She

Things happen for a reason. That's what I tell myself whenever I find myself unable to find a logical connection to events that take place in life.

I was feeling under the weather lately. But it took a mega migraine attack before I finally dragged myself to visit the GP today. My family GP understood, and before I left, said quietly to me. "There is no need to be a hero." I nodded meekly.

As I walked along the 5-foot way, I bumped into her. A familiar face; only more frail and gaunt. Her eyes were downcast, and the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.

"Hi.." I called out to her.
It took about 3 seconds for her to recognise who I was. As if shaken from a trance, she threw her arms around me, and sobbed; oblivious to people around us. Even I was taken aback by the intensity of her actions.

Awkwardly I patted her back and allowed her tears to soak my shoulder. I muttered something hoping to soothe her. I was not sure if she heard what I said...for her words came out in torrents.

Even though the words were incoherently expressed, key words jumped at me. They strike me to the core. She repeated herself so many times that it became very clear to me - her state of mind, and her intentions.

I have learnt how I can soak up vibes like a sponge. I felt hers seeping through. Gently I extricated myself from her clutches, and watched her sunken face and glassy eyes. I kept my own emotions in check. Yes, I can empathise, but I cannot allow her to go on like this.

Today, I walked away.
Not because I did not care, but because I could not be a hero.
While we can sometimes care and feel for others, we must learn not to let the other party use us as an emotional crutch. Sometimes, we have to be cruel to be kind.

My mind is still full of images of her.
But I now understand better. Before one can help others, one must help oneself first. That is crucial.

To She:
I hope you will pull through. No one can help you unless you want to help yourself first. Be a friend to yourself. Once you are able to do that, your friends will all rally by you. I am sure of that. I will pray for you.