from her clutches, and watched her sunken face and glassy eyes. I kept my own emotions in check. Yes, I can empathise, but I cannot allow her to go on like this.
Today, I walked away.
Not because I did not care, but because I could not be a hero.
While we can sometimes care and feel for others, we must learn not to let the other party use us as an emotional crutch. Sometimes, we have to be cruel to be kind.
My mind is still full of images of her.
But I now understand better. Before one can help others, one must help oneself first. That is crucial.
To She:
I hope you will pull through. No one can help you unless you want to help yourself first. Be a friend to yourself. Once you are able to do that, your friends will all rally by you. I am sure of that. I will pray for you.
I was feeling under the weather lately. But it took a mega migraine attack before I finally dragged myself to visit the GP today. My family GP understood, and before I left, said quietly to me. "There is no need to be a hero." I nodded meekly.
As I walked along the 5-foot way, I bumped into her. A familiar face; only more frail and gaunt. Her eyes were downcast, and the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.
"Hi.." I called out to her.
It took about 3 seconds for her to recognise who I was. As if shaken from a trance, she threw her arms around me, and sobbed; oblivious to people around us. Even I was taken aback by the intensity of her actions.
Awkwardly I patted her back and allowed her tears to soak my shoulder. I muttered something hoping to soothe her. I was not sure if she heard what I said...for her words came out in torrents.
Even though the words were incoherently expressed, key words jumped at me. They strike me to the core. She repeated herself so many times that it became very clear to me - her state of mind, and her intentions.
I have learnt how I can soak up vibes like a sponge. I felt hers seeping through. Gently I extricated myself from her clutches, and watched her sunken face and glassy eyes. I kept my own emotions in check. Yes, I can empathise, but I cannot allow her to go on like this.
Today, I walked away.
Not because I did not care, but because I could not be a hero.
While we can sometimes care and feel for others, we must learn not to let the other party use us as an emotional crutch. Sometimes, we have to be cruel to be kind.
My mind is still full of images of her.
But I now understand better. Before one can help others, one must help oneself first. That is crucial.
To She:
I hope you will pull through. No one can help you unless you want to help yourself first. Be a friend to yourself. Once you are able to do that, your friends will all rally by you. I am sure of that. I will pray for you.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Out of Sync
Over the weekend, I am fully convinced that all things electronic and mechanical are out to get me. If there is a great conspiracy theory I believe in, it is that the 'Higher Being of Technology' is planning to bring me down.
At home, I must never mention out aloud,...no...I must not even think about looking at a new handphone (like a pink Samsung Armani), or eye a stand-alone deepchest freezer...My walls have eyes and ears...and the "O-great-mechanical-one' seizes the opportunity to send one of his pawns on beserk mode.
My handphone has been resuscitated more than once. It has suffered all possible ailments, but I am resisting finding a new one because it is so hard to find an almost idiot-proof one in bright purple. There are no pretty ones currently in the market, and no, I do not need an nth power megapixel or some goodness-knows-what programme which does not add value to my life. But the moment I wowed over the Hello Kitty (ya...go ahead...laugh) handphone...the current one acts as though it is on the throes of a violent end.
The laptops are no better...I guess I must swear off external disk drives which swallow up all my data and refuse to vomit them out again. When I need to hook up for my lessons, the projector refuses to cooperate, and the fully charged laptops mysteriously get drained of their energy. No amount of coaxings or threats will get them to work.
I know that I have been eyeing the slim HD LCD TVs...so much so that the current idiot screen box are crying for mercy, and my radios are chewing my music CDs faster than I can chew gum. The only thing cold about my fridge is my love for it...and the electric sockets in the house are slowly playing a game of 'lets-trip-for-fun',
Sigh.
Someone said that perhaps it is me who is the cause of all these problems...something new agey that my 8th Chakra (?) is out of sync. Apparently, one kind soul said that I should be dipping myself in Himalayan rock salt so that I can recharge my magnetic field. Whoa...my dulled brains will take ages to comprehend that...Yup...even the internal CPU is lagging.
So how?
Can anyone help me to de-magnetised all the bad vibes that I have been absorbing and emitting?
I cannot afford to buy new stuff.
At home, I must never mention out aloud,...no...I must not even think about looking at a new handphone (like a pink Samsung Armani), or eye a stand-alone deepchest freezer...My walls have eyes and ears...and the "O-great-mechanical-one' seizes the opportunity to send one of his pawns on beserk mode.
My handphone has been resuscitated more than once. It has suffered all possible ailments, but I am resisting finding a new one because it is so hard to find an almost idiot-proof one in bright purple. There are no pretty ones currently in the market, and no, I do not need an nth power megapixel or some goodness-knows-what programme which does not add value to my life. But the moment I wowed over the Hello Kitty (ya...go ahead...laugh) handphone...the current one acts as though it is on the throes of a violent end.
The laptops are no better...I guess I must swear off external disk drives which swallow up all my data and refuse to vomit them out again. When I need to hook up for my lessons, the projector refuses to cooperate, and the fully charged laptops mysteriously get drained of their energy. No amount of coaxings or threats will get them to work.
I know that I have been eyeing the slim HD LCD TVs...so much so that the current idiot screen box are crying for mercy, and my radios are chewing my music CDs faster than I can chew gum. The only thing cold about my fridge is my love for it...and the electric sockets in the house are slowly playing a game of 'lets-trip-for-fun',
Sigh.
Someone said that perhaps it is me who is the cause of all these problems...something new agey that my 8th Chakra (?) is out of sync. Apparently, one kind soul said that I should be dipping myself in Himalayan rock salt so that I can recharge my magnetic field. Whoa...my dulled brains will take ages to comprehend that...Yup...even the internal CPU is lagging.
So how?
Can anyone help me to de-magnetised all the bad vibes that I have been absorbing and emitting?
I cannot afford to buy new stuff.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Candle
We all know the analogy of the burning candle.
The impression is that while it illuminates the surrounding, the self-sacrificing candle slowly eats at itself.
How vulnerable that flame can be, how easily it can be snuffed out. And sometimes, that light flickers as it struggles to stay alive admist the wind and other elements. What protects the candle from consuming itself?
"It is better to light a candle, than curse the darkness"
So we light up our lives with the many little flames that keep us going. We guard the flames against the elements...yet what protects the candle from burning itself out?...all in the name of self-sacrifice? Is that all to its existence? To burn and die...
The impression is that while it illuminates the surrounding, the self-sacrificing candle slowly eats at itself.
How vulnerable that flame can be, how easily it can be snuffed out. And sometimes, that light flickers as it struggles to stay alive admist the wind and other elements. What protects the candle from consuming itself?
"It is better to light a candle, than curse the darkness"
So we light up our lives with the many little flames that keep us going. We guard the flames against the elements...yet what protects the candle from burning itself out?...all in the name of self-sacrifice? Is that all to its existence? To burn and die...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Audrey Hepburn's Favourite Poem
Today's entry is based on the email I got from a friend. Though this poem is attributed to this legendary beauty, it was in fact written by Sam Levenson. It is simple, but meaningful.
Audrey Hepburn's Beauty Tips:
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Sam Levenson
In an age where 'beauty' has been defined by plastic surgeries and face augmentations, I guess almost anyone can pass off as being beautiful.
But it is the inner person who makes a whole of difference. The one who displays empathy, compassion, humility, modesty and a whole range of values that are slowly eroding today.
A heart that is caring and loving...will never grow old.
Audrey Hepburn's Beauty Tips:
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Sam Levenson
In an age where 'beauty' has been defined by plastic surgeries and face augmentations, I guess almost anyone can pass off as being beautiful.
But it is the inner person who makes a whole of difference. The one who displays empathy, compassion, humility, modesty and a whole range of values that are slowly eroding today.
A heart that is caring and loving...will never grow old.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
