Random Questions: Dazed Mum Part II

I think there are some people in the world who take perverse pleasure in making other people suffer. They have so much time on their hands, and instead of twiddling thumbs, they create all kinds of random surveys to stump, befog, befuddle, stupendy (nah...that's too intelligent)and stupidify(?) people who under normal circumstances ,have some amount of workng grey matter.

But...since I am in the mood to do mindless things, here I am again, humouring those who tagged me because of their insatiable curiosity about my idiosyncrasies..[I only do this when my brain is drowsy from drugs] Again, I shall put it into context so that should I ever be taken away in a straightjacket one day, you know the reason why.

Here goes:

1. I found the deep-rooted cause of why I can never pass A Maths - especially probability, combination and permutation. What are the chances of me sweeping under the kids' beds and finding a pair of socks that match? Answer: ZERO!..5 different coloured and sizes socks...1 power ranger underpants (outgrown by about 2 years)..1 hello kitty hair clip...1 lollypop, 1 live cat...(you get the idea)

2. I agree wholeheartedly with Milton Berle who asks this most pertinent question: If there is really such a thing as evolution, why is it that mothers still have 2 hands? Honestly, there are times when my children (hubby included) who seem to think that I am part octopus.

3. I own a king-sized bed but have only 1/4 of all that space to sleep on. The reason? The bed is a refugee haven..from the two-legged ones to the furry four-legged creatures. Puhlez...just because my tummy is soft and flabby, it is not(!) a place to be slept on.

4. Oh...Erma Bombeck once said that "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids!" Kekekeke...My children definitely passed their spontaneous, crazy, absurd, ludricrous and sometimes deranged characteristics to poor me when I least suspect it. (I do not care how interesting that video clip is on youtube...No! you do not spin dry the cat in the washing machine!)

5. As a mother, I have learnt that you will perpetually be sleep deprived until all the children leave the the nest.[see number three]...I can identify things that go bang in the night, when the fridge is being raided, and fall victim to handphones which are screechy enough to wake the dead except their owners. Why don't the children ever listen when I warn them not to watch horror films? Wake me up again when I have just fallen asleep..and I will personally haunt you in your dreams.

6. I am still figuring out why the child who talks and chatters endlessly, and is always eager to please turns into a piece of driftwood with the onset of the teenage years. Please understand that while did phonetics 101...I am not able to understand grunts, moans and whines. And..."Whatever"...does not exist in my vocabulary.

7. I have finally learnt to accept the white hair on my head...I shall consider each new strand as a motherhood medal of courage...since the contributors to my stress level going up are the kids themselves.

8. On days when my patience draws thin,I fully understand why some animals eat their young. Hehehehe...close...very, very close.

9. Though my ears are covered most of the time, I have the uncanny ability to pick up whenever a toot word is being uttered, or when an unsavoury remark is passed (thank you God...I may be going deaf from all the noise, but my ears are bionic when necessary)

10. My all time favourite wish is for the greatest invention to come for all mothers in future, It is a tracking device that can be implanted into all babies when they are born. The device will be able to send regular alerts like a) alive and kicking b) up to no-good and c) oops...he/she did again (be prepared for cardiac arrest!)


I realise that I am not the only harried mum...below are some funny imaginary quotes from mothers of famous people. Credits to http://www.scribd.com/doc/3246162/FAMOUS-MOTHERS-VERY-FUNNY

Michangelo's Mum
"Why can't you paint the walls like other children? Do you know who difficult it is to get the stuff off the ceiling?"

Columbus's Mum
"I do not care if you have discovered the world. The least you could have done is call home."

Edison's Mum
"Of course I am proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now switch it off and go to sleep."

Please...please avoid tagging me unless it is absolutely necessary ok?...

and...to all my kids out there...Gong Xi Fa Cai