What Teens Want

Today, while the Sec 1 students were busy being enticed by the various CCA groups, some parents stayed behind in the school hall to listen to a talk by Mr Roger Ho on "Riding the Storm of Adolescent." I sat in for a while to pick up a tip or two.

I had initially laughed at the rather dramatic title:- it was as if the moment children reached teenhood, we parents have a turbulent tempest on our hands who will turn our lives upside down. Yet, upon reflection, and based on the experiences with the many kids, many parents are unprepared to deal with the impending storm.


The adolescent years can indeed be trying - personal emotional upheavals brought on by puberty and raging hormones, a need to seek a personal identity, social pressures, responsibilities and obligations...a whole range. Not quite ready to be adult, and no longer a child, a teen wants to be understood and supported.

Here are some other things which I have read and observed about teens. (You can correct me if you want to). So here is an open letter from a teen to his parents. (It is created...but I hope it will drive the message home...for both the child, and parents)

Dear old-fashioned and uncool Mum and Dad,

Yo...I am so big now...not 5 nor 3. I have outgrown my Power Rangers underwear and my Spiderman pajamas. But that does not mean I want to wear hand-me-downs from Dad's wardrobe. No...I am not an Ah Pek in training...and there is nothing wrong if I want to dye my hair copper red and wear my fringe wrong...That is called 'style'. Even if my slippers do not match, and my jeans have holes, I still think they are a lot better Dad's striped boxers and singlet.

I live in an age where men and women are equals. So do not laugh if I decide to get my ears pierced or wear bangles and cuffs. I am not gay..hey , Scotmen wear kilts, so how come we never question their masculinity? Since we are on this topic, I may decide to also have a little tattoo...with both of your names engraved on my chest to show that I still love you.

I know retro music is in...but I really draw the line when you make me listen to Mama Mia for the nth time...and the only air supply I need is the oxygen to breathe. I think because you cannot seem to tolerate my choice of hip songs, I will buy both of you the huge headphones on your birthdays (provided you give extra pocket money).

I cannot understand why lately you are beginning to nag at me about 'growing up' and responsibilities. When I was little, you did everything for me...and you even made the maid carry my bag to school and wash my shoes. I have never even practised cleaning my own room. So why the big deal now when you yourself make poor aunty clean your car twice a day, and wash the window every week?

Dad, when I was younger, you said I must learn to be "a man". You said, a 'real man' never cries, and a real man must fight back if he feels he is victimised. So why do you get so uptight when I shout back at you? You are the one who told me to fight for my rights. So when it feels that you are being unreasonable and unfair to me, I am only defending myself. How can you scold me and tell me not to raise my voice, when you are yelling at me too? Where is the fairness?

Sometimes both of you confuse me. You want me to try and learn new things, but when I do, you react in shock and horror. One minute you want to be independent, the next it feels like you want to lock me up in the house forever. You want me to explore all possibilities in life, but suffocate me with all the ultra-strict rules and regulations. You say all the things you do for me is because you love, and yet...why is it that lately, you want to drive me away with your condemnation and lack of understanding?

Well, here are the more serious stuff I wish I can tell you.

I wish you would encourage and support me...instead of telling me "I told you" when I make mistakes. If you do have to reprimand me, please do it in private, or one-to-one. Do not let announce to the whole world about 'my stupidity'

I wish you would listen to my opinions too instead of forcing yours down my throat. Do not complain when I learnt to do the same to you. I pick up my values from you.

I wish you would spend some time for me...you keep telling me that you are always busy with work...to support and give me things...but I rather have some of your personal time...so I know I am important in your life.


I wish you would accept me for who I am ... and what I am...instead of trying to turn me into what you had dreamt for yourself. And please do not compare me with others...for I feel very small when I realise I cannot live up to your expectations.

I wish you would talk to me about the things I do right or wrong, rationally, because I respond better without the naggings and hurtful comments.

I wish you will always never stop saying "I love you", and that you are proud of me -for no matter how old I grow, I want to be assured of that.

Love from
Your tired and confused teenaged child


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