Auld Lang Syne

Auld Lang Syne

Goodbye 2008. It has been a momentous year.
A year of of personal challenges and triumphs; of losses and gains; of friendships tested and new bonds built.

I hope that 2009 will be just as interesting.
There are so many things I hope to happen.
My own resolutions are plenty...which I hope I will be able to carry out successfully.

Happy New Year to all who read this blog.
May 09 bring a lot of good things and an abundance of blessings and prosperity.

*** In 2 weeks, some very important results will be released.
Meanwhile...the wait is excruciating for some...who are on tentherhooks, and full of self-doubts. I share the same sentiments...
But lets face this together...

Food for Thought

Food for Thought

Today was a good day for learning and raising self-awareness.
As usual, we had our year-end school-based workshop...and this morning's talk by Mr Jason Wong was the most heart-felt and inspiring ones I have heard in a long time.
I have been talking about change of mindsets and perspectives...and guess what, whatever he said somehow made all the right connections.

Who is Jason Wong?
Well, he was the man who probably transformed our prison systems into one with a heart...He spearheaded the yellow ribbon project...and was partly responsible for a transformational change in the way we give even the most 'hardcore' of people...a new lease in life.

There are many takeaways from his hour long speech. He claims not to be a motivational speaker, but he spoke from the heart...and the whole beauty of it all was that, all that he touched on...are relevant to the situation I face in school; and in life.

One of the most profound statements he said is this.
"Before you can start doing...you have to start seeing first."
Let me put this into context...We are often in a hurry to do and do a lot of things. But how many times have we been able to visualise the process and the outcomes we want in mind?

"I saw the angel trapped in stone, and I set him free" - Michelangelo, the sculptor, was able to see beyond the hard piece of marble, and loving carved his beautiful creation. How many of us may not be artistically gifted as him...but are we able to see beyond the physical side of things?

He posed something else as food for thought. How many times have we been able to 'see' the potential in our children...and students. Or are we sometimes held back by our own fixed mindsets.

Very often, the institution where I teach prides itself with the tag "a journey into refinement"...and that we feel our we have a noble job of a master craftman who carefully cuts and polishes gems. But...I question myself here...how much have I contributed to this belief? How much have my actions proved to be true to that statement?

If a change is to take place, it must begin with me.
So while I make this new journey...I must know the direction I want to take, and must not lose sight of the values that anchors me in life.

I am still in the process of making resolutions for 09. And today's talk has affirmed that I must not lose sight of the belief that there is good in each and every child who comes under my wing.

I think, under the yellow ribbon advertisments, there is this tag line "We must always look for the sparkle, even though we are trained to look for flaws!" Wow! Whoever came up with that, I salute you...for something so simple and meaningful. I hope that I will always be reminded of that when I find myself so worked up when face with challenges in class.

Hmmm...there are so many things I feel I want to write about.
But I shall leave them for another entry.

Dear God,
It's so amazing how you have shown me the light and your Nur in so many ways. Thank you for putting my mind at ease, and helping me prepare for the journey I am going to undertake. Grant me the self-awareness to be able to understand all that has happened, is happening, and will happen in Your grand scheme of things.
Ameen.

Let Go...for Time will Heal

Let Go...for Time Will Heal
(to the one who is hurting)


Yesterday, I wrote about moving on...having a shift in mindset and perspectives. I think before we can move on, we should also examine some of the things that are stopping us from making progress...for we are sometimes chained to our past.


One thing for sure is that we cannot change the past. That is the reality of the situation. Neither can we predict the future )no matter how advanced we are today)...for there are so many factors coming into play. We need to be careful that we do not allow ourselves to be stagnant, or in a limbo because we cannot move forward nor backwards.


I think those of us who stive for perfection will find ourselves disappointed over and over again. Man proposes, and God disposes may seem rather scary to some...but that is the truth. Life's circumstances are not always what we wish them to be, and that things do not go as planned. When that happens, there is always disappointment, sadness, and even pain.


I am the first to admit that yes, it is very difficult to shake off the "What ifs..." "If only..." and "Why me?"...the past is best left in the past...Yes, we need to learn from our mistakes...so that we are not likely to make them again.


We will always remember pain..but do not allow it to consume us. I think the one thing we do have control over is our own values and emotions. Fate and destiny cannot take that away...really. We need to rebuild and restore our lives...no matter how broken the pieces may seem.


To recover...we need to let go...
To regain hope...we must heal all wounds
To reclaim our lives...we must believe in the positive
To grow...we must be renew the faith we have...in God, and ourselves.
There is very little that hurt us once we release our minds and spirits from what we have allowed ourselves to think.


For a special someone...I hope I make sense...
May you find comfort and reason in what I have said.
I will always believe in you....

Salam Maal Hijrah

Salam Maal Hijrah


This evening, at sunset, marks the beginning of the new Islamic year. So I am 'celebrating' new beginnings twice within the week. Instead of marking the event with countdowns and merry-making, I am taking the opportunity to reflect on the things that has happened; and most importantly, think about mortality with the passing of time.


2008...an eventful year. On a larger scale, the world has seen its fair share of upheavals, of pain and suffering, of disasters and catastrophes, of triumphs and victories.


I have had my own fair share too; with personal successes...and failures. Of good things and bad; and of very scary moments.


Sometimes, I envision my life slipping away as the sand falls through the hourglass.It is a frightening thought, but one that really helps me put a lot of things in life into focus. How do I live life to the fullest, and at the same time, live, as if I will not live tomorrow?


Hijrah...it means basically 'to move'
So today, I suppose will mean a move towards something better, something that would improve the qualities I have as a human being. A paradigm shift in mindset would also be in order...so that I can find room for me to grow as a wife, mother, child, teacher, and friend.


It's a time for quiet prayers today.

Dear God,
Thank you for all the blessings I have received in life; those I can see, and those that I take for granted.
I seek for forgiveness for my faults, my flaws, my misdeeds and my sins.
Guide me to become a better person, and help me through this journey of my life.
Help me be strong spiritually to meet the challenges I face.


Grant me the wisdom to make learned choices that will determine the steps I take.
Protect me from my own weaknessess...so that I will falter less.
Show me the way to peace and serenity.


Please also bless and watch over the important people in my life...My hubby, my kids, my parents and extended family. Help them through their journey too, with acceptance and the will to keep on improving themselves.


A special prayer too...for my friends..both old and new.
For my beautiful 'children' who over the years, have enriched my life. [and for a special child, E, who returned home today]


And finally, a prayer for the world...
May the new year bring hope and love...for all of Allah's creations.
Ameen...Ameen...Ya' Rab bal Al-amin.

Happy New Year everyone.


p/s: the creator of my old blogskin did something to it...hence I 'lost' the design...now trying some to see if any suits me.

Jelly Legs

Jelly Legs

Not long ago, I wrote about all the phobias I think I have. Yup, my idiocyncracies are plenty, and they manifest themselves in many ways. But as age catches up with me, I think I am becoming more and more moronic.

Case taken in point...
Last night I went to have dinner with the hubby and kids at the airport(Yea..great bonding time lately). We took the bus down to T1 and took the shuttle to T2. Had a nice dinner with the kids talking endlessly.

So far, so good.
Now of course...if I go to the airport, no trip there would be complete without without a visit to my most favourite shop...Candy Empire! But it was getting late, and T3 is on the other side of the road. I was contemplating whether or not to top up my supplies of Cadbury Flakes.

Apparently, Zarifah has friends who has shown her 'short-cuts' (Aha! My girl has been gallavanting huh?!!!) Anyway, I was told that the shortest route from T2 to T3 is to use the MRT station and "cross the bridge".

How bad can crossing the bridge be right? After all, I have been on overhead bridges often. Tat! Wrong answer. Not if that bridge is made of glass!

Those of you who have been to the Changi Airport MRT would have seen the transluscent glass floor. The ride down the escalator had already made me dizzy, and goose bumps were forming on my arms.

Then came the MISTAKE!.
My first step onto the glass floor was between the rubbery material and the hard glass. How do I describe the sensation? Immediately, all the senses went on high alert, and the legs turned to jelly. Instinctively, I gripped my hubby's hand.

I think I told you that my reaction to fear or pain will be to burst out laughing. So I must have been quite a sight. A hyper giggly 'auntie' who looked as if she had been high after sniffing glue.

I could not walk straight...( the Malays call it 'kengkang')and swaying left and right. Hey, the floor seemed so unsteady...I could not stop laughing...and had tears streaming down my face. So a 10 minute walk seemed like an eternity. I was drunk with fear! (much to the amusement of my kids)

So thank you very much...
The next time I decide to cross over from T2 to T3, I shall take the bus.
In the meantime, can someone help me?

The Faces in the Photograph

The Faces in the Photograph
(for the class of 1989-1993)

The one thing that is fun about spring cleaning is of course finding things that I thought had long been lost. One such item is the black and white photograph of my first batch of 'babies'

Why do I call them babies?
They are all grown up..probably between 33-34 now...Young men and women who have gone out and made their mark in the world. Some have settled down and have children of their own. Most have good jobs, and through Facebook, I have managed to catch up with a few of them.

Yet...like I have said before, there is something about these group of kids who grew up with me. As a young, naive teacher, I was full of ideals then. I had lots of dreams to being able to reach out to my charges, and filling up their minds with all kinds of knowledge.

Hahaha...sometimes, I think it feels as though I learnt more from my kids...than they learnt from me. I had lead a sheltered life; from a good home and family, and good schools. Nothing really prepared me for the various challenges I face dealing with the class 1N5....

How many times did I feel like giving up and throwing in the towel? Plenty...when I saw my idealism being shot down...and having to deal with real life issues which affected their lives. I felt dejected, deflated...demoralised...for all the images of educating young eager minds so very often get crushed by grim reality.

But...there were so many high points too...
We laughed and smiled...we fought and made up. We learned to forgive, and make up.

Thanks for the memories people.
You will always be special.

That's what friends are for

That's what friends are for

Some of my old friends have discovered Facebook...and mind you, in the hands of the 'older group', the social networking site has become a pretty powerful tool. People of my generation really use it to touch base with old acquaintances, and it has helped to get connected with long lost friends.

Unlike some of the younger crowd, it is not about 'collecting' as many friends as possible. We add mostly people we know, and some of us really keep the social circle small. And although Facebook is quite 'open', it still somehow feels cosy.(at least the way my circle has used it)

Hahahaha...
Most of my old friends are on a nostalgic trip down memory lane. You see, most of us are of an age where our kids are in secondary schools and college...And that of course, it one of the 'fun-nest' times of our lives. So when old pictures are posted, everybody gets so excited.

I have been very lucky.
At each stage of my life, I have had many wonderful friends.
People I played and grew up with; people who stuck with me through thick and thin.

But I must say that some of the most special ones...are my JC heroes.
When I made the move not to follow the crowd and go to Catholic Junior college with the rest of my friends, I never dreamt that I would cross paths with the group over at ACJC.

Those were really special times...with the good moments and the bad.
But a special mention to the following guys...whose friendship with me have grown till today...even with our extended families.
Thanks...Ahmad, Irzan, Naz, Fendi, Jimmy & Aziz...you know why.

This one's for you:

THATS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR - Various Artists

Confessions of a Harried Mum

Confessions of a Harried Mum
(who is losing her hair)

I think the things that happened this holiday have set me on a sharp learning curve...no, not the academic kind. I went to the school of hard knocks( ouch!ouch!ouch!)and learnt a lot of new things, unlearn some of the things I thought I know, and of course, re-learn some pretty cool stuff.

It's bad enough that I am an absolute klutz when it comes to domesticated matters, but somehow the idea of retail therapy to help revive the economy does not quite appeal to me lately. So staying home to play mum helped me discover a great deal about myself...and a homo sapien sub-species called children.

I am asking that age old question. How come my off-springs have such different personalities when basically the share the same genetic makeup? It's bad enough they all have little resemblance to each other, and come in assortment of sizes... it is like I was in the genetic pool potluck when I had them.

A tween, a teen and a teen-going-into-I-got-wings stage bring about very different set of problems. Not only are their tastes and interests varied, their needs are also varied...and oh, so are the problems.

And since I have been tagged to do that 10 Things People Do Not Know about me...here's the Dazed Mother's Version.

1. I get 'lost in translation' when I hear teenagers speak. All I hear is LOUD SOUNDS and DEMANDs...so when I don't quite 'geddit', I just stare into the child's face until he gives up even trying to ask.

2. When Zarifah was born, it was 11.25am on a Saturday morning. Why do I remember it so well? The TV was showing Mighty Morphin Power Rangers...and in the middle of labour pains...it was going "Go Go Power Ranger"! No wonder she went through a stage where she would not want to wear anything else but Power Ranger clothes (even on hari raya day!)

3. I believe in the power of positive reinforcement. To toilet-train Zafran, he was rewarded with a toy car each time he could use the potty. Hence the 300-odd cars we now have in collection (that alone cost more than what I saved on diapers!)

4. No child of mind is ever going to ride a motor-cycle. I have drilled it into their heads so that they can atomatically chant.."I can't ride a bike...for my Mama will cry!" Well, hooray for Mother Power...[god knows how long that mantra can stick]

5. When the two boys were younger, they both had their fair share of knocks and falls. Somehow, each suffered a black eye...and I had to be 'interrogated' by the doctor at the A&E to ensure that I had not physically abused my children!

6. My lullabies had a tendency to make the children cry rather than sleep...Akmal especially, will have tears running down his cheeks when he heard my rendition of "Nian Bo Bo"...sob.sob

7. I play an excellent 'pepsi-cola' or what-u-might-callit game...you know, the one with the handgrip, and people trying to thumb you down. The kids think twice about playing that with me.You see, while they can thumb me me...I can grip their hands in a gridlock...and they can't let go. (Wanna challenge Zafran?)

8. Akmal gets frustrated when he plays 'tickle monster' with me. As a mum, I know all my kids most vulnerable and ticklish spots. So I can tickle them until they beg for mercy...Unfortunately, they do not know mine!

9. No one in the house gets to buy their hari raya clothes until I get mine done...(and sorry kiddoes...I look horrible in black...and too fat in white)...hmmm shall I get pink next year guys?

10. No matter how big the issue, or how complicated...I know I will win...Why? All I have to tell the kids is this: "I am your mother...." Kekekeke


I know the above was done tongue-in-cheek...but seriously, it is tough being a mother. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and it is a constant -on-the-job' training that I get to do every day. But I love it, and wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

Idiot Proof Spaghetti

Idiot Proof Spaghetti
(Things to do during the holidays)

I know that some of you say that you are bored stiff staying at home not knowing what to do. So why not pick up a new skill? Cooking is something that you can learn, and it can be quite easy actually.

I must say, I am NOT a great cook...but thanks...some of you who have come over seem to enjoy what I have served you, and really, so far, no one has died of food poisoning. And I remember how one group (of 3 people) polished off a whole pot of sabsuka in one sitting....wow!

Let me say that as a working person, one of the secrets of cooking is to enjoy the whole process of experimenting. To save time, I use bottled or canned sauces, or other pre-mix stuff...but...you must always add 'secret ingredients'. This makes whatever stuff you are cooking actually taste better.

So here's my challenge to some of you there.

Idiot Proof Spaghetti
1.500g minced beef (hey...thaw first...kekekeke don't lump the whole frozen chunk puhlez)...{vegetarians / and non-carnivores,...get yourselves lots of fresh mushrooms)

2. 1 Bottle of Leggos Spaghetti Sauce ( I like mushroom)or the brand of your choice

3. 1 onion (chopped...if you are lazy...just slice)

4. 3 tablespoons olive oil

5. pinch of Italian seasoning (find this at the spice counter)

6. 3 teaspoons of sugar.


How to make the sauce:
a) Heat saucepan. Add the olive oil.
b) Add chopped onions. Stir to 'sweat onions' (meaning - do not let it burnlah!)
c) Throw in the minced beef (or chicken)...stir till meat is nicely browned.
- for vegetarians...this is when you may want to saute your mushrooms.
d) Add the italian season and stir till there is a nice smell...(again...not burnt!)
e) Pour the sauce into the mixture. Add water to the bottle (about half) so as not
to waste the bits...and add. [do not add if you want your sauce thick]
f) Add in the sugar and pray..."God, please let this taste delicious".
g) Let it simmer over a slow flame for about 15 minutes.

Now here is the secret to good pasta. For an inexperienced person, it is tough to get the pasta el dente (just nicely cooked lah). So when you purchase the pasta...go for angel hair, or vermicelli instead of spaghetti (basically, they just differ in terms of thickness). Angel hair works best cos it cooks faster, and seems to absorb the sauce better.

Pasta.
1. Place water in a large pot (big enough to submerge the pasta).
2. Add a dash of salt and oil to the water.
3. When the water is boiling vigorously (there must be bubbles...like jacuzzi),add the angel hair.
4. Work with a pair of tongs, so that you can test the pasta. It will be springy...not soggy.
5. Once cooked, toss the pasta in a colander to drain. "wash' with cold water to stop the cooking process...and drizzle oil over the spaghetti to prevent it from sticking.


You can then serve the food immediately.
Add eggs if you wish and some salad, or top with with parmesan cheese (those who like the smelly stuff).

Try ok? You will not regret it?

Writer's Block?

Writer's Block?

Haha...It's seems my brain is also taking a break.
I can't seem to be able to finish up any entry for the past few days. So I have daily doses still stored as drafts, in incomplete form.

I know I am not a prolific blog writer. Though there are times when I feel like the words can just flow, and my fingers just keep typing on the keyboard.

Time heals...and it is good to withdraw once in a while.
Sometimes, in order for us to move forward, we need to retreat within our own selves, to re-discover certain things.

Once such discover is this...
We need to let go of the past...we learn from experiences that have shaped us. It should not hold us back. It is our fears that put us in a fix. So the most important thing is that , we also learn to forgive ourselves too...and make amends with the inner turmoil.

Trust me, you will be a stronger person because of it.

I Want to hold Your Hand

I Want to Hold Your Hand
(random musing)

I think that besides air, water and food (in that order), the next basic human need is the sense of touch...by another human hand. Of course, this can happen in many forms; from a simple handshake to a warm embrace, we all can do much better when we make the connection with another human being.

When a baby is born, and all his Moro reflexes are activated, you will see him appear 'startled'. In our culture, babies are swathed and bundled snuggly - so that they feel safe and secure (though babies nowadays are left 'free'...no wonder these kids are so active and hyper). But watch babies, and how they are soothed by cuddles, and how the simple back rubs to 'burp' them calms them down.

We all know this feeling...the effect that the gentle, comforting touch has on us.
(I emphasise on the word 'gentle'...for some of you out there are laughing now, I know. How come a claustrophobic person like me speak so glowingly about the power of a touch when I am jumpy when people come to close?)

Maybe let me put this into my perspective.
In my religion, it is 'frowned upon' and not permissible for the opposite genders to touch as long as there are no blood ties. So I am not propogating that.

This is what I think we should reflect upon.
I am glad, that my children, still enjoy their hugs and occasional kisses on the forehead as signs of affection...that they 'salam' (kiss the hand) of their Mama before they leave, and as they come home...for I feel respected.

I am happy that my children do reach out for my hand when we walk around, and now, lead me to cross the road...and throw spontaneous hugs in their way of saying thank you...for I feel appreciated.

I am glad that my hubby make me hook my arm on his...and that, to this day, we still are able to hold hands in public...for I feel loved.

I am grateful that my parents still ruffle my head, or run a hand down my face...for I feel blessed.

And in school, I am glad that on occasions, I am able to place a comforting hand on a shoulder,a high-five with one who has achieved success, or even hold someone's hands as I watch the tears fall...for I feel useful.

Family does come first you know...the people who matter most in your life.
So if you have read this, and understood...go and affirm the people who mean so much with you with the power of a touch...

Can you high 5 me? (and tag if you are done?)

Touch Base

Touching Base

I have not written over the past few days. But this is not going to be a super-duper long entry.

The most important thing which took place this past week was about reconnecting with people...the past, and the present. I managed to take a break completely from school, and it did me a lot of good.

Monday was a day of remembrance. Almost a year ago, my husband, mum and I were among the millions of Muslims who performed our obligation of the Haj pilgrimage. It was a time of forgiveness seeking, and the atonement of our worldly sins. Never have I felt so small and humbled in the vast sea of humans.

Because the rayas have come close in December these past few years, Cik Yam would have turkey served for raya. I think only in Singapore are we able to find a fusion of food served on festive occasions. The big bird was more than enough to feed 5 families...complete with lip-smacking desserts like trifle and strawberry shortcake.

I went MIA from school at Aloha Changi. The view from Chalet D was fantastic, and we were blessed with cool but sunny weather. What a wonderful way to unwind, and get away from the madding crowd.

The icing on the cake was meeting my babies. (what happened to the class of 96?) But anyway, most of the people whose company I enjoy were there...lets see, I had 02,03,04,05,07,08 represented. It was a time to catch up with very nice people, and thanks for the many many chocolates I got (hahaha...all remembered my M&Ms)...and a special thanks to my Sky...for your concern.

But I must not forget the other people who have 're-entered' my life.
Facebook, has helped me to touch base with some of my 'lost' kids...so hello to the bunch to left such uplifting messages on my wall.

And of course,...my 'kakis' from ACJC. Thanks to Naz, now my students are able to see me as I was, a crazy teen, years ago. But...that's what friendship is all about...especially one that has endured and grown in strength through the years.


Pray for today
Dear God, Thank you for your blessings. I understand how important family and friendship ties can be, and how they are forged. I am thankful that in your Great Design, you have helped me to cross paths with so many others who have made my life very rich and fulfilling indeed. Ameen

The Power of the Mind

The Power of the Mind
(for a dear sweet child)

This entry is for those who seem to be banging into walls each way you turn.

One of the hardest things to do is actually to be your own best friend.
We tend to be critical of everything, including ourselves at times.

As humans, we are not perfect...we are flawed.
But instead of giving up, and giving this as an excuse not even to try is not going to help us solve our problems. We need to believe in ourselves first...if we really want to make a difference. We must have that confidence to try, and go for the things we dream about.

It's ok to dream...But dreams must come with a purpose who that we can be motivated to take action as we pursue our goals. Sometimes, we are afraid to taking risks, and pull ourselves down. But how can be be afraid of failure when we have not even tried? We paralysed our hopes and aspirations when we think we cannot...

If you be your own best friend, you are able to do what best friends do for each other. You can be your own supporter, your cheerleader; and you can also stand back, and give yourself constructive feedback. We need to be able to evaluate our own strengths and weaknesses, and learn to accept criticism without thinking negatively.

I hope you remember that there is absolutely no one who goes through life without difficulties and worries. It is how you cope with your adversities that will make a difference.

Do you realise, that your most powerful organ, is your mind? As cliched as it may seem, may people believe in the power of the mind over the body. The body and spirit can take a beating, but the mind should be able to conquer...if you allow it to.

Hang in there...please.
Don't lose sight of what is truly meaningful in the life you are seeking.

Take care.
I will pray for you.

Love,
Mummy Dee

Another 'Kid' to Love

Another "Kid" to Love

Sigh...I did it again. There are no reasons why...and don't ask me how it happened.
I adopted another 'kid'...this time round, it is the 4-legged kind.

Most of you would know that I already have 3 Divas at home.

There is Holly, a beautiful silver tabby which I brought home from the SPCA. She has kohl-lined eyes, and is the kind of cat that thinks she owns me...not the other way round. Up to today, she is the Alpha Female, and insists that she eats atop the counter so that she is physically 'higher' in status than the other two.

Squicky and Queen came as a pair. They are pure-breeds, mind you, and yet, I did not pay a cent for them. I adopted them when they were given away by their owner. Squicky is a quirky smoky persian who has an indomitable sense of adventure. Sigh...I think I have spent a fortune on her collars...which somehow mysteriously disappear each time she leaves the house.

Queen is a mild-mannered Ragdoll with such a blur disposition that she has been dubbed "Duh Queen". She is manja, and loves to sleep under my neighbour's golf umbrella so that she is shielded while she 'suntans.' Despite her clueless personality, I think she is sneaky enough to get away with a lot of naughty things.

There is an uneasy treaty in the house...and clearly marked territories. Holly's kingdom basically is Zafran's bedroom, and conquers his bed. Queen loves my bed, while Squicky...sleeps wherever she pleases.

The 3 Divas...cannot stand each other, so they go out of their way to avoid each other.

So now how...
I have gotten Murphee...a snow-shoe Birman. Actually, she came as a set, with Bluebell, a grey american shorthair...but my sis decided to keep Bluebell. Their owner, actually loves them to bits, but she is very ill, and is unable to care for them. She was weeping quietly when we took her beloved cats away.

Will world war III break out in my home?
Stay tuned...(for I expect all hell to break loose when you have 4 'women' in the house).

Oh Really?

Oh Really?

I want to share something I found quite interesting. After almost 20 years dealing with teenagers, I found out that there is something known as ODD.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder(ODD)...apparently is an 'illness' that inflicts teenagers. As you can guess from the name, teens who suffer from this ailment...wil simply go out of his/her way...to openly rebel, and go against whatever they do not agree with. In short, they are often confrontational, and needs to have life THEIR OWN WAY!


Oh my...
So it is now the easiest excuse to give whenever an angst-ridden, moody, melancholic,angry teen lashes out against whatever he thinks as 7$$@! toot ! toot!? It is bad enough sometimes having to hold my tongue, and skirting my way through explosive mood swings of some of the young minds I teach...But personally, I still feel that whatever terms you call it, one should never allow to throw explosive tantrums, and be outrightly rude just to suit his whims and fancies!

Years ago, I had a child...who I can really label as lazy, insolent and have no respect nor regard for authority. I pretty soon found out why: When I spoke to the indulgent mother...she was ... you tell me.

According to the mother...under no circumstance must SHE offend, or hurt his feelings. SHE had taken so long to conceive this child "sent from heaven", and...the temple medium had told her that he must be "treated like king"...as he was a "reincarnation of some HIGHER BEING!"...

What am I to say?...Excuse me for breathing in the same air, O mighty one?
Puhlez...

An appeal to parents:
Remember, all children are born with 'clean slates'. It is really up to you to mould, guide, teach, educate and raise them well. They do mirror your own actions...and the way they behave, sometimes, is a reflection of you. So think...and do the right thing.

Make A Difference

Make A Difference
(Self-Reflection)

This year, the school decided to go MAD (not literally of course...though there were days when I thought I was heading for the loony-bin; but that is a different story).

M.A.D. - Make a Difference
This is the tagline that is quite commonly used by organisations and individuals all around the world. It is a call to everyone, to make, create and do any action, that will leave a positive impact on others.

"I am only one, but I am one.
I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
- E.E.Hale -

As I take stock of the events of this year, I wonder how much I have really lived up to that line. Have I really made a difference...to something, or someone? I am not really sure, but I think I have tried. And though I do not know the impact my actions and deeds, I will take the opportunity to thank those who have MAD me.

This is my affirmation to all my unsung heroes...

My parents...whose guidance and support I cherish
My Hubby and kids...

My dearest friend, Faz,...who stood by me
My sis, Nanis...for keeping me sane
My mentor...have believing in me
and my kids...who helped me re-discover the purpose of vocation.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart,
for making a difference in my life.

Thank you, thank you , thank you.

Grateful to be alive

Grateful to be Alive.

Instead of whining, complaining, venting and raving, today becomes a day to give thanks.

The heavy rain that fell...reminds me of how humid and hot it can get during dry spell.

The bland food I ate...reminds me of the article on how mothers cook tree barks to feed their hungry children.

The little discomfort I experienced...reminds me of how others suffer even more.

There are many grouses in life...
But they will always seem insignificant to the greatest gift God has given us...

Dear God...thank you for keeping me alive.

A Memo from Mom

A Memo from Mom
(in response to "A Memo from your child" article)

A year ago, I posted the article "A memo from your child" (author unknown). Today, as a harried mum of three children (and many other special kids), I decided to write something in response [something like what they do on Youtube].

My dear children,
You have all grown up so fast. When you were younger, there were days when I wished that you would all be up and about, without me having to worry about night feeds and boo-boos. And I know, as I look at the mirror and see the wrinkles and grey hairs, I know that it is in my mind's eye that you are fixed at a certain age. So, since I will still always be your mum, here are some things I want you to remember.

1. Don't laugh at my views of things. I am not as narrow-minded and old-fashioned as
you think. I am strait-laced at times...because I care.

2. Don't think that I am too strict and rigid. I have to instil a sense of self-
discipline in you...so that you can live in a world of rules.

3. Don't think that I only know how to nag...worry more if I don't.

4. Don't shut me out of the things you do...for I still am very much a part of your
lives.

5. Don't laugh at my incompetencies to cope with the latest technologies...for you
are the product of a very different world from mine.

6. Don't give me 'heart attacks' by the impulsive and unexpected things you may find
exciting...I want to live long enough to see my grandchildren.

7. Don't compare me to the parents of your friends...Yes, they may have more money,
more freedom and more indulgences...but I have never said no unneccessarily.

8. Don't scoff at my values...these are the things I believe will keep you anchored
in turmultous times.

9. Don't think I will be forever 'young'...as you grow and spread your wings, I am
growing old too.

10.Do always remember that all (ok...almost all) of my actions towards are governed
by the fact that I want nothing, but the best for you.

I may have made many mistakes as a parent, and I may have stumbled along the way. I may not have made the right choices. But I am very clear on certain these 2 things.
I am very proud of all of you...and I will always love you.


Signed with Love,
Mama

I Really don't want to know

I Don't Want to Know

I am sure that there are many things left unsaid...and not explained. Today was one of those days...No, let me rephrase that statement. Today something happened that made me really not want to know what is going on.

I have told you about 'the other side' of what I sit. My desk is partitioned in such a way, that I cannot see my 'neighbour'...Now, there is no one beside me physically. The last human occupant has moved.

Yet...
There is still something there.
The soft clicks of the keypads being typed on, the squeaks of the chair, the quiet, but heavy breathing sounds all suggest that there is somehow, someone...something there.

Last week, I went to check...In brought daylight, there was a tingle in my spine and I cautiously tried to find out the source of what had put all my senses on full alert. I saw nothing...But when E when to check minutes later, there was someone...Oh...ok...but I definitely did not see anything earlier.

And today...when the rain fell suddenly, there was lightning.
The power tripped...and immediately darkness fell over the room...but not quite.
The lights...at the other side...was still 'alive'...Great right?

No...not great...
How can the other lights, controlled by the same switch have tripped, and not that one?
We looked up at the sensor alarm...all the rest were dead...except for the one above mine...blinking red..at irregular intervals.

And even though the airconditioning had shut down...I was shivering (in fear? of cold?) All the hair had stood on ends..

It was definitely a signal that we had to leave...
I know the presence was kind enough not to let me grope in the darkness...but it was just too scary for me to stay...

Gulp...what more can I expect?

It's the little things that matters

The Little Things that Matters

Today, is another day to count my blessings.
I finally took the time off from the other stuff to be with my children...and I am so happy that I did.

First stop was school...when I was given the cutest present ever. Thanks to my godsons, C & J, ...who told me that no matter what, I must wear and use what they have bought for me all the way from China. Yup, knowing how much I love turtles and tortises, I got a pair of He and She turtles slippers, and two more flippered ones which I have named Funky and Punky. (oh yes...I have forgiven you for kidnapping Zoom!)

Akmal love being with being two 'kor-kor' who..in some ways behave a little childishly like him. Zafran and Zarifah I guess, were more than happy to have the little one off their hands. we ate a nice meal at Swensons, being kept amused by the trio. (the food though, was a little bit over-rated).

Next stop...had to make Akmal's new EZ-link card for the nth time. Seriously...If his head not together with the rest of his body, I guess , it too would have mysteriously gone for a walk. We then went down to e-hub to decide whether we would want to bowl, or catch a movie. The bowling alley was so crowded, so we settled for Madagascar 2. It's not too bad on weekdays when the kids could have students rate, and I had the one for one movie promotion with the new Fairprice card.

It was great to be able to laugh...and unwind...and Moto-moto does really look familiar (hehehehehe). I guess I should have brought my glasses for it was only after the show that the migraine developed.

Next stop...Hei Sushi.
It never ceases to amaze me how Zafran loves raw fish and eel...Akmal can down tamago, while Iffah..., well, she prefers the tempura dishes. Well, they can eat a lot more if they go to Sushi King.

It has been a good day...and I am glad I got the time to reconnect with the kids. It makes everything seem oh so worthwhile.

Prayer for Today
Dear God...please help me make the right choices...and create beautiful memories with the kids...I thank you for the blessings of Life itself...and the joy of being with those whom I love. Ameen

Death Be Not Proud

A Good Read - Death be not Proud

Don't worry...I am not going to subject anyone to reading John Donne's sonnet "Death be not Proud." However, if you ever have the chance to lay your hands on the book of the same title by John Gunther, let me tell you that it is one of the best books you'll ever read.

I can't remember when I first read that book; maybe it was in primary school. But I remember it being a compelling autobiographical story...of the writer coming to terms with his son's illness. Johnny Gunther, was a lively, outgoing and intelligent teen who was struck by brain tumor.

The novel traces the real life events of Johnny' struggle with his crippling disease, and his parents anguish at seeing their son suffer. The writing is simple, and yet oh-so poignant. It's a heartbreaking tale...and yet, a celebration of a strong human spirit that refuses to be defeated.

Johnny refused to let cancer defeat his spirit. He really had a zest for life, and was there were many times in the book, I, as the reader, even questioned the unfairness of it all. Why did something so bad have to befall on him?

To top it all, they released the movie version of the book starring the then heart-throb, Robby Benson. He captured the sensitive character of Johnny Gunther to a T...and when Johnny died, I remember weeping buckets at the cinema.

I have always loved the books rather than the screenplay (yes...even the movie magic of Harry Potter cannot touch the magic of Rowling's imagination).

I am not sure if it is still possible to find a copy of the book. But if you are able to do so, please let me know.

Death be not Proud ... we all can learn a thing or two from it....about dignity, courage and an indomitable spirit...I know I have.

Those Were the Days...

Those Were The Days...

I went to the 1st Singapore World Aids Day Concert this evening. It was held at Fort Canning Park, under the night sky and beautiful stars. It was a great evening to be outdoors, for the weather was fine, and we laid the mats on the ground for a picnic.

I was there with my sis and her girl, and with Zafran, Zarifah and Akmal. It was Akmal's first 'adult' concert (Sesame Street, Disney & Barney do not count)...and it was great to see them having fun. Most of the stars were local groups Electrico, Stephanie Sun, Hossan Leong, DimSum Dollies and Hady Mirza (to name a few)

I thought I had long given up concerts...(especially after I told myself that the Osmonds would be my absolute last!)

However, I was lulled back to the days of jam and hops during varsity days. It was a time of music and dance, of being friends and making new ones....of the nights outside the library...and seranaded by the soothing melodic voices which were able to melt hearts.

I hope...that the music will still go on.

Prayer for today:
God, please bless Abah and Mak on their 44th wedding anniversary. Such is their love..still going strong. - Ameen

The Paintbrush

The Paintbrush
(poet unknown)

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.


I'm so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you'll do - that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.


I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.


So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.


Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.


I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone doesn't understand.


So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.


I am not sure how many of you remember this poem. But the classes who got that little notebook, and had to write their journals, would find a printed copy of this poem in there.

It deals with a person's insecurities...and tnat sometimes, we all hide behind some kind of facade. Hiding may not solve the problems, for we cannot run away forever.

We need to remind ourselves that we can never fully understand a person...and never allow ourselves to be blindsided by our prejudices, our biases, and our assumptions of what a person is like.

Lessons from a clown

Lessons from a Clown
(For my special child)

I know that the past weeks have not been easy. Though you wear a smile on your face, I am able to see through you. The colours around you are faded and dull, as if the problems of the world have sucked the lustre and vitality around you.

I see you...
even though the mask you wear is like a sealed armour,
and as you resist...
the only way I can get through to you is really to start peeling those hardened layers...one by one.
I will continue to do so. Remember...I've told you time and time again...we sometimes have to be cruel to be kind.

Today, I want to tell you something about clowns.
We all know that clowns are supposed to make people happy. Their job is to make others laugh at and with them; to put smiles on faces. They fill children with joy by their silly antics.

But do you really think that it is easy being a clown?

I read somewhere, that in reality, some of the best clowns in the world...are 'the saddest people' in the world. The reason for the irony is that it may really take a person who truly understands what it means to be down and out, to feel so low and disillusioned...that he is able to reach out to another. He is able to empathise, and thinks of the hurt and pain of others.

Then to hide his own sorrows, to puts on the layers of face paint...to mask his true self. He in turn gets some comfort in the thought of making someone else feel good.

I am not comparing you to a clown...don't worry. But I think you are perceptive enough to know what I mean.

Here's the thing I hope you will really think about as you face your challenges each day.

Life...does not really have to make sense sometimes.
There are things that we cannot understand, and cannot rationalise.
So don't try to understand everything - nothing is purely black and white.

Don't be afraid...
to allow your heart to rule your head at times.
to wear your heart on your sleeve...and let others know how you feel.
When things go right, celebrate and be grateful.
And if things go wrong...live with it..and still be grateful.

I know deep within you,
you are resilient, and perservering...
So don't allow yourself to feel disheartened to try to make things better.
There will be days...when you feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Bear it a while, and move on.

Live each day of your life to the fullest...
for your yesterdays will be of meaningful memories; and not of guilt or regrets
and your tomorrows...be the stepping stones to your destiny.

Take time to learn, and discover more about yourself,
for the inner journey is just as important as the outer one.
Make this learning a lifelong journey, for it makes you a better person.

There are so many things I want to tell you...but the most important now is this.
Never for once, think that you are alone...and that you have nobody.
You do...remember that.

I will end this entry with this poem by Walt Whitman.

"Each man and each woman of you I lead
upon a knoll.
My left hand is hooking you around the waist,
My right hand pointing to landscapes of continents
and the public road.
Not I, not any one else can travel the road for you.
You must travel it for yourself."

Prayer for Today
Dear God...bless and look after this child...and all the children of the world...for they hold the future. - Ameen

I'm able to think again

I Am Able to Think Again


After days of doing mindless chores and decluttering, I am quite glad that I signed up for the conference. Even if it means having to travel to the other end of the island (& getting up at an ungodly hour), so far, no regrets.

The keynote speaker spoke about the lessons (in educational context) that the East and West can learn from each other.

But the most pertinent question he posed to us was this:
What is the value of education and knowledge today?

In the past, the process of being educated, is seen as being more than important...It is seen as one of the ultimate aims of life.

But with the challenges of the world we face, is getting an education a means to an end? We were once told..."If you study hard, and do well, you will get a good job in future." Really? No wonder, in an age of instant gratification...the idea of having to ''work hard' for goals that they cannot immediately see is so hard to buy in.

Furthermore,,...look at the 'role models' of the world today.
Who are those whom the younger generation look up to...the popstars, the 'superjocks' and sports heroes. Prof. Elliot calls it 'anti-intellectualism'...a movement whereby the Geeks and people who strive to gain knowledge are not held in high regard.

I feel that in the end...one gets educated, and enjoy learning...more for its intrinsic worth.At least, it works for me.

"The Living Years"

The Living Years

One of the best lyrics ever written , I feel, is found in the song "The Living Years", by Mike and the Mechanics. The song, is deceptively simple. It is about a son, who upon the birth of his child, reflects upon his own tumultuous relationship with his father. He comes a full circle, for only when he is placed in his father's shoes, he is able to understand his dad's "spirit", and hears his "echoes".

I have used this song for my lessons, and I think, some of you out there, may remember this. There has always been a range of responses for this exercise...for those who could immediately understand the power of the lyrics...and those who stubbornly resist 'a futile sentimental exercise' for 'my parents will never change."

Do you burn bridges, or do you build them?

"Every generation, blames the one before,
and all of their frustrations, come beating on your door..."

The generation gap is the easiest excuse to use each time the parent and the child find themselves not being able to agree with each other. Really? Are they so different in their outlook and values? Are we really not able 'to see eye-to-eye'? The parent as the adult, thinks that he has absolute authority to impose his ways, for he has a right over his child...and of course, the child sees the parents' as unreasonable tyrants who make impossible demands and set ridiculous expectations?


"I know I am a prisoner to all my father held so dear.
I know I am a hostage to all his hopes and fears..."


It's tough being a child, a teen...but I must tell you that it is going to be even tougher being a parent ... to a teen. Almost all parents think it is their prerogative to decide what is best for their child...and sometimes, they forget that what they want may not be best for the child...


"You say you just don't see it, he says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement in this present tense
We all talk a different language, talking in defense"


So what went wrong? How did things go wrong?
I mean...if we look at the bigger picture of our imperfect world...when men can never fully agree, and war breaks out because there is no consensus, no harmony; I think we can trace it back to the very basic of most relationships...of that between a parent and a child.

I find the line "we all talk a different language, talking in defense" so compellingly true. How did the relationship become so complicated? I feel that one of the hardest thing to do as a parent sometimes...is to listen....to our children.
We hear a lot of sounds...a lot of chatter...a lot of noise, but how much do we listen and understand?

It takes to two hands to clap....and communication must be a two-way channel. As humans...we all seek to understand, and be understood in return. There is no perfection in this world...and so we need not strive for it...We strive to live our lives to the fullest of our abilities, and choose ways that will bring people together; not drive them away.

I feel, before we can even talk about world peace, and about saving the world...let us save ourselves, and the people who matter most.


So to all mums and dads out there, and also the children...let us give hope to the future...in our living years.

The Paradox of Life

paradox of Life

I found something worth pondering over while surfing over the net.
The extract below is from www.poeticexpressions.co.ok.
Kudos to the person who wrote such a simple, but oh-so-deep truths about how contradicting life can be.


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but
have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller
families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less
sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too
much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a
living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've
been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street
to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've
done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but
polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write
more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to
rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to
produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods, and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night
stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to
quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and
nothing in the stockroom.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is
the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your loved ones, but
most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from
deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for
someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to
speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


Beautiful right?

Maybe I shall add that to my own contradictions that seem to plague me.

I look, yet I do not see.
I hear, yet do not listen.
I touch, yet do not feel.
I yearn for simplicity, but get tangled up in complex webs...
Is there such a thing as honest lies?

Have I been asleep when I am awake?

Reaching for Sky

Reaching for Sky
(this one's for you)

A few years ago, I had a very special individual who went through troubled times. He made it through the rain...and came out stronger.
Recently, he encountered more obstacles, and is in danger of being caught into the turbulent maelstrom of his own emotions and self-beliefs.

I am sure you'll be able face this, Sky. Keep on believing.
Here is the same poem I shared with you back then...
I cannot share your load, nor take it all away. You have to stand on your own.
But as you remain resolute and strong, find yourself again.


You Caught Me A Rainbow

If you could catch a rainbow
You would do it just for me
and share with me its beauty
On days when there's melancholy

If you could build a mountain
for me to call my very own
A place to find solace, serenity
A place to be alone

If you could take all my troubles
You'd toss them in the sea
But remember all these thing you're looking for
are impossible to get...trust me

You cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But have been what you know best
My child, my friend....who's always there.


Shall we go and find the fire rainbow?

One, Two, Three, Four...there's more?

One, Two, Three , Four...there's more?

(This is for K,H and the babies of 2001)

I know some of you love ghost stories. So here is one...just not a conventional one. It is not meant to scare...but its authenticity can be vouched by the class of 4E2...

We wanted to do something special for the 35th Anniversary celebration..something memorable before we moved out of the old premises. After all, the fun fair was open to the public. So what better way to attract people to come than re-creating "The Haunted House".

We did not want a run-of-the-mill kind of attraction. The school had its 'reputation'of being visited by many an unearthly inhabitant of the 'netherworld', so it would be perfect to convert the old AVA room to engage in some good old-fashioned scare.

The kids were brilliant, creative...and made the idea come to fruit. With the yards of cloth , we turned the room into a series of maze-like paths...and at each pit stop, something was waiting to surprise the visitors. We had the full works...a mummy, the Phantom of the Opera (who sat at one corner,mask on...and just slammed the piano chords....er...who played that role?). There was The Grim Reaper (the costumes were awesome!), Count Dracula, Medusa (yes...in the dark, the snakes' eyes glowed), and ...our classic Pontianak.

I saw how...what seemed like a motley crew of people who could not get along, suddenly come together to bring the idea alive....and made the project so hush-hush, that others were intrigued. I knew a lot of people were skeptical...at what they thought was an amateurish effort to scare others.

So we charged $2.50 for a guided tour...A 'medium' holding a tap light in hand, would lead a group of 4-5 through the maze. (some people thought it would not even make money)....hahahaha...from opening our doors at 9.00am...to 4.30pm...we had no break...and earned more than $3K...(and poor 'creatures' who got kicked, poked, hit and screamed at...and could not have their food)

Where is the ghost story you may ask?
Let me describe the experience...Somehow, someone had lit some incense in the room...and in total darkness...there was an eerie, hazy...cloyingly sweet atmopshere created. My 'actors' took on their roles so much ...they did not speak...that at some point...I really could not figure who were behind the masks..

There were times...when I was not sure...for I seemed to have 'overcounted' when we did the roll call.1,2,3,4....eh...how come got extra?

And because of the cloth (or shroud?), who gave me feathery touches...or blew lightly at my nape?...and why did the aircon which always malfunctioned...made the room extra chilly? Where did the strange hums....or sudden wails come from?...so near yet so far away?

Do you know how many times the younger visitors came out in hysterics?
We had little primary school girls who were 'traumatised'...and had to conduct a 're-tour' with the lights on so that they can see the students as themselves...(but how horrified I was when they mentioned a 'ghost' that was not even on my list?)

Even the older ones...and some of my colleagues..were freaked out...by the last 'station'...at the corner of the room, was a 'nisan' (a tombstone head, a white diaper stained red...an ancient incense burner...and perched up on the ledge, before the exit..quietly, was Sara...all in white, and her long hair falling over her face...whispering "I ....see.....you..." ( hey...she did take a break...but why do people keep saying that 'how did you make her eyes so bloodshot')


There are certain things better left unasked...had we unwittingly invited other 'guests' to join in this haunting party of ours? The sombre music...the smoke...the chill...all added to an exciting day to remember.

Maybe ... someone has the answer...when the day was done, and when we all decided to take a picture...we 'found' an answer (I think)
On all of the photographs we took, there were vivid globs of light and shadows...of...what? who? Even the most cynical of teachers, our photographer, was intrigued...whose auras were they?

We cannot explain...we rather not know...

Counting My Blessings

Counting My Blessings

There are so many things to be happy about in life, and somehow, it does not have to be the big things.

Today, it has been the small thoughts and actions that helped me smile.

a)the chocolates that were placed by a kind soul on my table
b)getting started on organising my work
c)a big hug from a special friend
d)an sms from my son in HK to say he is fine
e)lunch with two friends I have not seen for a while
f)sharing a drink with a special child
g)quiet, productive moments in the room upstairs with 2 very helpful people
h)walking in the rain
i)more chocolates and a tub of Ben & Jerry's
j)a big bowl of hot, steaming chicken porridge.

Of course...the biggest blessing...is to be alive. Thank God.

Day of Reckoning

Day of Reckoning

I know I have been a little morbid lately. Today is no different...only that I will keep the entry short.

It has been a day of reckoning of sorts...
I know where I stand (or fall)
I realise my miniscule position.

I know for sure that the hand that feeds...is eventually the hand that gets bitten.
So what is new?

tomorrow?
tomorrow I find the answer to mortality...
to run against the sands of time.

Deathbed Legacy

Deathbed Legacy: What do you want to leave behind?

Sorry...I am at it again.
I suppose the quixotic quest is steering me into some taboo areas, but these are issues I need to deal with.

I remember during one of Dr Lim Guat Tin's lectures. She looked squarely at all of us, and candidly threw this question. "What is your deathbed legacy?". There was an audible gasp in the lecture theatre. What did that have to do with the topic of organisational learning?

How does one want to be remembered? What are the things we leave behind besides all our worldly possessions?

In Islam, I have the best example to follow. Prophet Muhammad (pbup)on his deathbed said,"I leave behind two weighty things: the Holy Quran, and my revered family. And he who holds firm to these two will never go astray."

Of course, that is the ultimate legacy...followed by Muslims all over.

But for flawed mortal like me...how do I want to be remembered? Or will I ever be remembered?

About two years ago, I had an uncle who suffered from prostrate cancer. He had married late in life, and his two children are about the same ages as mine. The illness took its toll on him, and his once much admired physique was reduced to skin and bones; ravaged by the terminal illness.

It was painful to watch him waste away. But his spirit remained admirable.
He went about...making preparations for his passing. He spoke to his children to prepare them, telling his son to be 'the man of the house.' He put his finances in order, so that the family will be provided for. He made his peace with all his friends, and sought forgiveness from everyone.

It was tough for us; who were praying for him to get well.
But the more we hoped for a miracle, the more openly he spoke about what he wanted done. He spoke about regrets, but he made the most of his last days.

A day before his passing, he had looked well, and we were lulled into thinking that he was on his way to recovery. He spoke over and over again of 'going home'.

After I recited a prayer into his ear, he took my hand, and beckoned me to come near. "I entrust you...to help look out for my son and daughter...their education." The voice was faint, but clear. My eyes brimmed over, as I watched the laboured breathing. "Don't cry. God loves me. I get to say goodbye." I clenched his cold, clammy hands, as if willing to transfer some of life's energy back to him.

His last hours were 'peaceful'. He had refused morphine to take away the pain, so that his mind would be clear, and that he could recite God's name. I thought that whenever he was lucid, he would gaze at his family, drinking in their images...

When he drew his last breath, only his wife was there, saying the last prayer for him. I knew that he got his wish, for no one else was there, by his bed, to cry.

In retrospect, he was indeed blessed...a man who got to leave a legacy of bravery and deep faith for his children to follow.

What will I leave behind?
God...show me the way.

In memory of Abdul Alim Sidik bin Abdul Hamid -
Al-Fatihah.

Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear to Tread

Fools Rush in where Angels Fear to Tread
- Alexander Pope -

I have been thinking a lot about mortality lately, especially since the issue of euthanasia was brought up. Pretty soon, I am sure, this will be officially tabled at a parliament sitting.

It is obvious that the public debate is heating up. The heads of some religious organisations have firmly said no. Many doctors (thank you Hippocratic Oath!)have come forward to voice their objections against what the other camp has advocated as 'mercy killing'.

On the other side of the fence, there are also many; especially from those who are facing illnesses themselves, who are pleading that euthanasia is indeed 'merciful' for one who is so very ill.

Both camps have their reasons for their very strong views on the matter, and I can expect a lot more discussion and debate on this matter.

In one of the letters to the FP, man wrote of his father's suffering, and of his "needless pain". Much to his chagrin, he wrote "I thought the doctors were cruel and misguided by a code of OBSELETE EHICS formulated more than 2 000 years ago." He then made an impassioned plea that the goverment improve the living will to allow "patients like my father to die in comfort and in dignity if they so wish."

The second article worth mentioning is "Allowing euthanasia is no panacea". A 72-year-old woman had also made a similar plea, for she says "there comes a time when life to the elderly is meaningless...and he or she does not want it anymore."

As mortals, we know we all live on borrowed time...and we mentally can envision the sands of time slipping down the hour glass.

I have very firm views again euthanasia...I am against it.
But I want to reflect on the idea of 'choice'.
Man have come to accept that that we have absolutely no say when it comes to matters like birth....that we cannot choose not to be born, nor can we choose our parents. That's divine right.

So can we really ever choose ' to die in comfort and dignity '? If the above logic applies...we may all wish for it, ...but it is beyond our hands.

Life...is short...
No matter how long you live, there will always be things that will not be fulfilled..

All is not lost...yet.
I will pray...that should my time come, I can leave, ready to face my Creator...that I have carried out my responsibilities and obligations, and that I I have lived a meaningful life.

Dear God,
When that time comes, be merciful...Ameen

of auras and vibes

Of Auras and Vibes...

The colours I sense are not right today...in fact the vibes are very unsettling.
I cannot put a finger on it. I think that the closest phrase to describe it would be the sensation of 'when someone walks over your grave.'

I am not able to fully comprehend, and sometimes, the signals are mixed and convoluted. That is why I think it is crucial to find the reasons why.

The freakiest experience was the other night. As a light sleeper, I am easily awakened by the slightest sound or movements. I had reached for the phone even before it rang. I wanted to speak, but I could hear a tirade of words being exchanged.

"Hello?" From being groggy, I bolted upright, for the prickly sensations tingled and put the nerves to full alert.

It was eerie...I know that there must have apparently be a crossed line. Who was trying to talk to me? My caller was silent...but there was a genuine conversation taking place...embedded between my caller and I.

I am sure we have, at some point eavesdrop. But this was different. It felt as if I was being forced to listen...to something, and do something

The voices were harsh...the tones were worried. This was no crank call. Obviously, the two parties on the line, could not hear me mumbling hello several times. So who had called me?

It was surreal because...'they' were speaking in a language I could not understand...but ...but...I can 'undertand'...to catch the nuances, to glean the meaning.

If you think I may have been dreaming, let me tell you this...My son was awakened when he heard me in worried tones. I passed the phone to him to listen...and his eyes too widened.

Don't ask me why I did not put end the call...Lets just say, something compelled me to just keep on listening...until...the conversation ended with a short sharp scream....before the line went dead.

Someone may be in trouble...I don't know who...or why.
And more frighteningly...the colours I am losing only comes...when I am near someone..who is very close to me...

Dear God,
Please watch over everyone who means something to me - Ameen

Memories are made of...

Memories are made of ...

Auld lang syne always comes a little earlier for me.
This is because, that classic melody is sung at each graduation ceremony that the school holds for its graduating classes for the year.

You may think that I would be a veteran at saying goodbye.
Unfortunately, the years of experience do not make it any easier. It is true that there are days when you feel that I simply cannot wait for these young people to leave,..but when that day comes...it is tough.

The nature of my job now does not allow me to have my own form class...But that does not mean I am detached from the kids. (I look back with fondness the memories of the classes that I grew up with ...for I remained their FT for 4 long...long...long years)

This year, especially, I had taken over from others at odd periods, and one of the greatest challenges was building rapport for I was not sure how I would fit in, or how they would respond to me. (Plus I am getting on in age...and perhaps more unyielding).

But like I always believe, things happen for a reason...and I found myself blessed getting to know a group of hardworking, and fun-loving young people. (Yea...there is a lot of hope for the world)

So to class of 08...and those whom I have called my own...my prayers and hopes go with you.

Thank you for
- the laughter and the tears
= the gratification and frustration
- the good and bad times
- and the beautiful memories.

All the best in making your mark in the world.

Love
Mdm Dee

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones

Quixote is still on his quest...and today, he was trying to comprehend the idea of 'face'.

To us Asians, the concept of face is almost equivalent to the idea of dignity and pride. So it is hard when for us to accept criticisms, even constructive ones...said aloud it public.

The Malay community has two sayings...loosely translated, one is "Don't drop my water-face", and the other is "Don't smear charcoal on my face."...both speaks of how important it is to uphold one's good name and reputation.

So it never fails to amuse me when some kids these days get so riled up by 'he play my father's/mother's name.' They are willing to exchange insults, and trade blows because of this...name-wrangling game. It is as if the family pride...from generations long...are at stake , and no matter what, they have to win.

I told some of the kids this...
"Sticks and stones may break my bones...
But words will never harm me..."

It is an old rhyme...but something they have never heard about.
Name calling is something that has been happening for ages...some people maliciously insult others, goad, provoke, taunt with all kinds of nasty comments.

I know it is hard to stay resolute in the face of such actions. But sometimes, the best response...is not response at all. If you react, you are merely encouraging your tormentor who enjoys extracting such responses. That's how a bully get a sense of power.

I am not advocating violence...not do I support passivity. I think we have to think for ourselves...
Once when one of my children was taunted, I taught him this refrain..."Thank you for your feedback...I'll keep it in mind...if I have to."..and walk away.

One of my worst experiences was to have a child release a tirade of colourful expletives in my face...First I was angry...but kept cool...and slowly, as he became more agitated, I started to pray under my breathe...but standing firmly on my ground.
He thought I was cursing him...and walked away, swearing ...and promptly bumped into a wall!

Words are powerful...words can cause a lot of hurt and damage....words can destroy self-esteem and self-belief...
Do not allow others to inflict such on you...

However...sticks and stones on the other hand...can be powerful too.
Which was the batch who dropped the bench on my toes before speech day?...OWWWWWW! Now THAT....really hurt.

There's a Hero

There's a Hero
(for the people who made a difference, and those who will carry on.

The new song that I have added is called "There's a Hero". I tried to find a downloadable version by the original singer, Billy Gilman..but non available.This version is by an Australian singer, Troye.

Anyway, here are the lyrics which I find meaningful.
And I suppose, I can dedicate it to a special bunch of people who make up the class of 2008...Go and Make your mark in the world...ok?

There's a Hero - lyrics by Don Cook & Jake Jarvis

There's a flower in the smallest garden
Reaching for the light
There's a candle in the darkest corner
Conquering the night
There is amazing strength
In a willing hand
There are victories
That you've never planned

There's a hero
In everybody's heart


There's a fire inside of everybody
Burning clear & bright
There's a power in the faintest heartbeat
That cannot be denied
Go on and trust yourself
Cause you can ride the wind
You're gonna take your dreams
Where's they've never been

There's a hero
In everybody's heart

Go on and trust yourself
Cause you can ride the wind
You're gonna take your dreams
Where they've never been

There's a hero
In everybody's heart


I know that in one of my entries, I spoke of heroes like Lincoln, Gandhi and Mandela.
But for today, I want to talk about the unsung heroes that I know of.

Where I work, there is one person who is worthy of being put high up on a pedestal. Someone who is selfless, caring, compassionate, empathetic, resilient...who is the embodiment of what a true educator should be.

She is indeed a rare breed...and beside her, I am humbled.
She is my friend, and I think I have said this before...it will be years before I think I will ever reach up to her level.

This year, I will have to say goodbye to a person who, in a way, has come to be my mentor. His set expectations were rather high, and at times, I felt like giving up. But he taught me that you need to balance your head, and your heart...in order for me to move on. I want to thank him for his guidance all these years, for I think, I have grown.

What is a hero?
Don Quixote is still a hero, despite his lunacy...He dared to challenge, he dared to take risks, he dared to believe...he dared to fight for what he stood for. Maybe that is why, I think, he should have just kept on his quest...for sometimes, we fight alone.


The quest is still on...but today, I saw the windmills for what they really are.
I shall still continue with my journey, for I am learning more about myself.

Prayer for today
Dear God...let me choose the door that will allow me to get out.....

Tilting at the Windmills

Tilting at the Windmills

Poor Don Quixote.
He had the most noble of ideas, and the purest of values. He was a man of honour and virtue.
Yet the people around him, at their most kind moment, labelled him a fool.

He was considered a lunatic, he was insane.
He went about tilting at the windmills which, in his mind, were giants that he had to kill.

Am I tilting at windmills too?
when doing is not equal to achieving?
when thinking is not equal to rationalising?
when talking is not communicating?
when hearing is not listening?
when looking is not seeing...

Don't think...don't think...
Feel....
Understand....
Respond...

I am not through with the whimsical wanderlust...
Until I find the answers I seek, I will fly along.

Prayer for today:
God, you have shown me that when one door closes, somehow, you will help me find another that is open. Alhamdulillah.

Quixotic Quests

Quixotic Quests

There are days...and then...there are days.

I need to exhale.
So I am setting off on a whimsical journey.
I found a new rainbow to chase...It's called the Fire Rainbow (hey...google it if you do not believe me), and it is one of the most beautiful things ever.

There is no need for logic...there is no need for reason.
There is no need to see things in a rigid straight line.
No black or white...

There are times, when we need to be like Don Quixote...
for, ironically, that is the best way to hang on to our sanity.

Prayer for today:
God...only you know why. Ameen

Growing Up

Growing Up...
(Where did the time go?)

I make it a habit to 'date' my children. When I was frantically trying to complete my Masters, there were many a time when I felt I had not given enough attention and time to them...It was bad already when I spent so much time (before the sun rises, and after the sun sets) at work, and this was added to the extra hours for evening classes, and even at home...reading and completing assignments.

So whenever possible, I snatch whatever time was available to connect with Zafran, Zarifah & Akmal, together, or individually. The moments we spend together eating and talking are very precious. If there is anything I have learnt over the years dealing with teens, it is that open communication is very important. I cherish the time when they tell me about many things under the sun...and that it is crucial that I get to know a little more about what's going on in their lives.

I know there will come a point when I have to let go of the apron strings. As it is now, they are all so involved with their own personal schedules...with schools, friends, and pursuing their own areas of interests. They grow so fast...

I come back to the point about 'dating'. I had the most 'interesting' conversation with Zafran last week.

Mind you, because he has such 'nosey' and easily excitable younger siblings, it is hard for him to keep secrets. But hey...I think as a mum,I know my son a little more than he even cares to think. The signs were there...a little dreamy...a little sheepish sometimes...a little goofy...(hey...Mama was young once too!)

I could have broken out into a 'freaked-to-the-max' mode...but instead, I held back. So far, I have been spared most of the heart-attack inducing teens' angsts and rebellion. I trust him, I am confident of him. I know that he will not jeopardise his exams just because he has stars in his eyes.

So with a little hesitation...and a little bit of prompting, he began to speak about his interest in an individual...(hi...if you are reading this, I hope you understand). He spoke about what a good friend she is, and how she has been a source of motivation. He assured me that I have no grounds to worry, "Please believe that you have raised me right". (Sob...sob...thank you)

Whoa...
I wonder if he realises that it was as tough for me to listen...as it was tough for him to talk to me. There were so many mixed emotions...and the internal alarm bells that were ringing incessantly in my head.

Sure, in the past, it has been easy to advise my other 'kids'...from K, A, M, B, F...and those who bring your partners to me for the 'first level screening"...It seemed to easy to say, "Go and be honest to your own mother...she will understand." I am now at the receiving end. Can I still remain rational and understanding?

These past few evenings, I have been repeatedly playing mental pictures of my little boy growing up...from the cute little baby, to the sweet-mannered child who gives me big hugs...Zafran in his uniform as he received his award...to the gangly teen he is now...From the child who will solemnly recite "I must never ride a motor-bike for my Mama will cry"...to "Er...can I learn how to fly a plane?"

Where did the time go? (Iffah & Akmal...don't grow up too fast ok?)

Much have been said about the bond between a mother and her sons...especially her first born. I do not think I have molly-coddled him, and made him a 'Mummy's Boy.". I do not indulge him, nor put him on a pedestal. I want him to be able to respect and treat every individual with respect and empathy. He will be able to think for himself. I put the faith of God in him, so that he will be anchored by values. I taught him to be independent, and stand on his own two feet, and also to take on responsibilities.

So why do I have such mixed feelings now? Do I feel threatened and insecure?
I do not really have an answer to that.
But I should be able to step back, and think of myself...and the way my parents raised me. I have been truly blessed, for having so many people to love, and who love me in return. Had my abah and mak been possessive, perhaps my growing up experiences would not have been so rich.

Some years ago, a very wise person told me of this paradox. If I think I have raised my child 'right'...then the faster the child will be able to spread his wings. ..and while I have the faith that he is ready...gosh...this is not going to be easy.

Well...it may seem like I am making a big deal out of this...but I trust my son to know that his priorities, and his goals. It is not as if I am letting go completely ...for there are still limits and boundaries.

But it is an exciting and interesting world out there waiting for him to discover and explore. He needs to find himself, and seek the direction he wants to take. And I hope he will always remember his roots, and there will always be people who care for him, and support him.

You are growing up, Zafran...
I trust you...I have faith in you.
Stay gold...
Let your inner compass direct you to seek what is best for you.
I love you.

Those who can, Do, those who can't Teach...

Those who can, Do, those who can't, Teach
(general exposition)

How many of you have heard of the above phrase?
The adage is attributed to Bernard Shaw who came up with in "Maxims for Revolutionists". And of course, because of the word "Teach", people like me, have become the butt of many a joke. It seems to imply that the educators are a breed of inept, inefficient and irrational people...

It seems to imply that those who end up in the teaching profession are people who have failed, or would likely end up as failures.

Does that mean that teachers are not the movers and shakers of the world? That those who teach do so because they can't "Do"? ....that the people who are supposedly to open up young minds, and 'mould the future', cannot become successful in the things they do?

I have heard many who have risen , and proudly proclaim "I made it through my own effort."..."or there was nothing I learnt in school that made me what I am" ..."School did not prepare me for life."....sigh.

So am I one of 'those who can't" ?

I speak in defence of people who are in the profession because they CAN DO....the people with the passion, and the knowledge...the skills, the committment...and the conviction that they do make a difference in the life of others. They TEACH...because they CAN...and they are among the best out there...the quiet, unobstrusive warriors and heroes.


Today
I learn to understand
Who I am
What I am
and Why I am the way I am...

The child, the adult, the rebel, the peacemaker
The friend, the adversary, the student, the teacher...
The roles I play are deep within my being.

I can choose...
to be who I am
what I want to be
How I want to be me...

To be the person who I really am
will change my sea of red to green to blue
I must learn to let go...
If I am to be really me....
(Dee - Nov 2008)


P/S: Today I had affirmation from one whose opinion really matters. Even though others may not think so, I rest assured...I am grateful

20 Questions

20 Questions

Hahahaha...I never thought I would succumb to doing something mindless.
But I guess this is what stress can do to a person. It has been quite a pressure-cooker week (ya...even though the students are out of school. ) Plus, my turtles have been kidnapped, and my chocolates have also been held for ransom. (Please J & C, please , please do not hurt my shelled friends. This weekend, I will get the Prestats to assure the safe return of my flippered ones)

So here is my way of releasing all that pent up emotions.
(who invented these pseudo-quack questions anyway?)

1. Do you have secrets?
Hello...do you think only those who are in the secret service and spy services
lead a life of mystery, espionage and double-dealings?
Of course I have secrets....my secret stash of chocolates...er...more chocolates..
and where to find the best chocolates! (shhhhh....)

2. Would you fall for a guy much older than you?
Alamak...will my hubby kill me? Of course I would...there's Pierce Brosnan,George
Clooney, Richard Gere...all the dashing, suave and debonair types lah. Well, my
Significant Other is a year older...so that is evidence right?

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
Er...can I skip this one? You heard the joke about this mother who has trouble
waking up her son. He will roll in bed, and make all kinds of excuses. Finally
she told him., "Hey...you cannot skip school. You are the Principal!" kekekeke

4. What will you do if you win a billion dollars?
Wah..inflation has hit us.In the past, questions like this would only talk about
winning a million bucks. Now that will not even buy a tiny apartmentin some areas
in Singapore...back to the question. Can I buy an island and lead a hermit's
life with that kind of money? (second option is to buy the Hershey, Ben & Jerry's
& Cadbury companies)

5. Will you ever fall in love with your BF's stead?
It took me a while to figure out these teen terminologies. BF apparently has
nothing to do with BO...but in my time, a 'stead' is a piece of property that you
own, or stake a claim on. So tell me, exactly how much did your BF pay for her
'stead'...only if he is worth a billion dollars, yes, then I will fall in love
with him.

6. If you have to choose between your BoyF, and your BestF, who would you choose?
Tsk...tsk...tsk...how values have changed...again in the past, you had to choose
between saving a parent and a BF. Hey, I have the best solution. I married my BF
is indeed my BF!

7. What is the one thing you desire now?
Geesh...I am 'materialistic' and I cannot make up my mind.
It is a toss up between a huge tub of Ben & Jerry's chocolate ice-cream and a one-
carat diamond I have been eyeing...But I think with that amount of money, B&J wins

8. What makes you extremely happy?
This is a no-brainer...see answer # 7.

9. What makes you angry?
Sigh...creators such such questionnaires doesn't understand...I get upset when I
do not get what I want in #7. (and warning to J&C...give me back my turtles or
I turn into the Incredible Hulk!)

10.What are your favourite colours?
Ah...does kaleidoscope counts?...red and yellow, green and blue, purple and orange
and pink and rose and amber and rust and...someone told me that my rainbow has
more than 7 colours of the spectrum. Colours tell my moods.

Ok...I shall stop here. I do not think I have the energy to do such wacky stuff right now. It is a lot of hard work answering these questions.
But if you want to find out more about how much of an oddball and nutty character I am, you can try to tag me on some of these stuff...

Hehehe...can I tag Sandra and Nissa?

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle...when the bough breaks

I always feel so happy when I get in touch with the kids I have not met or heard from for so long. This time, through one of the networks out there, "Sally" got in touch with me.( I do not think I want to use her real name at the moment...for you will understand the reasons as you read on.

"Cher, you still remember me? I am married now, and I have a darling little girl. I promise you that I will protect her so much so that she will never have to go through the things I experienced. Thank you for helping me move on." This was the message that accompanied a picture of her hugging a cute toddler.

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top

Sally...
Sally is still imprinted in my mind as a 13-year-old...Sally, the pretty little girl, but with the saddest limpid eyes. My Sally who did not trust easily, cowered when spoken to, and could not bear anyone to go near her. Sally may not have spoken much verbally, but her writing revealed so much.

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

When Sally turned 15, she came out of her cocoon. There was such a transformation that I was puzzled. She found her voice; her spirit, and she rebelled. She literally could raise hell. I remembered talking to her parents...who promised that they would "rein her in"

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

I found that they had been reining her in oh for so long. Once, during her wild outbursts, I took her aside. Like a deflated balloon all out of gas, she collapsed, and that was when I saw the long gashes to her legs. And the marks on her back...and the black and blue bruises here and there.



Down will come baby, cradle and all.

So that was how I found out about the physical and mental abuse. Back then, if such things happen within the family, the matter somehow was kept under wraps. She went on to live with her aunt, and quietly completed her education...and I never heard from her again...until yesterday.

The hand that rocks the cradle...as a parent,a mother, I simply cannot imagine how one can turn against your own flesh and blood. Man prides himself as being better than animals...because he is able to think and rationalize. But Man who prey on their offsprings are not better than the wild beasts...at least the animals that kill and eat their young do it for survival reasons.

It's scary.
Having children is one of the hardest(yet rewarding) responsibility that comes with marriage and parenthood. You are obligated to love, care for, nurture, protect the child you bring into the world. Yet many are shirking from fulfilling these. Some even go to the extent of becoming the monsters who haunt their children for life.

I know many of you have read "A Child Called IT", "Damaged" and so on. Let me tell you...there are many more untold stories just like these...more heart-wrenching than those.

If you are interested...try looking out for the articles on Kelsey Briggs...of how she lost her young life at three...by the hands that rock the cradle.

Sally, I am happy for you...and I believe that you will truly be a great mother to your child.

Dear God,
Please protect all the children of the world, the innocent, the trusting, the innocent souls. Give the wisdom to parents and adults who look after them so that they will do their best to raise their little ones in the best way ever. Ameen

You Reap What You Sow

“Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny”
- R.W. Emerson (?) or C. Reade (?)

I am still trying to find the real source of where those powerful lines came from. At this moment, it does not really matter. The bottom line is, if you think this through, you'll realise how simple , yet profound the message is.

You reap what you sow....basically speaking, the metaphor of planting is so appropriate...for the whole imagery of growth sprouts from there. Anything that is nurtured with lots of love, care, concern and a firm but fair hand, will thrive. A plant that is left to fend on its own will shrivel and die.

But at a higher level...
It talks about one being accountable and responsible for our own self.
"It all begins with me"...and the conscious choices that I make.

The power of intention comes from a single thought or idea. If we choose to think positive, our actions will then become positive...if we think otherwise, we then allow ourselves to act negatively. Our lookout does determine how we behave and do things.

I look up to the great men of the world...Lincoln, Gandhi, Mandela...so many others. Did they really become great? No...these men 'walked the talk'...living out and embodying the values they believe in. Was it fate that made them great...or did their character shaped their greatness? I truly believe that in the latter...for they all began as ordinary beings.

It is the positive attitude that enables them to see beneath the hardships and challenges so that they will not give up until they accomplish what they want. It is as if they are the masters of their fates; the captains of their souls. The difference perhaps between the ordinary, and extraordinary is that little "extra' - where they tell themselves to remain calm, stoic and resolute. That is the high level of expectation they had for themselves.

What is the purpose of today's random thoughts?
Just a timely reminder for me to think of what I have to think and do.I had an interesting proposal today. It seems that should I leave my current profession, some people deem that I may be worth more $100 per hour. Should I be reflecting $$$ in my eyes?
Hmmm...that's something to mull over.