Pain

Of all the pain I have ever experienced, there is one that is the hardest to bear. But before I discuss that, I want to talk about why I have been away from work lately.

I have written about my problem with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.
I was relatively pain-free for almost a year, but then recently, the symptoms came back - from the numbness to the pins and needles and the intense aches. It seems to have crawled up behind to the neck area...and when that strikes, it hits the head too...cos the brain reacts to it and a mega-migraine gets triggered.

On Friday, I finally decided to do something about it. Of course, the young doctor's recommendation as a pain remedy was to inject the affected area...4 times. He got the cheek to tell me.."Go ahead and cry if you want to." Mind you, the last thing I wanted to do was to cry and embarrass myself. But ow..ow..ow...ow..

That was not the end of the story. I found the potency of some pain killers. For the first time ever, I received Valium...no wonder they are controlled substances. Sure it knocked me out...but have you ever felt stupid? I could not think straight...and though the pain seemed to have been erased...I could barely count to 10...or even retain short term memory. Scary....so had to go to the gp who told me that the 10mg dosage was way way too much (apparently..that's the amount they would use in mental patients only lah)

It's time to take stock to what I am doing.
And that is why the emotional pain comes in.
I stand to lose a lot of things...and I have to let go.

Will I ever have the courage to stand up and do it?
Time will decide...
In the meantime, I will pray that God will give me the strength and good health to carry on.

I am blessed to have my family who have been giving me support,
and some special kids...who are rallying around me.
Thanks Sky and K...thank you...thank you for believing in me.