My Child...Your Child...Our Responsibilities

I am not writing this because I have nothing better to do today. In fact, it has been a busy day.

Yesterday and today, have been days of reckoning of sorts.
It's 'report book' time.
Parents will come to school for consultation sessions with the teachers.

I have dual roles, and I know what it is like to be on either side of the table.
I had to visit two schools and meet up with Zarifah's & Akmal's teachers.
Two kids...two sets of results.

When I looked at the report books, usually, I will question myself first. Have I been giving enough attention to my children? How much of the success or failure can be attributed to me? Have I done my best? Have I been responsible in providing them with the best? Are my expectations realistic?

This is not the time for 'if only...", nor is it the time for 'how come...'. I need to consciously mirror myself first, and then move on to ..."what's next?"
I will definitely sit down with Iffah and Akmal to discuss how to move on.

From where I am now, I am the educator.
I hear voices of upset, disappointed parents.
There are those who voice concern and understanding, but there are also those whose sharp tones seem to suggest that the problem is never, never , never their precious child. There is always someone else to blame.

As much as we love our child, we must know what to draw that fine line. The child must learn about accountability, the parents and educators, responsibility.
We work as a team..in tandem; not as opposing forces.

I say a pray for all my brave, committed colleagues
This is not the easiest part of our job...
And I will keep on praying too
as I learn to love my charges as my own, I hope that there will be teachers there to love and nurture my child as their own.
Ameen.

Moving On

Today's reflection is something that I found when I read Jack Cranfield's "The Success Principle: How to get from where you are to where you want to be". He writes:

It's time to quit waiting for
Perfection
Inspiration
Permission
Reassurance
Someone else to change
That right person to come along
The kids to leave home
A more favourable horoscope
The new administration to take over
An absence of risk
Someone to discover you
A clear set of instructions
More self-confidence
The pain to go away.

Is there ever such a thing as the best or perfect time?
We always seem to find excuses not to do the things we want to do...because it is so much easier to blame something else.

Believe...Self-belief
Be tenacious, persistent, determined, clear and self-directed.
See the ultimate destination.
Get ready your internal compass and mental maps.

Start your way...
What are you waiting for?


Starlightmoondancers hears whispers and echoes...
Come on...come on.
Study your goals.

Kaleidoscope Dreams

One of the things that have always interest people is this - do you dream in colour?
Surprisingly, a great number of people do not notice, and cannot even remember.
I have a notebook by the side of my bed, and sometimes, I jot down some of the vivid images I dream about...and I am conscious about this:- when I am troubled...the dreams come in shades of grey, while if my mind is consumed by happy thoughts, I get colours of the rainbow.

But I think the dreams I want to reflect on today is about our hopes and aspirations.
These are my 'milestones' goals...the one that I belief gives me the energy and motivation to move forward.

But I am also sure that for most of us, we become cynical or too pragmatic because of the following things.
a) Lack of self-belief and confidence
b) fear of the unknown
c) failures of the past that haunt us
d) cynics and 'party-poopers'who crush our beliefs
e) being too easily contented
f) those who do not belief in the power of faith and imagination.

I supposed there will always be our wants, our wishes and our desires.
And the "I' factor must be strong because it is the "I" who will put actions to start the process of achieving the dream. The "I" should not waver in the single-minded pursuit despite the setbacks, and the "I" should not not its vision.

The realist needs to dream, and the dreamer needs to also have his feet firmly rooted to the ground. That will keep us sane.
The next few days, I will re-visit some of my unfulfilled dreams.
God willing, I will turn them into reality.

Digging Holes

John Maxwell is coming to Singapore to give a lecture. But the lecture is so expensive, so sigh, I have to be content just reading his books.

Today's reflection is a point he quoted from Denis Healy who made this comment when this question was raised.
Q: If you fall into a hole, what should you immediately do?
A: STOP DIGGING! THIS WILL MAKE THE HOLE DEEPER AND HARDER FOR YOU TO GET OUT.

Metaphorically, how many of us find ourselves falling into pits and holes of our own making? Once we fall, we so desperately find ourselves digging and clawing in order to find a way out.

I do not have the answer as to what is the best way to get ourselves out.

I for one, am guilty of giving excuses, or finding reasons that weakly justify my shortcomings, my forgetfulness and whatever. The more excuses I come up with, the worse things become sometimes.

What stands in the way?
Perhaps pride, greed, or simply because the truth hurts.
Yup...the truth hurts real bad...


Starlightmoondancer...
Find the music...please

The Last Day...

I want to apologise before hand to those who read this entry. Some of you may find it a little morbid.

11 years ago, on this day, I lost my grandmother.
She was about 93 when she left us peacefully just after midnight.

A week before her passing, she was still up and about; the only problem was of course her mind. It was as if her stored files in her memory bank had been obliterated, and her capacity to remember things would last only for about 3 minutes.
Alzheimer's Disease robs you of your life in a different way.

When she developed a fever suddenly, and lay gaunt and lethargic, the family somehow knew that the end was near. She spoke of names we had never heard before, and seemed to be holding a conversation with her two brothers; both long gone.

How does one go about preparing for Death to come?
Some in the family wanted to send her to the hospital for the best medical care can offer, while another group felt that it was best to let God decide.

Within hours, the clan began our vigil, with prayers.
And as we watched her breathing get shallower, we were grateful that we got to say our goodbyes. I can't describe the feeling as I watched my aunts and uncles share quiet moments with her...a kiss, a caress, a gentle stroke on her head, or whispered words of thanks and forgiveness. And her favourite son...who knelt by her feet and kissed them poignantly.

When my turn came, I held the cold, clammy hands. Life was ebbing away.
"Nenek...sayang.." I choked.
I had never called her 'sayang' all these years...that term of affection had always been for my other beloved grandmother. Did it come too late?

I am blessed.
She opened her eyes momentarily. I am not sure what prompted that, or if her glazed eyes really 'saw' who I was...but I would like to believe that she heard me, and had granted me a last look.

She was blessed. As she breathed her last breaths, her entire brood was there, praying quietly, and each re-living the memories we had with her. We had time to say the things we wanted to say...and she left us very calmly...serene as if she was sleeping.

I really love you, Nenek...though I may not have said it often enough, or aloud enough.
And I pray, that when my time comes, I will be just as blessed as you.

Al-Fatihah.
(for Hjh Jaleha Md Amin)
Ameen

No More...

Over the years, I have been blessed with many wonderful opportunities to interact with interesting young people. Some of them have moved on to be those I consider as my "Special Children."...

I thank God for the chance to get to know them better, and to somehow gently guide them on so that they can find their way at different points of their lives. I am grateful for letting me find a purpose.

Yet...
No more...
It is getting tougher...and I am not as strong as before.
No more...no more.

Loss, Losing, Lost & Letting Go

There is something about May. It a month usually punctuated by thunder and lightning, and tears; at least, my tears.

Loss
I am taking time in prayer for another fallen child: - a 13-year-old girl who lost her struggle against lupus. I may not have taught her personally, but I remember a spunky child who is not afraid to speak her mind and her fears. I know this as she had parked herself the whole afternoon speaking to the FTSC, telling her of her worries. Rest in peace, little one.

Losing
We wage many 'battles' daily...against diseases and crime, against things that are not right, against others...my hardest battles are fought internally. Currently, I feel as if that I am losing my grip on certain aspects of my life. I waver, shake and get swept over by things so easily. I am sure you understand the frustrations.

Lost
If something is lost, sometimes it is hard to find or replace it. Physical 'losses' are easier to cope with. In this case, I am saddened because I have lost something quite important to me - trust and understanding - with a person whom I thought was dear to me.

Letting Go
A loss, losing something and a 'lost' one.
I need to move on.
Let me slowly pick up the pieces, mend the broken parts.
But if that is too difficult, I know I'll throw the emotional baggage for I have to let go.


Starlightmoondancer...
Find the music in your dreams
and let the feelings go.

Grandma - Memories of growing up

I dreamt of Nenek again last evening.
When the mind is not at ease, unconsciously I think of things which give me comfort.
I saw her in a corner, just watching over me as she went about her chores...just like she used to when she was alive....even down to the beetle leaves cud she perpectually chewed in her mouth.

Like I said before, Nenek was not openly affectionate; unlike Nek Tor who used to shower me with lots of hugs, pats and kisses. I used to wonder if she loved her grandchildren at all...but I guess her brood of 35 was simply to large, or that she seemed to be so busy cooking up a storm to constantly feed people.

When one was young and impressionable, it was easy to believe those who insisted that she was not an easy woman to get along with. She was extraordinarily careful with money...and was great with numbers (I think if she went to school, she would have aced Maths!) There were those who felt she was so ... er stingy.

Once, as a naive child, I played one grandmother against the other. I was staying with Nenek for the holidays, and I was whining away...asking for some form of treats. Nenek firmly said no, and said that she would whip up for me some 'gandos' - a floury coconut mixture for tea. But I had wailed, and called up my godma, and within the hour, she and Nek Tor appeared at Nenek's doorsteps with a whole bowl of delicious golden deep fried bananas (my favourite).

Nenek said nothing upon the arrival of her guests. She had graciously invited them in; knowing fully well of my scheming ways. The only time when she betrayed her true feelings was when I caught a fleeting look on her face as she placed her gandos on the table, and I miffed at it. I saw her clouded eyes, and crestfallen expression as Nek Tor lovingly fed me the bananas I relished.

It was then that I knew...the power one of love...and how that it can also hurt. Nenek had cared...so much that it upset her that her own flesh and blood would choose someone else over her.

I am not sure if I ever apologised to her over that incident. I wish I did.
Nenek & my beautiful Nek Tor...may your souls rest in peace and be in Allah's grace. Ameen. I miss both of you so much.

Blistering Tongue

There is a Turkish quote that goes something like this:
"The knife wound heals, the tongue wound festers."

Metaphorically, we have seen how the pen is truly mightier than the sword. Words can be as lethal as any other physical weapons. And in this day and age, character assasination seem to be even more easy with the aide of a technology that allows the word sniper to hide behind the screen of anonymity. Bullying via cyber means, has found new heights as humans lash out torrents of untruths, half-truths or pure arsenic-laced phrases to taunt, haunt and hurt others; irregardless whether they know the individual or not.

Why?
Where does it all begin?
Can it ever stop?

I don't think we can stop...if we don't examine ourselves first.
It is always easier to hurt others, and humans have this hidden peverse pleasure of watching others suffer.

We call each other names...we allow 'toot' language to become the norm, and hands up those who have never ever said a bad thing about someone else, or even gossip.

I am not adopting a 'holier-than-thou' attitude here...this is for my own self-reflection. I know I am just as guilty as charged.

But at this point, it is a reminder of how I carefully I have to say the things I want to say to others, about the choice of words I use.

Of late, I feel very hurt by some of the things people say...some intentionally, and unintentionally. Sometimes, it is not so much about what is said, but how it is said, and why it is said...and it is painful. Harm is done, and the scars remain.

The question is...how do I respond?
I don't know...
I am still learning, un-learning, and re-learning.

Dear God,
Help me to remember...guard my tongue if there is nothing good to say, and even when I do, make it for the right reasons.
Ameen

Never Pay Twice for the Same Mistakes

I have made many references to mistakes and failures. Today, I am thinking about it again in a wider context of events that have taken place.

We hear cliches like "That was a bad mistake", "that mistake will cost you", or "you are going to live to regret your folly." Granted. Humans make mistakes. We are flawed and full of imperfections. We do things sometimes without (and even with rational) thinking, and end up rueing and upset. I, for one, sometimes go around mumbling under my breath admonishing myself for my foolishness, stupidity and apparent lack of logic.

Why do we sometimes make the same mistakes over and over again?
Is there something inherent in our character that we are not able to shake off and overcome; or is it true that somethings can never change? Why does it appear as if we are not learning from our errors of jugement? Or is our sense of self-awareness so narrow that we are always ready to come up with easy excuses, or shift the blame on others for the things we do wrong.

Do we ever learn from our mistakes?
Or do we choose what we want to remember, and ignore those that we think happen because they are no fault of ours?

"Forget the mistakes...but always remember the lessons they taught you."

How much do you know...

I think my Facebook status updates is full of people posting their quizzes about themselves and their friends. While these random questions can be taken with a pinch of salt, sometimes I wonder how much I know about my friends, and vice-versa.

Maybe some of the pertinent questions that should be asked should be:
1. Name me one thing I cherished in life.
2. The person who first stole and broke my heart.
3. The one thing shortcoming which I find so hard to overcome.
4. The person I turn to when I am troubled.
5. My favourite flower.
6. My greatest fear
7. The person I respect most
8. My values and beliefs
9. The title of the first poem I wrote
10. A thing that makes me cry.

Hahaha...
I think in this day and age, we have many 'instant', online friends...
But who are those that really know us? And how many, will rally around us, and stand up for us when we are in need?

Maybe I am reading too much into such simple, trivial quizzes.
I should be asking myself this perhaps: How much do I really know myself?

Reflections from the Eulogies

I got time off this morning to attend the funeral of a friend's father. His passing, on Mother's Day, was sudden, and left the grieving family in a state of shock. My condolences to the family for your loss.

3 eulogies were read, and it set me thinking about a few things.
Firstly, this man was once a teacher. The person who paid a final tribute said something like this, "He was a man of wisdom and great faith. The values he taught his students were constantly reflected in the way he conducted himself daily, for he lived up to his principles. He was truly a role model and an inspiration...."

My friend paid a simple yet moving tribute to her Daddy.
"He was the best father in the whole world. He was a loyal husband, a great father, and a doting grandfather...and I wish...that I had taken the trouble to tell him every single day about that."

The final one was even more thought-provoking:
"How have you lived your life? Did we live an enriched and meaningful life?"


I do not think there is any need for me to embark on a quest for the absolute truths.
All I need to take stock of my life as it is right now, and think about some of the things that have been said.

I know, for one, that should my time be up, I wish and hope that people will remember with such love and respect...and that I had left lasting impressions, not only on my family, but the people I have interacted with throughout my life.

I will try not to get high-stung and worry unnecessarily(I will try).
I will try to make each day a life lived fruitfully.
I will go home, and tell my loved ones how much I appreciate and love them.
I will be mindful to be thankful of all the blessings I have in life.

I will start here...
Thank you, to those who read my blog, for taking the time to read. Thank you for being part of my life, and making my experience in the here and now, interesting.

And should I have offended you in any way, I am sorry.

The Porcupine

Here is a the unofficial Porcupine Theory for my Anak Bertuah:

Over the years, I have had my fair share of encounters with porcupines. These creatures are actually quite gentle, and seemingly mild...until they sense danger.

They have soft hair, but as defense mechanism, God has bestowed upon them hard, sharp quills. These are timely reminders to others that these animals are not to be meddled with...and not easy meals.

Contrary to urban legends, the porcupine does not use these quills as projectiles. Only when it is threatened , provoked...and only touched, do these quills come erect, and the barb will sting the enemy that disturbs it. The quill is able to detach itself from the owner...leaving the attacker suffering more than the one who loses it.

I don't know if it sounds familiar to any of you; but the 'Porcupines' I know are those who use their 'quills' as part of their personal shield. It's hard to get to know them really up close, for very rarely will they allow anyone to catch them with their guards down. They don't trust anyone...and it is extra tough to even try.

But try I must.
God knows how many times those sharp arrow-like things have pierced not only physically, but emotionally as well. Perhaps the approach was wrong, or maybe...I would like to think that the porcupine is so afraid of getting hurt, that it hurts others first. And mind you, there were times when I think that letting go and not being bothered at all would have made life so much easier...but no...there is something about them that I know I have to try to reach out.

My latest encounter...
This is one angry porcupine...Do not touch! Do not come near! Do not try!
But I see through this one...the smokescreen...the apparent "Beware, I bite!" sign.
The insecurities are so great, the inadequecies so trying, and the fears can be mind-boggling.

I will proceed with caution.
But I think...I too will come with a warning label.
Don't let the barbs sting too deep...the wounds can be septic...and will not heal.

Reflections...of Motherhood

Congrats to Shahnaz & Shahzad...on the birth of their beautiful baby girl, Shiasta Ng. Welcome to your first Mother's Day, Naz...May you have many beautiful ones to come.

In Islam, a Mother is one who is held in high esteem. In fact, there is a saying that Paradise lies beneath the soles of your Mother's feet. Such is the honour she the religion bestows upon a woman who not only bears the child, but nurtures and raises the individual through life.

My dearest Zaf, Iffah & Akmal,
I thank Allah for blessing me with 3 beautiful children.
It is not easy trying to be a mother...especially ibu mithali. I have my flaws and idiosyncracies, my quirks and my shortcomings.

When people look at you, I am sure they evaluate me...whether or not I have raised you right, instilled the positive values, and grounded the Islamic principals so that you will grow upright.

I am not a perfect mother...but to borrow a line from someone, "My love for you is perfect.". I may not be able to give you all your wants, but I try to fulfil your needs...if they are within my means.

People say that one should lead by example...and I do hope that my actions, my behaviour, my thoughts and beliefs are things which you can follow and emulate. You are old enough to rationalise and think for yourselves what is good , or what is bad...I hope you will be able to make choices which will keep you in good stead.

One of my biggest regrets is that I do not seem to be spending enough time with all of you...but the times I do, are meaningful and memorable. When you were younger, you used to question how come you had to share your Mama with other kids...but now, that you are older, I hope you realise why I do the things I do.

Your life ahead is going to be full of challenges. I may not always be around to guide you and help you, but always remember that I will pray that you will be always blessed and protected by Him.

So on this day...it is indeed a celebration...
A day when I am proud to be acknowledged and loved as your mother.

I love you forever.
Mama


P/S: To my other 'kids'
Thank you for your wishes and prayers.
And a special thanks to 3 young people...who went out of their way, to make today quite memorable. So, C, E & J...awwwwww...so sweet.

To Sky & K...your own mums must be very proud...thank you for letting me share a bit of that.

Love,
Mum

Mother's Day ...Gift?

One thing about K...
He never fails to surprise me (and add ore white hair on my head!)

I am up and awake now at 2am.
About half an hour ago, there were frantic knocks on my door. Dead tired, I had not heard my phone (which of course, is on perpetual silent mode) earlier...and of course, despite sleeping in the hall, was too knocked out cold to realise someone was outside.

Of course it could not have been the Ah Longs at work...nor the Repo man. (I do not think I owe anyone money...opps..I did borrow $2 for recess today). Anyway, the hubby woke up, answered the door and promptly said. "K is outside. Do you want to see him?"

No matter how used I was to his surprises, I was unprepared for this.
Still groggy from sleep...I had mumbled, "Huh? He's old enough to handle his problems!"

Sorry K...
My husband brought in a beautiful box...and it suddenly registered in my mind.

Cupcakes...beautifully decorated and wrapped.
There was a tag "Happy Mother's Day!"

K...K...K....
Thank you so much sweetie...for remembering, and for the gesture.
I am honoured.


But ah...next time...come at decent hour can?!
Hehehehe

Give a dog a bad name...

The saying goes." Give a dog a bad name, and hang him"...
Is that really the case now?

So much for the power of freedom and free speech. But does that mean one is able to lash out and say whatever one wants, and in the process, discredit another being?

What happened to civic consciousness and moral responsibility?
So now, ...are we guilty (as slandered) until proven innocent?

Let he, who has no sin amongst you, cast the first stone.

I am so sad...I truly believe in our innocence.
So lets hold up our heads high..swallow those painful and unkind words...and just move on.

Hard Moments

Let's face it...sometimes, I think I seem to make a bigger deal out of 'one of those days' rather than focus on the times when things go well. Why? The 'dramatic', melancholic and pessimistic side somehow gets a kick out of being miserable...(sometimes)

But we all do have those 'hard moments'...
But how we deal with them, what we do , and where we move on from there ...will define our character. Nobody is strong all the time; and neither are we weak all the time. Yes...there are circumstances beyond our control, but we can choose. Never give up your right to chose to make the best out of whatever situation you are in.

In Julius Caesar, Shakepeare wrote,
" There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a sull sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures." (Act IV Sc III)

Trust the wisdom of good old Will.
As archaic as his language is, one thing he will never be is out-dated.

My dear kids (who are facing the exams)
The 'hard moments' are upon you. This is the time when you face the exams and all the challenges that come along with it. For my 4Es...this is the 1st rehearsal.I hope that you will take on the challenge head on. For some, it's when reality comes a-knocking. Some will pay the price for complacency, while others reap the fruits of their diligence and commitment.

But the journey is far from being over. Along the way, you may have spurts of energy, while some of you may stumble. But keep the end in mind...remember 26 October 2009.

Be the captains of your destinies...chart your own goals..and keep focus. Never let others tell you you are no good...for it is up to each and every one of you to prove yourselves. Keep being hungry for your own personal success, and translate that into perserverance, determination and courage.

Dear God,
I ask you to look over and bless each and every one of my 4Es this year:-
Abimere, Wanyi, Jie Lin, Shu Ya, Aglin, Elena, Estelle, Evi, Jia Yin, Kareena, Lyn, Noelle, Ying Xuan, Mitz, Nimerta, Kar Men, Xiang Ting, Shaz, Shivani, Thahirah, Jean, Sook Yee, Avelin, Amit, Wayne, Clarence, Davior,, Erico, Eric, Lukas, Calvin, Nigel, Zhen Hao, Shafiq, Fairuz, Ming Hao, Hong Ying, Jerome, Yew Kiong, Jie Ming, Zhong Rong, Amy, Rachel, Azra, Celine, Desiree, Hui Ying, Firawani, grace, Lee Shan, Natasha, Jessie, Hazwanni, Adawiyah, Rhonda, Shahirah, Maisurah, Syakur, Eric, Irfan, Kishen, Lokman, Aliefi, Hairi, Hakeem, Syahmi, Ken, Poh Huat, Wei Xiong, Wan Sum, Weng Yang & Yuehan...and my 3N1s...

Please make them believe in themselves...that they have got what it takes. Give them the strength to keep on going, when the going gets tough, and may success be sweet for them.

These are a bunch of lovely kids...and I also pray for their good health and alert minds during the coming exams. Ameen


I have had lots of hard moments...
But I want to be able to share sweet victories with this batch...I am ready, are you?

Attractive, Beautiful or Pretty

Before I start, I would like to thank my friends downstairs for helping ease the tension by making me laugh (yeah...and nearly falling off the chair too). A special one to N., for being good natured, and taking in all the ribbings and jibes for ladies who are more AWARE (hahaha) and hyper-sensitive when the fairer sex is made as the topic of discussion.

As the sayings go ," Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder", or that "Beauty is skin-deep." But woe betide a married man should he be asked which category his wife belongs to. I am not telling the answer...for like Bassanio in Merchant of Venice, his wisdom lies in the choice of the three boxes that Portia's father made him choose.

But that is besides the point.
Is there really a distinction between a woman who is attractive, pretty, lovely, sexy and beautiful?

This question was raised because one of my dear friend's husband said this, "My dear significant other, you are beautiful...but you are not what I would consider as being pretty."
Hahahahaha....like I have said before, "Hell knows no fury like a woman 'scorned'."
This is one conversation that I am sure he will never likely forget.

But for the rest of us (4 of whom were women vs 1 only male), we had a whale of a time defining our standards of 'beauty'. ..and at one point, we were also discussing what was it that we women consider beautiful, and what is beauty in the (roving) eyes of the opposite gender.

In the middle of all that gales of hearty laughter, we found ourselves pondering over this. In this age of 'artifical beauty'...we still find women seeking the elixir of the fountain of youth, what is true beauty?

Physical appearance, character, charm & charisma, and values.
To me, a beautiful woman (no matter how cliche) has the total package.

Do you agree?

Should I forget to remember you...

As I read through my previous entries, I know that May will be the time when I see a lot more 'down' mood...it is a time when I remember poignantly two very important people in my life - my two grandmothers. Their passings have left gaping holes which can never be filled.

I am not sure if I can find an English equivalent to the word 'rindu'...an aching longing for someone, or something which is not in your life at the moment. And that 'rindu' in my case, is utterly heart-wrenching...for both remarkable ladies, lived their last days, with very little memories of who and what they were.

Alzheimer's disease is something which we all need to know and understand...for once the most powerful organ in your body starts deteriorating, then it is not only your memory that will be erased...sometimes, the rest of your body also 'forgets'... for the brain is no longer able to send correct signals to the rest of the organs to carry on their functions.

We all tend to be forgetful...and as age catches on, we tend to be absent-minded and can't think straight. We should not laugh this off. If we allow our minds to stagnate and make excuses for not getting involved in some kind of mental exercise, we are really asking for trouble.

In a way, I am glad I am penning down my thoughts...that should I forget things, I hope that the physical evidence of the things I do, can help me jolt my brain.

But should I forget to remember you...
Do keep telling me who you are
and how important you have been in my life.
Remind me ... that I once knew you...and that you are special...

If I can't recall...
Take my hand, and place it in yours
So I can feel the warmth
and put it across to your heart
So I will know...you mean so much to me.

If I should forget your name,
Gently whisper it in my ear
Tell me again and again how dear you are
Wipe your tears and let mine flow
But never, for a moment, let me go.

Should I ever forget to remember
my only wish...
Is that...you'll remember me.
-Starlightmoondancer 2009 -

Social Responsibility - the Orange Alert

The other night, on the news, something interesting caught my attention.
This young man had just arrived in Hong Kong, and had just stepped into the hotel lobby to check in. Barely two minutes later, he was told that the hotel was quarrantined, and that he had to be isolated for at least a week.

"This is so unfair...I have not even checked in, and now I am a prisoner?" was his indignant question.

Does he have grounds to complain?

This is one of the best examples to illustrate on the need of awareness and social responsibility of the individual. While it seems a little drastic to many, I feel that is better to err on the side of caution.

Hong Kong and Singapore have learnt bitter and hard lessons from our SARS experience. We have seen how we were almost brought to our knees by the unseen enemy, and how it takes each and everyone to be socially responsible in this fight against a possible pandemic.

Yes, we do have a "KS' mentality...but being prepared and being cautious is now a must; when you really do not know how volatile the situation can be, and how swiftly the disease can spread.

We all have experienced colds and sniffles. It is so common to be struck down by flu. But we need to remind ourselves constantly about personal hygiene and public hygiene. I still see people sneezing and wheezing away...(the louder the better)and tissue paper being thrown all over except the dustbins.

However said that life is always going to be fair?
In Kantian terms, we do what is ethically right...for the sake of the larger masses. And even when the larger masses is inconvenience, we always need to do good for humanity.

Yes...the temperature taking exercises and safety measures put into place may seem challenging to some, but I applaud the effort of all those involved. We really cannot afford to slip up.

Life does go on as normal...only with us being more socially responsible.
Remember...it all begins with me.

Restless & Unsettled

It has almost been a year since I moved my blog to this site. And as I read back my previous entries, I found that while most of my entries have been written specifically for some people, now I tend to pen down more personal ramblings.

Do you what is hard? It is having to balance between the public and private me...and how being in the line that I am in, I have to make the conscious effort to edit my thoughts.

In the past, I used to write in diaries. I still keep many of them...a little faded now in my scrawled writing. They are too precious to be thrown away...even though there are many, many embarrasing entries. But most of the time, they are the truth...about how I felt at that moment.

A blog is different...when one writes in a blog, one knows that it will be read...sometimes by people that you would never expect to read them. And this could have many repercussions.

A while back, I received a private response...someone who said "Get real...you are so fake."
That disturbed me a lot...for I have tried not to step on other's toes, and refrain from making unnecessary comments. I have always invited feedback from those who read...but I was not prepared for a personal attack like that...especially since I do not know the identity of the person who made that remark.

I suppose that I am still very much a dreamer...who hopes that good will somehow prevail over the bad and evil. But what happens what hope runs thin?

Sometimes, when things do not go well, I find myself in a precarious situation. It would be oh so easy to just throw in the towel and give up...retreating to a corner will be the safest thing to do. But in life, there will be always hard choices to be made...and we have to do things which we will never be completely happy about. I hold up the mirror to keep reminding myself that I need to be accountable for the words I have said, and the values I uphold.

But I am so restless...
I need to get back on a even keel..
I feel like a boat without a rudder.
...and I need to find my way again.

Dear God,
I need your strength now...to make me understand and make sense.
Everything happens for a reason...and I need the courage to be able to accept too.
Ameen